Between the devil and the deep sea

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

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Anecdotes are composed by men, but also by women. After all, you have caused good-natured (or not so) laughter from a group of friends more than once, giving something like: "A young man is lying on the couch, suddenly a mother-in-law enters the room with a broom." Maman, do you clean up? Or are you going to fly? Did the thought occur to you then that your mother is also a future mother-in-law? Yes, in general, you yourself?

Now imagine that such anecdotes are being poisoned by your chosen one. Meanwhile, the matter is steadily moving towards the wedding. Will it be funny for you? Or will you see your future life together from a different perspective? True, most likely, the initial stage of getting to know the parents was almost painless. Well, your beloved knocked over a cup of tea on your mother’s dress, well, when asked about long-term plans, he naively said “why think about them - you need to be able to enjoy life,” well, he drank too much in the company of his future father-in-law, who was thus testing a potential son-in-law” for lice "… Everything is like everyone else. And you haven't heard anything criminal about your mother from him. Before the wedding. Because the next day he said: "Everything was great. Only your mother ruined the whole mood …"

Since then, stinging remarks about your mother-in-law can become an integral part of your family life. And also hairpins addressed to your son-in-law - already from your mother's side. You can only wonder how two adults, equally loved by you, can be so stubborn and intractable! Naturally, sooner or later you will find yourself involved in a conflict, and you will live between two fires. And your dad is likely to discreetly hide in the shadows.

Naturally, a conflict is easier to prevent than to resolve. Psychologists believe that a man usually borrows a model of relationship with his mother-in-law from his father. So, if you want to know how the relationship between your beloved and your mother will develop in the future, inadvertently ask how his father got along with his mother-in-law. But if a man grew up in an incomplete family, then the experience of friends will be an example for him … and those same jokes. Yes Yes!

In addition, statistics assert that it is the mother-in-law who is the initiator of the conflicts: they "attack" several times more often than the sons-in-law! And if you live together, then conflicts simply cannot be avoided. You need to learn how to smooth them out. Perhaps the most prudent of you seems to be to take a neutral position: two are fighting - the third is not in the way. People are adults, civilized, they can figure it out on their own. Only practice shows that these showdowns can last until the moment "only one will remain alive."

And, most likely, it will be the mother-in-law. And the son-in-law will spit and leave where his eyes look, only so as not to be in the same house with her. Fighting on enemy territory is useless. The mother-in-law will draw a line under each discussion with the words: "This is MY house, and I am the mistress here!" And there are more than enough reasons for discussions (read "conflicts"). Even a separate room and your own refrigerator cannot isolate you from everyday disagreements. There is no point in listing them here, since mother-in-law turns out to be extremely inventive, and every time they come up with something new! If the mother-in-law reproaches her son-in-law for not washing his dirty socks right away, then next time she will declare that he dries them in the wrong place …

It is not so easy to resolve domestic disputes, although sometimes it seems that the matter is not worth a damn. Imagine yourself in the place of a mother: for many years a certain order was established in the house, which was comfortable for her and her husband. Yes, in fact, for yourself. And suddenly a stranger with completely different habits settles in the house. Break your lifestyle because of him? Not everyone is ready for this! Let Mom get used to the new family member! You can always try to find a compromise between her habits and the habits of your husband.

It is much more unfortunate if your mom has a habit of interfering with your personal life. It is clear that she does this not out of malice, but out of great love, but this understanding does not make it easier. In addition, the most wonderful and tactful mother instantly turns into a fury if her beloved child is offended - and God forbid you to quarrel with your husband in front of her! You understand that it is enough to kiss your husband on the cheek in order to restore peace, but for your mother your quarrel is tantamount to losing the ground under your feet. How so - her beloved child is offended by some outsider boy (because, if only your husband and mother are not the same age, then she looks at things this way. Both of you are children for her). Your husband runs the risk of hearing a lot of words about relationships with women, in particular, that, having raised his voice, next time he will raise his hand.

And, although you happily listen to her advice, only you make the final decision. It is useful, by the way, to ask your grandmother on your mother's side, how did her relationship with your dad develop? For my mother's version of events may be radically different from the true one!

The most difficult option is when your mom is categorically against your marriage and does not get tired of repeating this over and over again. There is only one way out - not to live together, anyway, nothing will come of it. Perhaps, over time, she will nevertheless come to terms with the presence of a son-in-law so hated by her. But only This will only inflame her and confirm in the opinion that your husband is a rare bastard, not worthy of her daughter.

However, it would be good for you to adhere to some rules of conduct in relations with your mother. First, understand: the fact that you love your husband does not mean that your mother should have the same anxious feelings for him. He is a stranger to her, at least in the beginning. Secondly, do not shift your problems onto her. This, incidentally, also applies to the birth of children. If you consider yourself old enough to get married, then you must solve your own problems. Once you decide to have a baby, don't expect your mom to sit with him while you continue your carefree lifestyle. Every time she helps in something, thank her, and do not take help for granted. And don't forget that you, too, can help her. Finally, train your husband - and don't forget yourself - to compliment her. It is not necessary to overwhelm your mother-in-law with gifts like perfume and tableware, but a bouquet of flowers will disarm her, even a belligerent one!

And if your own daughters are growing up, and you catch yourself thinking that you are jealous of their gentlemen, try the tried-and-true remedy: when you want to say taunts at one of them … remember one of the jokes about your mother-in-law, and tell it.