5 signs of true love

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

In one fabulous story that has been wandering around the world for many centuries (its echoes can be found in Shakespeare's tragedy King Lear), the decrepit king somehow decided to ask his daughters how much they love him. The two older sisters used all their eloquence to assure their father of their boundless love. And the third, the youngest, said simply: "I love you as salt loves meat."

The king, offended by such a mundane comparison, drove the youngest daughter out of the palace. And he decided to divide the kingdom between the two older children. But as soon as the formalities were settled, the treacherous daughters kicked their father out the door.

123RF / Nicoleta Ifrim-Ionescu

In search of shelter and food, the beggar old man found himself in a house where his youngest daughter was now serving. Left unrecognized, she prepared the stranger meat without salt. The hungry king tried to forcefully swallow a piece of a tasteless dinner and burst into tears: "Now it is clear to me that the only one who really loved me was my youngest daughter …" "King Lear", where, as you know, on the contrary, almost everyone perishes).

This is a story about true eternal love. It has nothing to do with the emotions pop singers sing about. Or with the pretentious speeches that the heroes of melodramas utter. It is much more earthy, simple and natural. And only after experiencing several passionate novels with a sad end, you can gradually begin to realize what she is. Here are five phrases that a truly loving person can say.

1. I can do without you

“I can't live without you!..” - one singer tears, “Without you, without you, everything became unnecessary at once without you,” another shrilly echoes him. All this sounds so dramatic that it is sometimes funny.

Would you like a relationship in which someone's life would directly depend on your love? So that someone does not leave you a single step and threaten not to survive if you leave him? Or, on the contrary, maybe you yourself experienced something similar, felt that if he left, life would end?

The emotions that fill such a relationship can hardly be called true love. It is rather a painful condition.

123RF / Elnur Amikishiyev

At first, in the "candy-bouquet" period, you may like it, but over time it will inevitably lead to satiety with each other, as well as infringement of the rights and needs of the partner.

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Statements like "I can't live without you!" mean that we are not talking about adult relationships, but about infantilism. There is a fear that came from early childhood, when the baby really could die without the help of adults. A strong desire to be constantly groomed and cherished to you and only you, usually indicates that you are at the stage of some kind of psychological regression, you experience something similar to the feelings of abandoned children who want the attention of adults to be constantly riveted to them … If you feel something like that, it is more expedient to get a consultation from a psychologist, and then you can start getting to know each other.

2. My feelings for you will change

The promise "I will always love you madly" is something like a non-binding loud advertising slogan. And, unfortunately, this is another statement that can destroy relationships rather than strengthen them.

The fact is that nothing in this world stands still, everything is constantly changing. We grow up, grow up, study, get sick, recover, gain weight, get rid of excess, we have new interests, interest in old attachments disappears. And when two people constantly, hand in hand, "move" in this time stream, they both change externally and internally, constantly rubbing against each other again. Many fear that if love also has the ability to change, then it will go away, disappear. This is possible.

But the opposite is also true: love, which knows how to adapt to new life circumstances, is indestructible.

The initial insane attraction harmoniously turns into a warm comradely understanding, then again "reheats" to passion, as each of the partners eventually finds new attractive qualities in the other.

123RF / Fabio Formaggio

3. You are not all that I need

It is amazing how often it happens that a new hobby or the renewal of forgotten hobbies is taken with hostility by the "soul mate"! A frightened partner begins to dig himself or takes offense, expressing claims such as: “Why do you play tennis for three hours a week (do gardening, paint pictures)? Am I trying badly to make you happy ?! " It is advisable to honestly admit: “Yes, one relationship with another person is not enough for complete happiness, and if I pretended that this was not so, I would be lying, you do not want that? Have you ever thought what you would like to do on your own?"

We will not strengthen our relationship by sacrificing our interests. Only mutual support in matters of personal growth can bond two people even more tightly.

4. I will not be by your side forever

The line between romantic vows like: “I love you so much that I’m ready to share my life with you to the last drop, without a trace, until death do us part” - and the manifestation of madness: “I love you so much that I will kill you without hesitation, only try to leave me!”- so vague that sometimes we are talking about the same thing … People who often say such things love“spider-like”: they set up nets and, as soon as the victim is caught, they quickly entangle it to eat with time. This is hardly the love you dream of.

The difference between true love and "spider" is simple to explain: a spider-partner wants to reign supreme, to control a loved one like a puppet. And real feeling does not tolerate coercion and is possible only by free choice.

There are several beacons by which you can recognize the "spider" next to you. If, for example, you notice that your partner makes you feel or do something that goes against your will, that is, manipulates, then you are playing by his rules, as a victim caught in the web. A train of thought like, "I'd rather hide what I really think, because the truth will make him angry," says that you are in trouble and are about to be eaten.

123RF / Siarhei Lenets

The way out of this situation is simple: tell the truth, only the truth, nothing but the truth! Be responsible for making your own decisions, including choosing to submit to the spider. Talk to him about your real feelings, needs, desires, without trying to insist on your own or evoke the reaction you need from him.

5. You and I are not one

Some get along so well with the desires and needs of their partner, yielding to him in everything that they can no longer understand where their desires are, and where - not so much imposed, but “coming from outside”. But sooner or later, the understanding that you are living not your own life, but someone else's, will surely come.

As a result, such “self-sacrifice” leads to deep resentment and the final destruction of the relationship.

After such an experience, having burnt himself in milk, a person often begins to blow into the water and go to the other extreme: to look for partners who are similar in everything to themselves. And the following problem arises: after a while you find yourself in a boring conversation with a “like-minded person” who “shares” all your views, with a similar temperament, who, looking into your mouth, agrees with every sound you make. It's one thing if you're a born narcissist, and if not? Then conversations with your own reflection quickly get bored. If this is your problem, a few visits to a good therapist can be helpful.