Conflicts are inevitable (not a psychologist's opinion)

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

I would like to live simply in paradise, so that there are people around who understand you perfectly, who, without exception, rejoice at your victories and do not bother with important assignments on the very day when you have a headache or just have a bad mood. Such people would all have absolutely your attitude, your style of communication and sincerely would like to help you achieve your goals.

I'm afraid even a ten-year-old child realizes that this is impossible. That is why conflict issues receive such attention in magazines, books and intimate conversations. How often do we hear snatches of conversations of random fellow travelers on the subway or

As "adult" life shows, conflicts cannot be avoided. And not because those around you from morning to night or from night to morning just think how wonderful it would be to make you disgusting. Diligently digging a hole for another, you yourself get tired. More often, conflicts and misunderstandings grow out of indifference (yes, it doesn't matter how she reacts there to my incorrect remark), out of a bad mood (I feel so bad, and then this one with her nonsense), arise on "narrow" paths when you interfere with someone something in reaching the chosen heights.

Even if we discard the "bazaar" situations when you yourself are "at the limit" and do not mind making noise, breaking the dishes and thus relieving nervous tension, there are inevitable conflicts that play an important role in your life. Do not lose your temper for your own good.

Suppose, at 8.30 in the morning, you are not yet fully awake and head to the "hateful service". The likelihood that you will be sworn in a crowded subway car is very high. You can answer "appropriately" using profanity. You can keep silent and smile. Here you decide for yourself what is closer to you, what is most preferable for you. According to my observations, people with chronically dissatisfied faces are the first to swear and are happy to get involved in verbal skirmishes. For many of them, this is a lifestyle and an opportunity to relieve stress by explaining to others where they belong and where they should go. Such people, in turn, are in constant expectation to receive similar comments from the outside, hence such tense faces, incredulous looks, constant readiness "number one". Do you really care about their opinion about your person, how much moral and physical strength you are ready to invest in such a stupid conflict, how much time will you still experience the consequences of your own aggression? Wouldn't it be better to restrain yourself externally and internally. Your stop, step - and you have forgotten forever, without taking any further "into life" with you, and even more so, negative emotions.

Option two. Protracted conflict. A very disgusting thing. Drama in many parts, with tears and wringing of hands. The parties have known each other for a long time, they are connected by relationships (family, business) and obligations, which at this stage can no longer be painlessly broken. Coexistence amid constant and continuous discontent. And it happens, and it happens very often. Moreover, the transition of business relations to this phase is not always predicted (and who, of their own free will, will transfer them there?). It's just that during the time of cooperation, dissatisfaction with a partner accumulates, and jumping out of the harness means losing a lot. What time will you "get up" 10 (20, 30) minutes of moral satisfaction. If the price is high and you are not ready to pay it - then think! Think how to quarrel "smartly", getting the greatest benefit with the least expenditure of mental strength. Specific scenarios depend on real situations and the characteristics of your nature. For example, I do not accept shouting. I do not consider shouting as an argument and I really do not like it when they shout at me. Nevertheless, it was in such a "protracted" conflict with one lady that I once had to respond to her shouting statements with an overwhelming shout. I must say that the taken aback "Madame" no longer allowed herself to raise her voice at me.

Often, "offensive" politeness has a sobering effect on your opponent. She, firstly, shows your moral superiority (you get turned on and take this incident to heart, but I remain calm and cool, because for me this is nothing more than a solution to a standard situation); secondly, it demonstrates your education / upbringing / correctness / professional suitability; thirdly, it really saves your nerves and "face" to the envy of many.

If conflict is the goal, then swear as you please; if you have other goals, choose the correct ways to achieve them. Almost always, in order to obtain the desired result, a "bad peace" between the interacting parties is many times better than the kindest quarrel!

Vera Giryaeva

28.03.02