How to behave with your husband after his betrayal

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 17:37

In difficult life situations, a lot is decided by the correct tactics of behavior, determined by the accompanying circumstances. Psychologist's advice on how to behave with her husband after his infidelity is ambiguous. The further development of events depends on who the information came from, and whether there are intentions to continue family relations after the betrayal of a loved one.

Circumstances of obtaining information

Tips on how to behave in such a situation often boil down to recommendations to take a closer look at yourself, change the behavior algorithm, pay attention to your appearance and apply unexpected tactics of behavior. However, the effectiveness of these instructions depends on the circumstances that accompany adultery.

Unsupported suspicions of infidelity are rare. The reasons for fears or accurate information in any case are supported by the behavior of the man. He behaves stereotypically, unaware of the predictability and transparency of actions:

1. He uses immense employment at work as an excuse, but it is not possible to contact them during the delay, although later this phenomenon is found a lot of at first glance reliable explanations.
2. Inventing various pretexts (including accusations of his wife of treason), the husband starts a scandal and leaves the house, turning off his mobile.
3. The amount of salary decreases in volume, and the increased expenses look implausible.
4. The spouse's behavior does not change dramatically, but intuition and knowledge of the character of a loved one suggest that the relationship is not the same. He hides his cell phone, in the morning there is an unusual thoroughness in the choice of socks, underwear and clothes, a new cologne or little things, seemingly bought on their own.

Women who are able to feel the betrayal intuitively, in most cases, can find a new object of addictions of the spouse.

There is no universal advice from a psychologist “for all occasions”. The wife's behavior pattern is also predictable. The clarification of the circumstances begins, questions, scandals, reproaches and tears. But you need to think over the upcoming actions only if you have accurate information from a reliable source.

The words of an employee, friend or benevolent neighbor, for obvious reasons, need to be verified, as well as the information of a man interested in reciprocity. Only after being personally convinced of the fact of adultery can one avoid reprisals of adultery, images of offenses against "false" accusations and other ways to shift the blame from a sore head to a healthy one, to force a woman to make excuses.

Behavior with complete clarity

To endure and be silent is a bad recommendation, even if it is given from the best intentions (preserving the family in the name of children or material well-being, lack of a foothold for leaving). But it is also possible to determine the model of one's own behavior only by the spouse, put in the face of irrefutable evidence.

A reliable determination of the fact of treason, when the accusation is not based on guesswork or intuition, is a great way to find out the true attitude towards yourself, the need for a breakup or joint efforts to preserve a marriage that has cracked. Otherwise, everything will come down to mutual reproaches, an unbearable family environment, which often affects children worse than divorce.

Three options for the further development of events are predictable:

1. The spouse continues to lie, despite the obvious facts, and this means that he cannot help but cheat, because he is constantly experiencing discomfort from the marriage bond. He considers betrayal to be a banal fact, a kind of demonstration of his independence. We are equally likely to predict leaving or insincere apologies in order to preserve the marriage as protection from the encroachments of other women.
2. The husband is upset and confused, recognizes the obviousness of the perfect, assures of the unintentional and randomness of what happened, that he will immediately break off the relationship. There is a good chance that he really loves his wife, wants to save the family, and is interested in children. In this case, the rule "Understand and forgive" works, to look for joint ways to restore relations. But this is possible on condition of at least partially preserved trust, undermined by treason.
3. The life partner is obviously relieved that everything has been revealed, offers a divorce and is ready to leave. In this case, it is better to support him in his decision than to indulge in tricks and humiliation. They are useless.

Psychologists can offer more than a dozen possible options for how to behave with your husband after his betrayal, but following them recklessly, without taking into account the peculiarities of the situation and the personality of the participants in the dialogue, is useless.

General recommendations

The tips that can be applied in any situation are trivial and obvious, but this does not diminish their practical value. Top 7 universal recommendations:

1. Do not arrange tantrums and scandals with smashing dishes.
2. Do not rip off resentment and bad moods on others, especially on elderly parents and children.
3. Do not respond with treason to treason, so as not to lose moral advantage.
4. You shouldn't constantly remind your husband of his wrongdoing (or punishment, or forgiveness).
5. Do not pretend that nothing is happening.
6. Do not be guided solely by material or emotional considerations.
7. Do not demonstrate to outsiders the degree of your feelings (instead of sympathy, you can cause outright gloating joy of ill-wishers).

Endurance, patience, tact - all these are excellent qualities that help to resolve the most difficult situation with the maximum positive effect. If the desire to preserve the marriage is mutual, but it is not possible to come to a consensus, you can turn to a family psychologist for help.

Outcomes

You can get useful advice from a specialist who is familiar with the situation and is able to draw conclusions based on a professionally conducted analysis:

1. Takes into account the circumstances of the perfect betrayal.
2. Familiar with the psychotype and nature of the object.
3. Knows the material and moral aspects.
4. Capable of objectivity, does not accept the point of view of one of the parties.