Perfectionism: a life without room for error

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The desperate desire to do everything perfectly: to look, to work, to maintain a life and to raise children - can play a cruel joke with you. The constant need to achieve goals and conform to self-proclaimed ideals can drive you into the trap called "I do not live up to the bar." And for a perfectionist, not reaching the bar is all the same, that for a heavy smoker at one moment to give up the addiction is very painful and extremely adversely affects the nervous system.

Of course, perfectionists, standing up to defend their aspirations, explain that this is the only way to achieve something worthwhile: by agreeing to the "middle", you will remain a middle peasant forever. There is some truth in this belief. Exactly as in the fact that self-flagellation for the mistakes made has never made anyone happy.

Psychologists are seriously concerned that the meaning of life for more and more people is becoming a fanatical pursuit of perfection. They call it something unhealthy and advise you to reconsider your outlook on life.

What is the danger of "perfectionist syndrome"?

Ignoring the process

Perfectionists sometimes don't notice how life goes by. Being result-oriented, they completely overlook the process. They do not enjoy solving current problems, do not see the joys in the usual things.

It always seems to them that real happiness is there - in the future, where they are ideal, and what is now - just scenery, imperfect and not worthy of attention. As a result, when the result is achieved, the perfectionist still finds a lot of flaws in him and cannot remember anything good that accompanied him on the path traveled.

Life under stress

It is impossible to treat the task at hand easily if you want it to be completed exclusively on a "5+" basis. Trying to embrace the immensity, perfectionists make attempts to keep track of all the little things, to be in time everywhere, to control themselves and others. This is how constant stress and breakdowns appear.

You cannot be at the same time at work, with family, with friends, with children. In achieving goals, you always have to sacrifice at least a little something. There are 24 hours in a day, and perfectionists, with their desire to be perfect in everything, need at least 48. Realizing that life's realities do not coincide with exaggerated requirements, such people often fall into a depressive state.

Black and white

For perfectionists, there are only these colors. No gray, no halftones. Either bad or good. Either for or against. In life, everything is much more complicated - sometimes, in order to get what you want later, you now have to concede in something to others, agree to "half the success", be content with what you have. Perfectionists, on the other hand, do not accept reality with its half measures, hence disappointment in people and in oneself, often from scratch.

Excessive requirements for others

But not only from themselves, perfectionists expect perfection in everything. They also set rules for their loved ones and colleagues. Children, relatives and friends - all surrounded by a “perfect person” should also be on the same level.

Such an attitude is fraught with misunderstanding on the part of loved ones and, as a result, conflicts, a hostile attitude, and a lack of trust. Not for everyone mistakes are something terrible and unacceptable, some make them with enviable regularity and at the same time remain happy.

Not for everyone mistakes are something terrible and unacceptable, some make them with enviable regularity and at the same time remain happy.

Missed opportunities

As we said, there are no halftones for perfectionists. Therefore, many of them are guided by the principle: "If I know that I cannot cope, I will not take it at all." Someone will not even try, say, to get a dream job if they are not sure of success. And this entails a serious problem: Perfectionists miss dozens, hundreds of profitable opportunities. The fear of taking risks and not getting what they want is extremely strong. They cannot afford to "lose", it is better not even to start the game.

Low self-esteem

Paradoxically, people who always strive for the ideal never consider themselves to be such. They will always find a lot of flaws in themselves, just ask! This is especially true for women. And the "fifth point" is big, and the stomach sticks out, and the hair is terrible, and the skin is imperfect. And this despite the fact that a woman may not get out of fitness clubs and spas for days, but she will still seem ugly to herself, and, therefore, broadcast this self-perception outside, forcing others to think in the same way.

In order not to become a hostage to perfectionism (or to get out of this trap), it is necessary to understand the rule - the light did not come together like a wedge in your work, appearance or order in the apartment. Try to lower the bar on your requirements and let events take their course. Of course, you shouldn't give up completely, but a reasonable approach to solving the tasks (without fanaticism) will allow you to more easily relate to life and possible difficulties.