Polygamy in Russian: one husband - two families

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Husband, wife and another wife - it would seem that today the family of an Arab sheikh might look like this. But it also happens in Russia. We have fewer men than women, and women in polls more often call themselves married than men recognize themselves as married. The conclusion suggests itself: many husbands create a full-fledged family on the side, not limited to episodic betrayal. It turns out that there is a kind of modern "polygamy" in Russia.

In practice, polygamy in Russia looks like this: after several years of marriage, the husband begins to cheat. He gets a constant mistress, with whom he secretly communicates from time to time. Then this relationship grows stronger, and the mistress establishes family life with another man's husband. They have, as the lawyers say, "jointly acquired property", they run a household together, an unofficial couple in many cases has children. At the same time, the walking husband does not divorce his wife. Moreover, a real spouse may not even be aware of the partner's double life.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky is well aware of this problem:

- In my practice, there were many such cases. Husbands complain about their indecision in choosing one of the partners, wives complain about the double life of their spouse. In many families, women turn a blind eye to the problem - they pretend not to notice any betrayal. Many of my patients think that this "polygamy" is something abnormal, terrible, unnatural. But, unfortunately, man is a polygamous creature. This is how nature created it. And the institution of monogamous marriage was created by man himself. Therefore, when studying the problem of polygamy in Russia, one circumstance should be taken into account: this phenomenon has existed as long as there is a monogamous family.

Second Wife as Bentley

“Whoever bought a second pair of pants decided to have two wives” is a popular Arabic saying.

In Muslim countries, where polygamy is accepted and legal, not everyone can afford to remarry. Therefore, for many Islamic peoples, a second wife is a sign of prestige and prosperity. Like a Bentley.

Tatyana Gurko, head of the family and gender relations sector at the Institute of Sociology of the Russian Academy of Sciences, identifies those groups of Russians in which "polygamy" is most common:

- Most of the "modern polygamists" are representatives of the middle class, that is, men with an average income and above. After achieving material well-being, one often wants another success - marriage with a young woman and new offspring. Someone leaves the old family, and someone starts a new one informally. This is also the case among certain religious and ethnic groups living in the Russian Federation.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky believes that for some men a second wife is a way of self-affirmation.

- For many men, having a second partner is proof of their wealth. “I provide for both. Therefore, I have the right to a "double" relationship "- cheating husbands reason that way.

Men's opinion: Scrolling through the news feed of one of the social networks, I came across an interesting article. It was posted on the relationship community and was titled "25 Reasons for Male Cheating." At first I thought I had read it wrong. But no, that's right - "25 reasons". 25! Where did so much come from? If there is only one reason - the absence of gray matter in the skull (regardless of whether it is male or female). But the authors tensed and counted as many as 25. Read more …

Russian polygamy

It turns out that in our country unofficial "polygamy" is more developed than in other countries. Specialist Tatyana Gurko explains this phenomenon as follows:

- Speaking in a scientific language, in Russia there is a gender imbalance in the age of marriage. The ratio of men and women at the age of marriage is unequal: there are much more women. There are 11 million fewer men in Russia than women.

At the same time, in big cities the situation is even more acute: according to our social studies, usually women from provinces leave their homes and move to a large city, while men stay in villages and villages. Thus, in the periphery, the number of men and women becomes equal, and in the capital and other large regions, there are much more young unmarried women than potential suitors.

The biological need for marriage and offspring is superimposed on a limited supply of men, and for many women, the role of a second, unofficial spouse is the only way to get married and have children.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky's advice:

What if the husband got himself a second woman?

1. A potential "polygamist" can be recognized by his previous relationship. The "risk group" includes those men who have already had the experience of living in two houses. The mistress should be borne in mind: it is possible that if her friend officially divorces his wife and marries her, he will soon find another woman for himself, and the situation will repeat itself.

2. Emotional or sexual dissatisfaction in marriage often leads to a "double life". Conflicts, lack of a sense of novelty and problems in intimate life contribute to the emergence of a second "wife". To avoid this, you should work on the relationship in the marriage.

3. Many wives simply refuse to believe all the evidence of a husband's double life. Don't be paranoid, but be careful: don't fool yourself. If you have come to terms with the situation, take it for granted. If not, try to decide for yourself what kind of relationship with your husband suits you.

4. Children in such situations suffer the most. It doesn't matter whose heirs they are - an official wife or an unofficial partner, children should not suffer from the difficult relationship of their parents. Protect children from conflict. The child does not need to know the details of your personal life.

5. Some people are born lucky - psychologically monogamous. This is a rare occurrence, but if such a person finds a similar spouse, then this family will never face modern "polygamy". For the rest, it should be borne in mind that the need to change is natural for a person.

Men and women cheat in marriage with approximately the same frequency. The only difference is that some men are not limited to sex. Remember this when making your marital decisions - only you can build an ideal relationship.

Tips for wives from mistresses: How to determine if he has someone on the side? The mistresses know best of all. The Cleo correspondent questioned women who had ties with married men. And here's what advice they gave their wives. Read more…