Conflicts at work

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

If I knew how many unpleasant moments I would have to go through and how many nerve cells to spend in a quarrel with a work colleague, I would probably try to avoid conflict. There were "setups", and scandals, and convulsive thinking about "what I tell her, and she will answer me", and the involvement of colleagues in our war, and tears, and the desire to quit, and constant stress. Although, on the other hand, why should I be silent, not express my point of view, endure what I do not like? Is it possible to preserve your dignity at all without bringing the dispute to conflict? Or is a conflict something spontaneous, something that cannot be predicted and managed?

The nature of the conflict

Conflict is a clash of opposing positions, opinions, ideas, which people try to resolve with the help of beliefs or actions against the background of the manifestation of emotions. The basis of any conflict, including the one that occurred at work, is the accumulated contradictions, objective and subjective, real and illusory. You are silent, you are silent, you endure, you endure, you accumulate dissatisfaction in yourself, and then - bam! The slightest pretext, an inadvertently spoken word, an unsuccessfully thrown glance, causing a pose, is enough, and now something unpleasant has come out of nothing. It's like striking a match in a gas-filled room - there will be an explosion! In other words, the scheme looks like this: conflict situation + reason = conflict.

How does it all start?

The overwhelming majority of conflicts at work occur due to an unclear distribution of job responsibilities: who is responsible for what, who bears the burden of additional types of work, who replaces an absent colleague. Often a conflict can arise because of "stupidity": who picks up the phone if the phone rings, who should wash the teapot after dinner, who has the right to spend how much time on telephone conversations and the Internet "not on business."

Women's collectives have their own specifics. Ladies are more emotional and often become personalities, slide down to "women squabbles". Like, for example, a certain M. N., who, having exhausted arguments in a business dispute with T. N., began to shout at the whole office: "Who are you anyway ?! Your son is an alcoholic and no one marries your daughter!" " But men sometimes do not behave much better. In one team, where there were three men for ten women, two of them constantly "knocked" on their colleagues, also a man, to their boss. Everyone knows that women use every moment to drop into a store between runs through instances and buy something for dinner. So, all this was not hidden from the eyes of two attentive men, who then casually informed the boss in the smoking room: "You sent Marina to the bank, and she came after him with bags full of food. It would be better to think about work!"

How does it all end?

When the conflict at work reaches a boiling point, you can no longer look your "enemy" directly in the eyes. The conversation is conducted in a raised voice, while for some reason your throat dries up and your voice trembles treacherously. There are more frequent cases of loud slamming of doors and noisy throwing of folders on the table. You are balancing on the verge of two desires: to scratch out his (her) eyes or pretend that he (she) is an empty space.

A complete refusal to communicate, or, conversely, constant skirmishes, cannot but affect labor productivity and the atmosphere in the team. Sometimes a conflict that has gone far can be resolved only by dismissing one of the employees.

How to avoid conflict?

Here are some seemingly very simple but sometimes difficult tips:

1. When applying for a job, immediately clearly stipulate everything that you should and should not do. Print out your job descriptions and hang them over your desk.

2. Do not confuse personal life with work, do not be frank with colleagues. Prefer the discussion of Masha from the advertising department to the discussion of the premiere of a film or play (is it really possible, given our feminine love for gossip and bone washing?)

3. If one of your colleagues thinks that you are in something wrong, listen to his claims, and then calmly voice your point of view. Perhaps you can find a compromise.

4. Do not give a reason for nagging: do not be late for work, perform all tasks clearly and smoothly, be polite.

5. If you feel that someone has a personal dislike for you or is simply jealous, try to remain calm. Answer taunts or stupid jokes ironically, but not spitefully. If you feel that you will boil now and say too much, it is better to keep silent. Save your nerves.

6. Never forget that a bad world is better than a good quarrel!

If the conflict has already occurred

1. In no case do not transfer the conversation from the subject of the conflict to the personal qualities of your opponent. If he does this himself, this is his weakness, his loss.

2. Do not involve colleagues in your conflict.

Of course, you are unlikely to resist telling your colleague-friend Vera about "what a bitch this is …", but at least ask her not to "protect" you during the "fight". And what definitely shouldn't be done is to say in the heat of the confrontation: "And Vera, by the way, also thinks that you are a … (bad) specialist!"

3. Do not withdraw into yourself. Communicate with the "offender" only on the case, keeping a neutral tone.

4. Do not respond to obvious "jokes" with the desire to bite, sting, offend. You will look dignified if you don't "wind up" and start snarling back. You can calmly say: "Okay, okay, I'm bad, but don't worry so much." Although the best thing is to say with a blissful air: "I love you very much too!"

5. If the matter takes a serious turn, do not be afraid to "tell" the boss. After all, he himself is to some extent to blame for creating an explosive atmosphere in the team, accepting conflicting people or "overlooking" an emerging quarrel. Your appeal should not look like a denunciation or kindergarten: "And she is a fool!" Emphasize that you are not indifferent to the success of the company, which, due to internal conflicts and a nervous atmosphere in the team, may, for example, lose potential customers.

The role of the boss

Despite the fact that many bosses do not want to "sink" to some kind of conflicts between subordinates, they simply have to provide an atmosphere in which these conflicts cannot multiply like bacteria. And if there is already a conflict, it is the direct responsibility of the leader to resolve it.

If you yourself are "lucky" to be a boss, under whose wing a scandal broke out between subordinates, reconsider your attitude to the organization of working conditions.

1. Write down the job descriptions for subordinates and familiarize them with the internal rules of the company. Set a specific goal for each and clarify the line of conduct.

2. Do not be too "far and high" from subordinates. Be friendly, evaluate and control the psychological atmosphere in the team.

3. As soon as you notice tension between employees, talk in private, first with one conflicting person, then with the other. Let both express their point of view, let off steam. Then make a decision and tell them clearly and clearly what you want from each of them. Conflicting people must understand: you did not just support one and did not support the other - you did what would be best for the common cause.

4. Monitor the relationship between employees after the "announcement of the verdict."

5. Always correctly and clearly formulate your thoughts and tasks, do not leave reservations, do not dismiss questions. Remember - in the germ of a conflict there is always a misunderstanding or misunderstanding of the parties.

Conflict with the boss

But what if your boss becomes one of the parties to an imminent conflict at work? Do you really have to quit? Of course, if you shout something like: "Well, to hell with you!" and you slam the door, he will simply have to fire you, if only in order not to drop his authority in the eyes of his subordinates. Psychologists advise in no case to make scenes, not to cry and not to prove your case. It is better to listen to the chief's complaints in silence, and then just silently leave the office (although some chiefs may infuriate such behavior even more, but, nevertheless, psychologists advise this).

After some time, about an hour later, having collected all the arguments in your defense, go to the boss's office again. If you are confident that you are right, say: "I would like to explain why I did this and that," if you feel guilty, admit your mistake and say that you will try to prevent this from happening.

As for my conflict with a work colleague, it resolved itself. She proudly left for what she said was a higher-paying position in a firm with a career perspective. So, we can say that everyone was "in chocolate": and she found what she was looking for, and I gradually regained my peace of mind. And why was this office war necessary?

Read other equally interesting articles about building relationships at work on our women's website in the "Career" section!