My mother-in-law is a monster

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

"Oh, damn it, I don't want to get up, I wouldn’t want more minutes … twenty … Well, let's open our right eye … and now the left one, pull-I-I-I-lamb … turn around neatly … Oh you, my little paw! How sweet it sleeps! Smack-smack-smack. Why such a miracle, such a bitchy mother ?!, to conduct reconnaissance, and there you look and I will have time to seize the bathroom while my mother-in-law puts the kettle on. Small rushes, … do not make noise … the main thing is that the enemy does not suspect my presence "… Clap, clap …" Ha! I had time, now I can calmly devote myself, beloved, 10 minutes … Well, why knock, then? What half an hour, I just went in! Lord, she has a courier watch or something? The chimes are always running ahead. meet fully armed …

"Good morning, Mary-Bath!" …

And I think to myself: my mother-in-law is a monster, but nothing can be done about it! Here, the pereshnitsa, at least she answered, always nods like a Chinese dummy, no, today she looks like a deep-sea mine in these "curlers". Well, you have to call them that … with a sort of pronouncing: "Curler-yu-yu-shki". Oh, well, a complete ATAS, a fifty-kopeck woman, and she keeps "curls of passion" twisting. Now it will again begin to rattle demonstratively with dishes … well, yes, I didn't wash it yesterday after dinner, then what ?! Here I am such a "slob", and "my mother did not teach me anything" … Every morning the same song, and I will do the dishes on purpose when I want to, and not when "it should be clean." Why is she looking at me like that ?! Oh, yes, the blouse is new … yes, we went into the shop yesterday after working with a friend, it was a sin not to buy it for such a price, but what does Volodenka have to do with it … and that Volodenka has no shirts? How dirty is it ?! Oh, well, yes, I soaked it two days ago, and yesterday I did a manicure, why should I fiddle with fresh nails in powder … I washed it myself ?! And who asked for something ?! No, well, who asked ?! Well, put up a monument to yourself, no, better a bust. Bust you, Mary-Vanna, will look more spectacular! This is how you capture yourself in marble, in a Chinese dressing gown and multi-colored "curlers".

Oh, Volodenka, good morning! Didn't get enough sleep, poor thing, again went to bed late yesterday. And nothing to stare at me like that, you might think that I made him take his work home. Well, for sure, now she will begin to lament that she works a lot, but still does not have enough money … ugh you, but my blouse has surrendered to her! Everything, it's time to dump, now sighs, sobs, in short, a rehearsal of the "heart attacks" scene will begin. You should, Mary-Vanna, go on stage … Only I doubt that you will rise above the extras in the crowd. "Moscow, you know, does not believe in tears."

What do you mean "sonny, don't drink coffee" ?! Fine

I whipped out two mugs in front of her eyes, she didn’t say a word to me, but son, then don’t drink, on my heart, you see, the load. You see, she read an article about the harmfulness of coffee in the morning, after all, my mother-in-law is a monster. And where does she get such articles? No, this is in spite of me, they say, you do what you want, and I myself fed my son with a "natural" breakfast and will feed him. Now he will put some porridge for him, and pour him some tea, and then pat him on the head and send him to school. Here are the "jokes of our town!" He is an adult, married man, and they feed him with porridge in the morning. And I … and I … will make myself a hot sandwich, like this! Sit down, Volodenka, sniff and listen to a lecture on "separate and proper nutrition" while I gobble up starch with fats by both cheeks. You, Volodenka, decide which team you play. Either you are now pushing the porridge aside and sharing a sandwich with me, or you continue to serve Mommy's quirks. Just like that, and nothing else!

And what is it you, Mary-Vanna, so get into … what did I say ?! Is there any news for you that your son is stuck in "barefoot childhood"? He is afraid of sneezing without your permission. We've been married for two years now, and you still call him "baby", just don't kiss the top of the head, and even then, because you can't reach. And for me it is discordant: my husband and suddenly "baby" … Yes, I will not look for anyone else, I will block it for myself!

During, while we are here with you, Mary-Vanna, we divide the territory, Volodenka ate my sandwich! I promised you that it would be my way. Victory, Mary-Vanna, is forged deep in the rear. Don't die, starch goes well with fats.

That's it, Vovchik, five minutes to reach the front door … we're late. Until the evening, Mary-Vanna, you always manage to spoil your mood … but we loons don't care. Eh, my mother-in-law is a monster!

Olga Fedorenko