If you're so good, why are you still alone?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

It's hard to be a lonely girl. It's even harder to be a smart and extraordinary single girl. Especially if your girlfriends are in full swing building relationships with the opposite sex, and you are still "slipping", only occasionally shaking up the piggy bank of memory, in which somewhere at the bottom there are memories of the last, such a distant date, and of several half-forgotten fleeting romances.

And the longer you remain alone with yourself, the more often an unanswered question arises in your thoughts: why am I still alone? And when will it finally end?

Glossy women's magazines will gladly tell you that being lonely is not at all bad, but very interesting and fun: no one throws their socks around your house, no one sits on your chair, and in your bed too (hurray!) no one sleeps except you. And most importantly - no one bothers to think about the beautiful and take care of their beauty. And why then look for someone at all? But seriously, in loneliness there really is one very important moment for which it is worth experiencing this state of mind. In a period of loneliness, you think a lot, reflect, analyze, see your mistakes and put everything on the shelves. You are left alone with yourself and, in the absence of another object for research, you begin to study yourself, comprehend your character, delve into and discover your strengths and weaknesses. Only you can bury yourself so deep and far that it will be almost impossible to get out, to people in general and to the opposite sex in particular.

Unfortunately or fortunately, there is no recipe for getting rid of loneliness. Because meeting the right man and starting to build a serious relationship with him is, of course, a matter of chance. And the point here is not in appearance, not in behavior, and not even in your character. It's about making it all coincide in the right place and at the right time. And the main thing here is not to miss this happy moment, not to pretend that you have nothing to do with it, not to close in your little world, not to clap your ears, not to let go …

Oh, if I myself knew then, during the period of my universal loneliness, which, it seemed, would not end forever (and it lasted for about two years) that at 23 I, like the most average girl, would marry, perhaps I would so feverishly search around me for someone who could make up my feminine happiness? Yes, I would live happily ever after, improving myself and indulging in buns, in anticipation of that chance meeting at a party … But, perhaps, that very meeting grew into something more precisely because loneliness gave me experience and taught me to value fragile human relationships.

Relax - and men will reach out to you

I remember what a fit of anger towards my best friend happened one day in a bar where we came to “look for my fiancé” (as a joke, of course, but I was hoping). For an hour to Olga, literally a line lined up of men wishing to talk to her. Nobody noticed me. At first, one guy sitting opposite at the bar winked at her like crazy. Then the waitress brought Olga a huge cup of ice cream from her uncle at the next table "for the most beautiful girl of the evening." Finally, some slightly tipsy friend invited my friend to dance. Everything inside me gurgled and bubbled! She has a husband! She is thin as a match, she has a long nose! Why is everything to her ?! When Olga returned from the dancers, I muttered: "Well, have you had some fun?" and turned away. She was offended. I've got ashamed. And sad.

Then I made several disappointing conclusions:

1) Men, consciously or unconsciously, are drawn to those who already have someone, "busy" women seem to them more attractive and safe;

2) men are afraid of a lonely woman, “she has an appraising look,” like a leading employee or a policeman (we all remember this film);

3) the feeling of self-confidence largely depends on the attention / inattention of the surrounding men, no matter what we say to our friends ("I don't go to bars because of men, but solely for the sake of sitting alone with a cocktail or dancing with the girls");

4) long loneliness makes a person vulnerable, touchy.

Laugh and listen

My classmate Oksanka was a girl, at first glance, pretty ordinary. Short in stature, not too prominent in shape, with long red hair and a pointed nose, at the tip of which glasses were invariably present. She always looked mockingly, over her glasses, spoke loudly, and often laughed, sometimes even burst into laughter when she heard someone's joke or anecdote. Once Oksanka half-jokingly, half-seriously complained to me that from the age of 15 in her life there was not a single day (!) When a boy or a man was not next to her. Every day someone came, called, invited, sorted out the relationship, wanted to leave, got acquainted, and so on in a circle.

And she didn't cheat. So, almost every day the same story was repeated. Leaving the university, we got into a minibus with her, where there were not always two empty seats next to each other. Then, for example, she jumped into the front seat next to an unfamiliar guy, and I sat in the common salon. And after 15 minutes from the front seat, Ksyukhin could be heard bursting laugh, and the guy, who made her laugh all the way, then dragged her home and begged for the phone. The most important thing is that if I sat in the front seat, and Ksenia was huddled somewhere deep in the cabin, some gloomy type would appear next to me, silent all the way, and Oksankin's laugh, diluted with a male baritone or bass, sounded somewhere behind me …

Then I never figured out the secret of her feminine attractiveness, and the picture where she laughs surrounded by guys, and I look at it with slightly rounded eyes, stuck in my memory for a long time.

Now I understand that:

1) girls who are easy to laugh are liked by guys faster and easier;

2) girls who listen with interest to guys seem more attractive than those who are simply silent;

3) not arrogant, easy-to-communicate girls who show a keen interest not only in recognized handsome men or intellectuals, but also in everyone else (is it difficult ?!) have much more success than “choosy brides”;

4) glasses, a long nose, small stature and the absence of curvaceous forms are not an obstacle for ardent men in love.

Don't look like a man-hater

When I remember how I looked in the most dreary period of my endless loneliness, I feel sad and funny at the same time. And I want to tell myself the then: “With this appearance, you sift out ninety percent of potential boyfriends! Change urgently! Then I looked like this: an average-bodied girl with a face as round as a full moon and a catastrophically short haircut. I dyed my hair a bluish-black color, pulled out a few hairs with a gel on my forehead, a few on my temples. Black jeans, black turtleneck, black boots, black bag. And a hard look. Like an orthodox feminist. To say the least. But then my appearance exactly matched my inner state. And if these two things are so interconnected, perhaps a gradual change in one would entail a change in the other? Without realizing this, I intuitively felt that something was wrong in me, and I constantly wanted to radically change myself: dye my hair blonde, lose weight. At the moment when I finally broke free from my loneliness, I was wearing a boiling white jacket, a tight skirt and high-heeled shoes. Bright red bangs climbed into my eyes.

So:

1) the imagination of a man should finish drawing what a woman hides with clothes. If everything is tightly corked up, it is not interesting to finish painting;

2) a heavy look + "aunt's" haircut + clothes of a gloomy color and style = proud loneliness + fearful glances from men.

A few words in defense of virtual dating

When single friends tell me that it is humiliating to get to know each other on the Internet, it’s embarrassing to post your photo on the site, and indeed that all this is nonsense, and if fate pleases, she will create a random meeting WITH HIM, I recall an old anecdote.

One deeply religious man, caught in a storm on a ship, began to sink. He obediently prayed and did not react either to the boat with rescuers or to the helicopter flying by, but waited for God to miraculously take him out of the water. So he drowned. And when he met God in Paradise, he reproachfully asked him: “Why didn't you save me? I believed so, prayed so! " To which God replied: "What do you think - who sent a boat and a helicopter to you?"

It can be long and tedious to wait from Fate or from God for special signs and happy occasions, despising artificially created ways of acquaintance and communication. Sometimes it’s even easier than making mistakes, getting frustrated and trying again to find the one person you’ll be really good with. But still, still … Maybe it's worth a try? What if it was fate itself that brought you to a dating site and urged you to write a few words of praise and irony next to your best photo?

Although, most likely, fate will take you by surprise just when you will not think about any casual acquaintance. An unexpected call at the door, a former classmate who showed up, a nice witness at a friend's wedding, a holiday romance, a new work colleague - but you never know who else or what can dramatically change your life, saving you from loneliness. Have you already decided in what appearance and with what thoughts you will approach this historical moment?