Features of a woman's career. Are they there?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Is it really much more difficult for a woman to make her career than a man? Given the same level of intelligence, education, experience, is a higher salary and preference given to a man?

Olga Lukina, a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, a leader personal development consultant, a candidate of medical sciences, and president of the British Psychological Center, answers these questions.

The real reason for her hard feelings

More often than not, this is exactly what happens. It is a fact. It is much more difficult for a woman to make her career than a man. At the same level of competence, preference is given to a man.

However, I would like to understand why this is happening, and the main thing is to develop your own healthy attitude towards this.

My client M. is the 40-year-old mother of her one-year-old son and at the same time the deputy head of the HR department in a large company. She often resented and complained to the “big” boss that he did not treat male and female employees equally.

M. joined this company four years ago as a deputy with a clear mindset for career growth. She worked tirelessly and believed that she had put things in order in the department. When her immediate supervisor left for promotion to another company, M. was confident that this position would be offered to her.

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However, the boss thought quite differently, he invited a person from the market for this position. To the surprised question of my client, he firmly stated that he saw a man at the head of the department and explained his position: “The company is growing, and the HR department is very important for us now. In the role of a leader, I would like to see a person who is not burdened and completely devoted to work with feelings and thoughts.”

The boss expressed his gratitude to M. for the work done by her over the past four years, highly appreciating her, but at the same time said that he sees her in the role of a reliable deputy. He also added with paternal confidence that since her son is only one year old, her main strength should be directed to caring for the child. He himself has two children in the family, and the main burden of caring for them lies, of course, on his wife. “This is nature,” he added with a smile.

This conversation took place literally the day before our meeting with M.

M. genuinely felt humiliated and underestimated. She felt she was the target of career discrimination, a helpless victim in a male-run business world.

M. I always suspected that it is much more difficult for a woman to make her career than for a man, and that with the same level of intelligence, education, experience, preference is given to a man.

This thought filled her heart with pain and anger. She was demotivated and didn't know what to do. It seemed beneath her dignity to agree with the proposal.

My client angrily branded her boss for misogyny and injustice.

M. did not realize that the real reason for her difficult experiences lay not in the position of her boss, but in her attitude towards herself, in a stereotype that was deeply rooted in her mind.

The essence of this stereotype lies in the superficial, primitive interpretation of one of the basic civilizational values - the concept of equality of men and women.

Their equal value does not at all negate deep gender differences, different life purpose.

Motherhood - in an uncertain future?

When a small child appears in a family, it makes serious changes in the life of both parents. But at an early age, in order to develop harmoniously and be protected, loved, the baby needs constant contact with the mother. Whereas the function of the father is more biased towards maintaining the external conditions for the existence of the family.

These roles are determined by nature itself and impose different obligations on men and women.

For a woman, motherhood means the need to temporarily take away a significant part of her energy from her professional activities and redirect it to caring for a child.

For a man, for example, having a child increases his motivation to achieve greater opportunities for his family, which can lead to a leap in his career. For a woman, motherhood means the need to temporarily take away a significant part of her energy from her professional activities and redirect it to caring for a child. Naturally, during this period of their lives, women are not very convenient and profitable for employers.

And here another stereotype begins to work, which lives in the minds of many people. They truly believe that their human worth is measured by their career accomplishments. In this paradigm, a stop in career growth, not an appointment to a new position, is perceived by a person as extremely painful. Sometimes it even goes to extreme forms, such as depression and suicide. This belief can greatly distort the lives of both men and women.

Moreover, for women, it is the most malignant, since it leads away from her purpose, makes her compete and fight with men instead of accepting tenderness and care from them.

Depression instead of triumph?

Often, women, fearing to "lag behind" in career growth, postpone the creation of a family and motherhood into an uncertain future. At the same time, many of them risk missing their physiological "point of no return".

By the age of forty-four, S. had made an unconditionally brilliant career in the consulting business. A key position in an international company, being in demand, respect, money, unprecedented privileges … The man was clearly at the top of his career success. However, instead of the feeling of happiness, satisfaction, which she expected to experience during her triumph, S. unexpectedly found herself in depression.

WITH.felt emptiness inside. New projects have ceased to inspire. Always confident, decisive, S. suddenly began to feel some vague self-doubt and even occasionally experience panic. It became difficult to communicate with colleagues and clients. It seemed to her that they perceive her as somehow inadequate.

My assumptions about possible recent serious mistakes at work or unsuccessful projects that could shake a professional's self-confidence have not been confirmed.

The second hypothesis that perhaps S. by this age expected to achieve even greater results was also not confirmed.

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S. explained to me that there are always options for further development.

The last reason remained - probably the deep disappointment and dissatisfaction with herself that S. felt was not caused by work.

Another important part of her existence turned out to be problematic. The fiasco she experienced in her personal life devalued and nullified career achievements in her own eyes.

At 44, S. suddenly found herself completely alone. No family, no beloved man, no children. All she had was work 18 hours a day, almost seven days a week, old parents who took care of her life, and rare meetings with friends, for whom there was almost always no time. The main memories were about the times of the university, about the Harvard business school, about some professional conferences and bright projects. Among them, a few faint memories of failed romances are lost.

Of course, S. in her dreams saw a family, children, a beautiful cozy home. She wanted to feel a strong loving man next to her. But, unfortunately, all this was only her fantasy, which she did not transfer to the category of plans. Therefore, this fantasy did not have the slightest chance of being realized.

S. was a person who was used to achieving and winning in everything. And she knew as well as I did that only those dreams in which we invest a lot of our life energy come true. S., on the other hand, put all her energy into her career.

And she really had almost no time ahead to put things in order in her personal life. Despite all the objective signs of career success, her sense of her own worth as a woman was crumbling inside. The experience was so overwhelming and powerful that all her career achievements began to seem paltry.

In order to get a chance to get out of this crisis, she had to change a lot in her life. And she needed to start doing this without delay.

Different priorities in time

What is the difference between a woman's career and a man's career?

In different periods of life, we set priorities in different ways, invest time and energy in different ways. When there are small children in our arms, we give them the maximum of our feelings, strength, passion. But in the future, we will be generously rewarded by seeing a growing, confident, emotionally successful person next to us.

Having raised prosperous children and building a strong family, we get a reliable platform on which we can develop professionally.

Having raised prosperous children and building a strong family, we get a reliable platform on which we can develop professionally. In this case, the family will be an excellent support and stimulus for creativity. We feel that we are living correctly, we feel the meaning in life. Professional women who have grown up with children are often more valued in the market than men of the same age. At a time when a woman directs her energy to motherhood, her position in the labor market is weakening. This is an obvious fact. And the employer's position is understandable. It is important for him to rely on key employees who are able to give themselves to their work. This is the efficiency of the business. And is there any point in taking offense at this?

But - measuring your own human value by being in demand in the labor market is dangerous and hopeless. This leads to resentment, to hatred, a thirst for revenge, to a struggle with a reality that no one has yet been able to defeat.

The task of a woman is not to make the best career in the industry, but to develop so that her career does not interfere with her harmonious realization in other parts of her life. Make your own life better.

In this case, the career becomes a source of joy, confidence, stability.

Recommendations

Recommendations for women building a career:

1. Whatever you do - always remain a woman, do not turn into a professional "unisex".
2. Accept for a fact that in the labor market, for most jobs, a male candidate is preferred by an employer to a woman of childbearing age.
3. Choose options for your professional self-realization that maximize your femininity. Instead of fiercely competing with men without market advantages.
4. Do not be afraid to stop in your career for a while to enjoy motherhood, family. For feminine nature, career achievements as such mean nothing.
5. Separate, once and for all, your sense of your own worth and your value in the market as a professional.
6. No matter how successfully your career develops, stop every three years, find a time and place and conduct an audit: are you missing something important in your personal life in the pursuit of another achievement?
7. Harmoniously channel your energy towards the development of your career and the creation and support of families and children. Do not sacrifice either one or the other. The solution is to find and maintain a dynamic balance.