I have achieved a lot, but there is no happiness

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Often, men and women over thirty suddenly catch themselves thinking: “You set goals, climb, strive, achieve, and now, you have almost everything you could dream of … But for some reason it’s empty. And it's not joyful. And there is no happiness."

When I asked such people what they think about the past period of time during which they achieved their goals, they rarely remember anything at all. More precisely, memory stores a formal chain of events, a person consoles himself that much has been done, mentally congratulates himself on what has been achieved, but the memories themselves “do not warm”. And this is the essence of the problem - life was not lived, but run through, experienced in haste and vanity, in many respects it was denied to itself, on many things was put an end to it. And there is no pleasure from achievements, there is no feeling of happiness. And even children and family quickly turn into a routine - still, a person “achieved” a wedding, gave birth to a child, but further life consists of a process! And he is already "bored", he needs new goals, new "conquests".

We will conventionally call one category of people the results, and the other - the processes. They are formed in different ways. The psychology of an effective scorer arises in the constant demands from society, parents, relatives: you must achieve this and that, otherwise you will be considered a failure. The schooler does not know how to be content with what he has, he is always dissatisfied with himself, his standard of living, he constantly compares himself with others (as, most likely, his parents compared). And therefore, there is always someone or something that does not allow him to live in peace, forcing him to set ever higher goals and strive towards them with all his might. The vulnerability of this position is that such a person does not always have enough time and desire to ponder: are these his goals? And does he really need to have what he strives so hard for? After all, everyone's needs are really different. And not having time to think about whether he specifically needs the indicated wealth or status or even a family, the scoring one turns out to be hostage to ideas that may actually contradict his subconscious aspirations. After all, any person in the subconscious has some corner of true desires, if you like - his mission in this world. But there is no time to think about it either.

The trouble of all the scoring ones is boredom, fatigue from what surrounds them, a constant craving for changing partners (after all, he / she has already been conquered, we must still!) And the installation that the outside world should constantly give them incentives - new "baits", entertainment, shake-up. Milan Kundera once wrote that speed is directly proportional to the power of oblivion. This means that the faster we go through life, the less we remember and the poorer our inner world, while a person who wants to truly fill it involuntarily slows down his steps, savoring every step, every memory or emotional movement, every your sigh.

The process, on the other hand, grows out of an interest in one's own self. For him, the principle "know thyself" is not an empty phrase. In addition to his interest in himself, he also has an equally interesting interest in the world. He is in no hurry, and therefore knows everything much deeper than his opponent. It is the process that can enjoy one partner for years and he is not familiar with the word "boredom", it is he who, after sitting for a couple of hours on the couch, can come up with an ingenious business solution and wake up rich the next day. It is he - the "darling of fate" who is lucky, although in fact the secret is simple: he is in no hurry, and therefore manages to highlight the main thing and correctly use his abilities and the possibilities of the world. His philosophy is simple: every moment of life is worth enjoying, because the next one may not be!

The race for the result, which was not properly understood, can be likened to a neurotic reaction: people seem to run away from themselves, hide behind achievements, as if wanting to say “look at me, you cannot have any complaints against me, I have beaten you all, I have everything, respect me! And it sounds like a cry for help. Because behind this is often fear - fear of emptiness inside, fear of underestimating others, and it turns out that such a person is not confident in himself - otherwise he would live the way he wants. And he would not care what others think. But if there is no inner knowledge of oneself, there is no feeling of inner righteousness, then one can shield oneself from the truth only by pursuing results. Where the main thing is not to be alone with yourself.

Anyone who thinks that there is no happiness should think, stop and consider reality.. Or maybe happiness is your family, work and love?