Why does a man not want children and what to do

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Young families where a man does not want children are not uncommon. This becomes a huge problem, leading to quarrels and mutual reproaches. Before you put an end to the relationship, you need to identify the reason and calmly figure it out.

What is the reluctance to acquire offspring

Long cohabitation without offspring does not mean that it will always be so. Over time, a maternal instinct awakens in a woman, and she wants to be realized in it. A man, on the contrary, is not at all happy with such a prospect.

And then the woman begins to be tormented by doubts: why is this happening, does he already have children on the side, or has he completely stopped loving and does not want responsibility? In order not to be tormented by conjectures, it is worth talking and finding out what exactly scares him.

This is the only way to outline guidelines for further actions and it is quite possible to turn his “no” into a firm “yes”. Common reasons:

1. Fear of drastic changes. Often a man does not want to change his usual way of life, realizing that with the advent of children, it will not be the same as before. And in the near future, sleepless nights, diapers, a tired wife and refusal of many pleasures await. Consequently, the young man begins to come up with various reasons, just to delay the moment of the birth of the heir.
2. Fear of being in the background. Representatives of the stronger sex are seriously worried that with the appearance of a child in the family, a woman will be busy with him most of the time. The thought that almost all the attention of a beloved will switch to the baby is haunted. Although in reality, to prevent this from happening, very little is needed: the separation of care and responsibility for two.
3. The companion of life will turn into a "kludge". A certain category of men is frightened by the prospect that with the birth of a child, the wife will not have time for herself. And the beauty, at whom the others looked with envy, will turn into a nondescript woman, with eyes red from fatigue.
4. Conviction in changing the character of the spouse for the worse. Men have heard of the term "postpartum depression". It sounds pessimistic, but such a development is taking place. Constant lack of sleep, problems with feeding, getting used to a new status - all this changes the character of a young mother. When a child is disturbed by something, he constantly cries, there is no time for fun. And frequent mood swings are common, leading to conflict.
5. The material component is one of the main reasons why a man does not want children and refuses to marry. Even having your own living space does not give you confidence in the future. A potential dad understands that he bears the burden of responsibility for the baby and his mother. Now you have to choose: buy something for yourself or put it off for more important needs. Most men are convinced that before becoming parents, you need to stand firmly on your feet, have a stable income, an apartment, a car and a financial "safety cushion". Only in such conditions can you enjoy fatherhood.
6. Bad experience of acquaintances. Childless families often compare themselves to friends. They talk about troubles, constant preoccupation with everyday problems and the fact that they have no time for entertainment.
7. Unwillingness to be an "incubator". If all the conversations of a woman come down to creating a family with children, the man begins to think that she needs her solely in order to realize the maternal instinct. For some reason, she was unable to achieve this with another, and she tries to "jump on the last car." This repulses the man, he begins to doubt the sincerity of her feelings.
8. Health problems. For the most part, the stronger sex does not want to discuss such a delicate moment and comes up with various excuses, just not to touch on the topic of childbirth.

To understand whether it is worth continuing the relationship, if a man does not even want to hear about children, you need to know exactly why he is so categorical.

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The psychological aspect of the problem

The male psyche is significantly different from the female. This is how nature works, and nothing can be done about it. Sometimes the representatives of the stronger sex are not ready to replenish the family, not because they do not like children and do not know how to treat them. In fact, they are simply not psychologically ready for responsibility.

A similar pattern of behavior is characteristic of women who have not awakened the maternal instinct. In this case, both need to mentally prepare for a responsible step and wish to become parents.

Common reasons for abandoning children on a psychological level include:

1. Lack of family values. If from childhood the boy did not see his parents' respect for each other and did not feel that he was loved by his father, he is subconsciously afraid that he will behave the same way with his child, making the innocent child unhappy.
2. Hard childhood. The constant lack of money and, as a result, endless scandals develop an inferiority complex in the child. Psychology is such that he involuntarily believes that he is the source of all problems. This is especially characteristic of large families, where the burden of responsibility for the younger ones falls on the older children. Instead of a happy childhood, they are forced to help their parents, taking on some of their worries.
3. Infantilism and selfishness. People want to live "for themselves" and are not ready to be responsible for someone else. Infantile, moreover, themselves, like children, are dependent and indecisive. When starting a relationship with such a man, you should think carefully and be prepared for the fact that there will be two children in the family at once, and one of them is a husband who is completely unfit for anything.
4. A man does not want to have children in his second marriage, because he already has them from a previous relationship. A common problem for many couples. The first reason is that the head of the family is afraid not to pull the maintenance costs. Second, he loves them and does not know what will be the reaction to the appearance of a half-brother or sister. Frightens that jealousy will arise between them. And third - the man already has heirs, he no longer needs children. He has already gone through sleepless nights and does not want a repetition, he is absolutely satisfied with everything.

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In most cases, a person who is not ready to become a father will argue that you need to become a parent only when you have achieved everything yourself and do not depend on anyone.

When wondering what to do if a man does not want children, the first step is to find out the root cause. Further actions depend on it.

If his position is categorical, and the unwillingness to become a father is not related to health, you should think about the readiness to give up the happiness of motherhood for the sake of a person who, in principle, is deeply indifferent to your desires. In other cases, not everything is so hopeless, and thoughts like “does not love” have no basis. Loving people will always be able to hear each other and agree.

Outcomes

1. The unwillingness to acquire offspring on the part of a man is dictated by many factors. These are financial insolvency, genetic problems, having children from a previous marriage, etc.
2. Before making the final decision to part or continue the relationship, having found common ground, it is necessary to find out the reason for such an attitude of the second half. It is possible that everything is not as bad as it seems at first glance.
3. From a psychological point of view, men are afraid of the birth of a successor of their kind, because they are not ready for this subconsciously.