What is the right way to praise a child?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

If adults too often scold a baby, emphasizing his shortcomings and forgetting about achievements, he begins to think that he is the worst of all, that no one loves him, that no one needs him. Hence, a complex of their inferiority arises and, as a consequence, anger towards the whole world, distrust, which can be expressed both in the aggressiveness of the child, and in his constant constraint, self-doubt. And then there is no need to talk about success in some kind of creative activity.

Trying to instill good habits in children, to teach them something, parents constantly evaluate their actions - they praise, scold, make comments. It turns out that in different periods of preschool age, children perceive the comments of an adult differently. Let's try to figure out how praise the child correctly?

If preschoolers are 3 years old

Offer to complete simple tasks (build a house of cubes, lay out pictures, etc.) and, observing their actions, from time to time praise them or make comments to them in a very polite manner, then these comments do not particularly bother the kids. They calmly continue the activity that is interesting for them, without worrying about how an adult evaluates their actions.

In children 5 years old

On the contrary, a heightened sensitivity to the assessments of elders appears. Each comment causes offense - children frown, turn away, take offense, and if there were too many such comments, they generally refuse to complete the task.

In preschool age, the attitude of adults becomes especially important. Children need not only to be noticed, but to be sure to praise their actions. If parents or educators too often make comments, constantly emphasize the inability or inability of the child to do something, he loses all interest in this matter and he seeks to avoid it. And vice versa, the best way to teach a kid something, to instill in him interest in some activity, is to encourage his success, praise his actions. That's how important praise the child correctly.

As an example

One boy (his name was Petya) until 6 years old could not learn to draw in any way. A few months later he had to go to school, but he could not even hold a pencil correctly and only scribbled on paper. The kindergarten teacher repeatedly complained to his mother. And she, with the best of intentions, made Petya draw every day, each time explaining how important it was for him: "All the guys at your age are already good at drawing and writing letters, but you don't even hold a pencil well! So sit and try." But the boy, despite all his mother's persistent arguments, refused this occupation, hated by him, was capricious, cried and even deliberately broke pencils and tore paper to avoid another lesson. And my mother again scolded him and again forced him to draw. And everything was repeated from the beginning. Then my mother decided to invite a teacher. She was not a professional artist, but she understood well the psychology of the preschooler.

When Petya for the first time, holding a pencil in his fist, drew a crooked, shaggy sun, the teacher was delighted and praised him: "What a funny, unkempt sun! You, it turns out, draw quite well! Try again!" And Petya drew a sparse, crooked grass, and something vaguely similar to a tree. “Great!” The teacher praised. “The picture can be hung on the wall. Let your sun shine from there.” "I can do it even better," Petya admitted modestly.

When he then drew another similar picture, the teacher showed how it is more comfortable to hold the pencil, and Petya tried his best to get more praise. He was already looking forward to the next lesson ("When will this strange aunt come and praise me for what I was scolded for before?"). The teacher came and each time praised the boy's very dubious successes. And Petya began to draw even before the lesson, trying to get the praise he needed so much from an authoritative adult.

Naturally, he began to paint better because he tried. And when the boy was already sure that he was respected, that he was drawing no worse than other children, he calmly accepted comments about the shortcomings in his drawings.

Will you say that this is deception, that this is outright flattery? Not at all. The teacher said everything sincerely: after all, in every work of the child you can find something good, if only because this is his first work and it is somehow different from others. There is no need to compare the success of the baby with the achievements of other more capable peers. The main starting point should be his own achievement a week ago or yesterday. You just need to notice it and focus the child's attention, first of all, on victory, and not on defeat. This is important in order not to discourage the child from being interested in a useful activity, in order to instill confidence in their abilities (and these things are very related). After all, when the same Petya, from day to day, from year to year both at home and in the garden, was constantly told that he had no ability to draw, that he was the worst painter of all and therefore needed to draw more, he simply hated this "nasty" an occupation that is causing him so much trouble. And when the teacher helped him to believe in himself, and was able to praise the child correctly, the boy's attitude to drawing changed radically - it became a way of his self-affirmation.

By the way, check yourself if you managed to create a favorable atmosphere for your child for the development of his creative personality …

Prepared by Elena SMIRNOVA