How to forget your ex and find a new love

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

To survive the gap with dignity and in the shortest possible time is not an easy task! Only really strong, courageous and self-confident women can again believe in themselves and love and dare to a new relationship. Our advice will help you get rid of doubts and complexes, until the end "live" an unpleasant situation and tune in to the positive.

So, the choice is not in your favor. It doesn't matter if another woman is to blame, your "nasty" character, his desire to become more independent and engage in self-development or other circumstances - it is obvious that you are no longer on your way. With your mind, you certainly understand that life is not over, but the heart is more difficult with it, sometimes it seems that it will just burst from pain. It is hardly worth saying that, most likely, it will take more than one month before you "return to duty", and even more so you will be ready for a new relationship. First of all, it is worth taking care of how to "heal" heart wounds, relieve mental pain and gradually return your life to its usual rut, but already without your man once.

Rehabilitation course

You have already spent more than one night without sleep, drowned your bed in tears and remembered the best times of your beautiful love story until recently. It's high time to focus on the intended actions - those that could contribute, if not to your full-fledged "getting in shape", then at least getting out of the state of "first shock", which is highly undesirable to drag out for a long time. What can be done to mitigate the situation and assess it with a sober look?

Seek support - now it is extremely important for you to "pour out" your pain in verbal form and have a number of people who could listen to you patiently. This point is especially important for the first 5-7 days after what happened, when you are fully under the power of emotions, in your head there are a lot of questions from the category "How could he?" and "Why?", and reasonable arguments are completely alien to you. Friends and relatives can support you - all those who care about you and can trust. In some cases, when you feel that you cannot cope with the situation on your own, it makes sense to consult a psychologist.

Focus on the pros - you have a real chance to live the way you like, without burdening yourself with the need to coordinate with your partner, coordinate your decisions with him and look for compromises. Perhaps you have always dreamed of emigrating, and your ex-chosen one was not ready for such a serious step, thought about "wintering" in Asia, while he was "held" by work, and had to give up dancing because of his stupid jealousy? Take a deep breath and enjoy the new opportunities!

Change your surroundings - this will help to abstract from the "tragedy" of the situation and begin to put thoughts in order. At the same time, the brighter this change will be, the better - for example, even a short trip abroad will significantly reduce the risk of developing depression, and positive impressions will partially overshadow negative experiences. If the budget does not include "Roman holidays", do not be discouraged! The nearby sanatorium and the notorious recreation center, where you can escape, even for 2-3 days, will give equally good results. And do not forget a patient companion - with a high degree of probability, you will still be prone to a long "rubbing" of what happened.

Unleash your emotions - otherwise, problems with the cardiovascular system and nervous disorders are guaranteed to you. Surely you are familiar with this aching pain in the solar plexus area, about which they say - "the soul hurts."Do not try to endure it, this is a clear signal that the pain needs a way out. Psychologists advise to get rid of experiences in the following way: through singing, dancing or painting. It is not at all necessary to do it professionally: in the case of singing, this can be a real cry from the heart, with drawing - a primitive daub with a finger. The only important thing is that these techniques have a positive effect and help stabilize your condition. Another scientifically proven fact is that deep depression will always be bypassed if you take long walks during the most difficult periods of your life. Just some 5 km a day, and the fortitude of the spirit and strong nerves will become your property!

Take care of your mind and body - most likely, you have already overtaken the "stage of self-flagellation" or it is about to happen. When it seems that you have committed a lot of unforgivable mistakes, and you and only you are to blame for what happened. Believe me, it’s not true! And the fact that you are oppressed by such thoughts is completely normal. This only indicates that the "rehabilitation" process is going on, passing from one of its natural phases to another, only bringing you closer to the "point of no return", after which you will be absolutely all the same. You just need to be patient! In the meantime, you should take the necessary measures so that the predisposition to masochism does not prevail over your being and does not drive your already exhausted consciousness into a dead end. And first of all, we are talking about the need for physical relaxation. For this purpose, massage is perfect - just a couple of sessions a week will give you the necessary amount of relaxation. So that the wrong thoughts do not bring you to the pen, occupy your head with useful reading - in our case, “7 real stories will come in handy. How to survive a divorce "by Andrey Kurpatov," Women who love too much "by Robin Norwood," Good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go wherever they want, or Why obedience does not bring happiness "Ute Erhardt. Maybe after reading these books, you will take a different look at what happened, draw certain conclusions, realize your own omissions, or, on the contrary, sigh with relief, realizing that ending a relationship is the best way out for both of you.

Fall in love with yourself again - Perhaps now your self-esteem is at zero, you are experiencing severe stress, you do not believe in men and in love in general. It is possible that you have even sworn to have children, get married, are disgusted with sex and are ready to take monastic vows. Nevertheless, all these are temporary phenomena, which is really worth doing - getting rid of complexes and remembering how many advantages you have. How can this be achieved? First, allow yourself some small joys: buy flowers, go to a restaurant or a movie, change your hair color and, finally, visit a beautician, sign up for a gym, get a manicure, buy the very skirt you have dreamed of for so long and give yourself a ticket to a concert of your favorite artist. Secondly, do not avoid men - no one pushes you to start a new relationship "right here and now", but you should not completely ignore them. Do not hesitate to ask them for help, do not be afraid to exchange a couple of unlucky phrases or joke - you will be surprised how many men easily make contact and even enjoy communicating with you. Believe me, this is the best way to raise self-esteem and self-worth. Thirdly, stop infringing on your interests for the sake of children, friends and parents - respect your desires and aspirations, learn to put them at the forefront, without looking back at other people's opinions and possible censure.

Turn back - we tend to grieve that love has passed, and are often not able to sensibly evaluate the lost relationship, was it that good? Are your tears worth it? Of course, in the first 10-15 days after everything is over, you, in principle, are not able to adequately assess the situation - due to the specifics of the female psyche. However, after 1-2 weeks after the "tragedy", there are already real chances to "open your eyes wider" and see the true essence of relationships and their obvious flaws, which in the most direct way prevented you from being happy. It's time to think about the fact that perhaps God himself ordered your suffering to end and start a new life.

He's a stranger, he's a stranger, he's bad

All the torments and throwings of the female soul, with the changeability characteristic of the beautiful half of humanity, is well conveyed in the text of the song, performed many years ago by the group "Guests from the Future". Do you remember these lines: “He is a stranger, he is a stranger, he is bad! Don't say anything, he is the best thing that happened to me”? In the context of the situation under consideration, I propose to concentrate on the first part of the song fragment - it is the revival in memory of all the shortcomings of the partner and the self-hypnosis that he is really not as good as you were inclined to think for a long time, that can bring you to your senses and return to reality. Dig deeply in your memory - be sure, she will happily return you to at least a couple of unpleasant situations in which the once beloved man looked far from the best. Here's what our readers "dug up":

“My ex-husband, for whom I, stupid, by the way, suffered no less than two years, behaved disgustingly at the table. Let's say, sorry, belching was a habit for him, and the absorption of food in his performance is simply disgusting. So much so that I even hesitate to go into details! And these permanent greasy stains on pants and shirt - horror! As I remember, I will shudder! (Olga, 35 years old)

“Anton (my ex) was the most careless person I've ever met in my life. Generous, smart, promising! He dumped me for a new young employee who came to their office. One joy - let her now collect the dirty socks and … panties that he throws around the apartment without any hesitation”(Marianna, 30 years old).

“My ex-husband (who, by the way, occupies a good position in a well-known company) is completely incapable of drinking at five minutes later. In addition to the fact that “meetings” with colleagues always ended with drinking alcoholic beverages, and at home this was accompanied by well-known natural processes, as soon as he started to get drunk, an hour ago his intelligent face acquired the dumbest expression - to the envy of the most dimwitted cartoon characters! Now I look at old photographs and laugh, but then it was no laughing matter and offensive! (Yana, 37 years old)

Actively looking

So, after you have developed a disgust towards your ex-husband, who behaved towards you in a far from worthy way, you can take a closer look at other, much more attractive members of the opposite sex. Where to look for them and what to do to increase the chances of making new acquaintances significantly?

Interesting women - interesting men … We all understand perfectly well that life is not a fairy tale, and men do not drive home on a white horse in search of the one that will fit a crystal shoe. The wider your circle of interests and the more active your lifestyle, the more chances you will meet a truly interesting and versatile partner. Go to exhibitions, restaurants, karaoke bars, bowling clubs and other entertainment venues - do not hesitate, people with serious intentions and ready to take responsibility also love to relax.

Register on dating sites - the Internet is literally replete with real stories of those who found their love on the Web. At the same time, quite often the parties come across really enviable ones. Do not disdain virtual acquaintances and get rid of prejudices. Go to the photo studio for quality pictures! And no photoshop!

Connect your girlfriends - no one makes you compulsively "woo", as was customary in the Middle Ages. But why deny yourself a pleasant evening to which a friend invited you, knowing that it will be held in the company of an unmarried and interesting man?

Try speed dating - this newfangled trend will significantly save your time and will allow you to focus exclusively on candidates you are interested in. In addition, the question “like / dislike” will disappear by itself - there is no chance of getting on a second date with a person whom you “did not hook”, no matter how much you like him. These are the rules!

Become an active web user - you can’t even imagine how many marriages were formed thanks to “sitting” on various thematic forums (maybe you are an avid auto lady, you are fond of photography or interior design), blogging by interests, “live magazines” and posting sexy photos on social networks. And how many advantages there are from having joint interests - you definitely won't go wrong!

Does he want to come back?

Do you know the statistics according to which more than half of men who end their relationship on their own initiative want to restore it over time? As the people say, a real "chuyka" works flawlessly for a strong half of humanity - as soon as you establish your life without it, you acquire interesting acquaintances, hobbies and life, as they say, is in full swing - the former is right there to put a blot on a clean white page. A few months ago you were waiting for this so much, looking for the reasons for your misunderstanding, justifying his unseemly actions and cultivating your own complexes, but time has healed the wounds, and it seems that you are not at all ready to return to that “happy” life, which he, more than ever, ready to equip for you. And now he is ready for another child, moving to another city, found a more lucrative job and will go to other "indulgences" on his part, but his inflexibility once became one of the stumbling blocks between you, from which a wall of incomprehension grew over time … Does everything described above seem like fantasy? We assure you, be prepared for the fact that this can happen in your case - too high, if you believe the research, the likelihood of the plot developing in exactly this scenario.

But you just need it? Of course, only you have the right to answer this question. Nevertheless, the same statistics are relentless - for most women, the return of a “prodigal” husband often turns out to be the very case when it is not only late, but no longer necessary. Be happy!