Why do people lie?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Jerome K. Jerome has a satirical story of the same name. At the very beginning of the twentieth century, an English writer sadly admitted that society is completely false, and people only do what they pretend to be. Children shirk, friends are secretive, lovers are cunning, politicians are simply lying … In witty, biting expressions, the writer delivered a verdict: if you are frank, you will be branded as abnormal.

What has changed in a hundred years? By and large, nothing. Only if before the ladies covered their cunning faces with a fan, and the gentlemen deceived elegantly and unhurriedly, then at the current pace of life, swift and shamelessly inventive lies flourish.

Congratulations, citizen, you have lied

Do you often say what you really think? Answer one-two-three. That's right - almost never. Even in communication with the closest people, truth takes a modest place, about ten percent of all words spoken. The rest is diplomatic tricks, smiles, excuses, delicacy, silence. I'm sorry, what? Are you indignant at claiming that you are the most sincere person in the world who values honesty in personal and business relationships above all else? You cannot live a minute without guile. As Koroviev-Fagot said, "I congratulate you, citizen, you have lied." Have you ever asked yourself the question: why do people lie?

Visiting the parents of your beloved, you praise the tasteless concoction of a potential mother-in-law. You say that the best friend of your beloved is inconspicuous, notorious and non-sexual, although for two weeks now you have been haunted by obsessive erotic fantasies with his participation. To get a big order for a company, you flirt hard with a balding, fat client with a wart on his nose. It is possible that you cheer up the complete losers and flatteringly admire those who are more successful than you. At a meeting with rich friends, you throw your last money and shout: "I pay for everyone!" Hiding a package of fries in your pocket, you make fun of those who eat at McDonald's … There are many examples of lies. In at least one thing you will undoubtedly recognize yourself. However, do not be discouraged.

Something about lying

If we assume that everyone is lying, then, apparently, the most honest person of all living is dumb. But this does not mean at all that the world is completely inhabited by scoundrels and hypocrites. More often than others, the desire to distort reality is experienced by neurotics with an alarming gleam in their eyes. Law-abiding citizens are much less likely to indulge in deceitful speeches than adventurous people with wild imaginations, aggressive hooligans, or subjects with a suspended criminal record. Do not trust the words of secular lions and party-goers. According to psychologists, people with an open mindset, sociable and cheerful, no matter how offensive, are much more deceitful than introverted silent people.

Domestic and foreign experts assure that the desire to deceive is a national Russian trait, typical for our latitudes and much less characteristic of the inhabitants of Western Europe. It is curious that out of ten cases of lying, only in one does the liar want to offend or humiliate the interlocutor. In the rest, it's just a game, no matter how non-binding, easy and fun. We can say, the author's view of the surrounding reality and life events. Perhaps this is our peculiarity and the solution to the "mysterious Russian soul" lies?

The great connoisseur of the human soul, Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, in his article "Something about Lies" shared some interesting observations: "We in Russia, in the classes of the intelligent, cannot even have a non-lying person at all. This is precisely because in our country even completely honest people can lie. … In other nations, in the overwhelming majority, only villains lie; they lie for practical gain, that is, directly for criminal purposes. lie out of hospitality."

Tell me, uncle …

Let's not argue with Fyodor Mikhailovich. Maybe out of hospitality. One way or another, but flogging the truth-uterus and staying alive, not losing your beloved, friends and work is the privilege of the elite. Frankness in expressing thoughts and feelings is a serious test that ends in a deafening failure or dazzling triumph. Having told the truth, you may find yourself on the street or walking up the red carpet. In short, it is a risk that was once considered a noble cause. Do you want to take a chance? Do you want to go against the current, against history, against traditions, finally? Then a little instruction manual.

The neighbors on the floor above start each day with scandals and screams. The wife blames the betrothed for ruined life, lack of money and someone else's bra found under the bed. The spouse responds with eloquent unprintable abuse. They have something beating, falling and rumbling. The walls are thin, so you hear them screaming and burrow into your pillow. Earlier, when meeting with brawlers in an elevator, you politely greeted and averted your eyes. Deciding to be frank, you go up to their apartment in the midst of an argument. You call a woman a quarrelsome woman, and a man a goat and a bum. "Oh, you rubbish! - the woman immediately begins to scream. - What do you understand in life!" From a silent neighbor below you have turned into a destroyer of quiet family happiness. They have their own truth, with smashing dishes and swearing. They do not need yours, it is not on the shoulder and not in size. After this, you no longer ask yourself the question: why do people lie? Everything is clear here.

If you really want to express everything that is boiling, present the truth exquisitely, with taste and intelligence. Psychologists believe that you need to monitor intonation and voice delivery no less than the text you pronounce. Learn to adapt to the tone of the interlocutor. For example, if neighbors are accustomed to talking in high notes, then you do not whisper, but speak the truth loudly and confidently. If you catch the "wave" of the interlocutor, he unconsciously imbued with confidence in you. Here comes the turn of your signature number - a frank conversation. Even notorious truth-lovers should use the most basic diplomatic techniques. Praise the dignity of the interlocutor and be silent about the shortcomings. Scattering in compliments to a violent neighbor, in between times inform that her passionate temperament is the dream of any man, you would be like that! She will turn crimson and smile with a gaping mouth. You, too, can blush and smile (psychological technique called "The Mirror"). Then admit that, you see, you are miserable to the extreme, if you want to be in silence and loneliness at least a couple of hours a day. Most likely, the neighbors will pity you, forgive you and try to be quieter. A cycle of such sessions - and the neighbors will become silk. At least a few hours a day.

When it comes to external dignity and sex appeal, you need to be especially careful. Find the person's most attractive trait (everyone has at least one virtue!) And start praising it. It has been noticed that men are sensitive to lies associated with material and moral losses, business and social status. Women react when their feelings are deceived. By the way, novice lovers of truth will not hurt to practice rhetoric and take a couple of lessons on stage speech. A well-placed voice, beautiful, correct speech, the ability to be convincing and correctly express one's thoughts are the most powerful, invaluable weapon.

A friend confesses in trouble

In relationships with friends, a certain trust exists, as they say, a priori. A close friend will help you to squeeze out a pimple on your forehead if something happens, and you, in turn, will lend her the keys to the apartment or a beautiful bra for an important date. With friends, you can watch TV in silence, without worrying that silence will be regarded as "somehow wrong", and the neighbor will pout. There are few "closed zones" in friendship. The only slippery point is criticism. Although friends in life, as a rule, go awry, their character is rather nasty, and their thoughts are impure, we usually keep our observations to ourselves, under a large barn castle. Nobody wants to lose a good friend. Meanwhile, the truth can be of real benefit.

Over a glass of wine and chocolates, you discuss the latest news from your personal life with the girls. Look closely at your faithful girlfriends and choose a victim. Remember all its striking advantages and no less varied disadvantages. Remember how she made eyes at the guy you really liked. Remember how she cheerfully denounced you for lying, when at a meeting of classmates you inspiredly wrote about a frenzied annual income and a Rolls-Royce at the entrance. In general, you yourself know what you need to remember. Then gather courage and patience. And read out the entire list of claims, recommendations and advice. If a friend neglects epilation, bites her nails and rarely washes her hair, give a new shampoo and sign up for a laser hair removal session. Personal life is not going well and shyness overcomes - present biographies of famous women, who also did not have everything right away, as well as a couple of life-affirming books in bright covers from the "Romantic Comedy" series. Finally, go to a noisy bar and spend an evening there with funny guys, so that later you will forget them forever. With a certain delicacy and a sincere desire to help, everything will work out. Everything is possible with friends. Just be careful.

I love you, what more …

So, you are ready to admit that you cry over melodramas and watch silly reality shows. The final round comes - showing the "closet skeleton" to your boyfriend. The march must be taken seriously. Invite him over and tell him that you have long wanted him to fix the shelves in the bathroom. Or ask to retell the plot of The Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann. Or ask which dress fits you best. In general, give him a task that he most likely will not cope with. In case there was something to "cover" and not look like a complete idiot. At the X hour, light the candles, take a sip of wine and conspiratorially say: "I must confess something to you." Here and reveal your terrible secret. What is your secret, I do not know.

After your confession, the young man will be upset or, on the contrary, delighted. Perhaps he was afraid (thirsty?) To hear the words of love, and you are here with some melodramas, wardrobes, TVs … However, he will get nervous and calm down. Even if you after all confess tender feelings. The only condition is that the declaration of love must be sincere. Otherwise, nothing will work, honestly!

A fairy tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it …

Why do people lie, is it so hard to tell the truth? And truth is a great way of emotional release and self-realization. Train with integrity on a regular basis and remember that even one word of honor directed to the right address has a dozen unexpected consequences. Some of them are pleasant.

Read other equally interesting articles in our women's magazine! Live to the rhythm of "Cleo"!