How to behave if your husband cheats, but does not leave

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

If cheating occurs during a romantic period, then most often the decision is unambiguous - a breakup and the search for a new partner. But if the marriage has been for many years, there are children, then the situation becomes many times more complicated. Especially if the husband is cheating, but does not leave. There can be no unequivocal advice from a psychologist on how to behave in a particular situation. Much depends on the woman herself.

Why does a man cheat

If you forget about the occasional single connection under the influence of emotions and alcohol, then adultery primarily indicates a serious problem in the relationship. Of course, there are men who try to solve their psychological problems through infidelity. But much more often the husband begins to visit his mistress if a crisis has come in the family:

1. Loss of connection … Over the years of married life, everyday life "eats up" the closeness between people. All the time is devoted to work, household chores, childcare. The family simply becomes a set of responsibilities for the husband or wife. In this case, the husband can make up for the lack of emotions, emotional experiences, intimacy in the arms of another woman.
2. Unresolved problems … Trying to save a marriage, people often keep silent about various moments that bring daily discomfort. Gradually, such an emotional burden turns into a wall between the spouses. And instead of talking and starting to solve problems, the husband just runs away. And then over and over again he returns to his wife, because he has the duties of a man in the family.
3. Scandals … Constant jealousy, reproaches and quarrels in the family are the other extreme. Unable to prevent negativity, he goes to the woman who gives him peace and affection.
4. Subdued passion … This is the famous crisis of 3 years. The hormones that kept falling in love dried up. And now the spouses have to take each other as they are. Not everyone can stand it.

According to statistics, less than 10% of men leave their families for a mistress. If the husband is cheating, but does not leave, then the wife and children are very important to him. Therefore, all the advice of psychologists is aimed primarily at what goal the woman pursues. So there are several options for how you can behave.

Drastic steps

First you need to decide for yourself whether you can forgive your husband for adultery or not. Expert on interpersonal relations Elena Tsedova warns that you should never take the blame on yourself and silently look at another betrayal. This is not an option. Such voluntary martyrdom will only add to the burden of problems.

Another inappropriate step from a psychologist's point of view is revenge. It is not necessary to meet with your mistress in order to quarrel with her or complain. Even worse is to try to take revenge by committing treason yourself. Most often, this leaves a woman feeling that she is used as a thing, not only by her husband, but also by her lover.

If you cannot forgive the betrayal, it is better to break the marriage. This will save you from resentment and quarrels. If there are children together, then a loving father will help in their upbringing anyway. And if a man initially sees no value in either the family or the child, then this will make it possible to find someone who can support in a difficult situation.

Otherwise, resentment for treason will poison the future of the family, and children will initially see negative in the relationship between a man and a woman, which will increase the chance of a repetition of a similar situation already in their lives.

How to keep your family together

Psychologist and coach Yulia Kosova, giving advice on how to behave if the husband cheats, but does not leave, draws attention to the fact that, first of all, you need to accept your emotions and pain. And then you need to prepare for the long journey, which will begin with an ordinary conversation. It is very important not to make scandals and scenes of jealousy, because this is one of the reasons for cheating.

All that is required at the first stage is to find out:

• that the husband is not satisfied with the relationship;
• why did he go to his mistress;
• because of what he did not leave his family.

But the main question is whether the man is willing to make an effort to restore the lost trust. If the answer is yes, then further, from the point of view of play psychotherapist Victoria Naumova, it is necessary to develop steps that will help solve the problem together.

In no case should a man forgive everything and “start all over again”. Then the husband will only be convinced that adultery does not entail problems in family life. As a result, you will have to face constant "relapses".

Each of the spouses must change in order to restore comfort and joy, a positive atmosphere in the family. After all, a person especially appreciates what he puts his strength into. Therefore, if the husband is cheating, but does not leave, then this is an opportunity to return those bright positive emotions that were at the dawn of the relationship.

But in order to achieve this, you need to listen to the advice of psychologists and remember how to behave, as well as have the strength to leave your pain in the past, not remembering your husband's betrayal at every opportunity.