Trust in a couple: the limits of what is allowed

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

How many people - so many models of relations between them. Someone may think wildly the very idea that a loved one will go to drink coffee with another woman and then take her home. This behavior is perceived as a betrayal, even though there was no hint of physical intimacy. "Emotional is even more important!" - in this case, opponents of communication between husbands and "girlfriends" parry.

But there is another point of view: sometimes a couple builds up a relationship in which everyone is free to do whatever he wants. We are not talking about the extreme form of free ties, when one partner does not care at all where the other spent the night. The point is only that for many it is quite normal if their significant other flirts with another member of the opposite sex, accepts gifts from him, goes to meetings, etc.

123RF / Viacheslav Iakobchuk

Adherents of this view of love believe that trust is the foundation of everything. And the one who believes his beloved will not even think to be jealous of him. Which point of view should be considered normal, and which one is beyond the usual? Are people who are too jealous of their soulmates limited and do not trust them? Or are those who agree to be free in relationships, in fact, do not admit to themselves that they have matured, and are afraid to take responsibility for their feelings and actions, covering this fear with stories of trust?

Of course, to each his own. Someone will be satisfied with one thing, while others will preach something else all their lives. But in both cases there are pitfalls that should be feared. In the end, it is one of them, a small and at first glance inconspicuous pebble, may one day painfully dig into your leg.

123RF / Dmytro Tarasenko

Relationship model: "I only have you, you only have me"

In such couples, warm and informal communication with other members of the opposite sex is usually tacitly prohibited. If it happens to one of the partners to meet for coffee with a man or a woman, then most likely it will be a business meeting, and the other partner will certainly be aware of it. Correspondence with someone on social networks or via SMS is regarded as a desire to flirt. People feel needed and highly value the seriousness of their relationship without jeopardizing it. They do not allow themselves liberties, but they demand the same from a loved one.

Underwater rocks

If one in a pair adheres to this view, this does not mean that the other will agree with him in everything. It often happens that an overly correct woman chooses a man who is easier to communicate with the opposite sex and suffers from his sincere misunderstanding why she is jealous, reads his correspondence, arranges interrogations with addiction.

Even mutual distrust can destroy such a couple. What can we say about cases when one often unreasonably torments the other with suspicions.

In addition, such a relationship is always an unnecessary merger with a partner, in which the beloved do not think of themselves without each other. This is an unhealthy approach. Each person should have personal time and space. In a similar relationship, there is nothing personal, everything is in common. Such couples are characterized by resentment and scandals due to the fact that someone came later than promised, stayed late at work, did not pick up the phone, etc.

123RF / Dmytro Zinkevych

Relationship model: “I trust you. You can, like me, communicate with whoever you want"

In such a pair, people, as a rule, do not worry that their beloved person has been in correspondence with their ex or ex all evening, invites her or him to visit on a family holiday, and is ready to be the first to come to the rescue. No one needs to account for the time spent away from a loved one. The main principle is trust. I believe you, you believe me. “Why limit someone else's freedom? It's good for us together, so be it,”say the adherents of this form of relationship.

Underwater rocks

This model is viable only in those couples where everyone truly agrees with it. In a relationship where one is "free" and the other is only pretending, sooner or later discord sets in. Many girls are not happy that their men spend too much time talking with their ex. In addition, they lack at least a small manifestation of jealousy on the part of a loved one. “He doesn't care where I am and with whom, who gave me flowers. I seem to be in a relationship, but it seems I am not,”complain in this case, the fair sex. And when asked why they once agreed to these rules of the game, they answer: "It seemed that it is modern and correct: not to torment another with claims and suspicions over trifles."

Of course, if both accept such conditions, everything can turn out quite well. However, psychologists believe that in a sense, the excessive desire for all-consuming trust in a couple is due only to the emotional immaturity of a man and a woman who are afraid to take responsibility and admit that a relationship is not fun, but a serious step.

123RF / Roman Samborskyi

As a result, it turns out that both the one and the other model of behavior is a limitation: you do not allow your favorite step to take a step without your knowledge - set a framework for him, into which for some reason he must squeeze his life; Allowing your partner to do whatever they want, demanding the same attitude in return - you do not allow yourself to take the relationship seriously and deprive the loved one of the feeling that you really need him. Moderation is important in such matters, extremes will not be taken to good.

You need to trust a loved one, but you should never forget that if he chose you, and you chose him, then dispersing on others means partly showing doubts about your choice. Do you doubt it?