9 new relationship killers: which ones are haunting you

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Breaking up is always painful. In a combustible cocktail of feelings, resentment and fear of loneliness usually prevail - therefore 70% of women strive to have a new romance as soon as possible. This is the main mistake. Julia Lanske, # 1 love coach in the world, according to the international iDate Awards 2019, tells about her and about eight typical female mistakes that lead to the collapse of a new relationship.

Mistake # 1. Fast start

In 80% of "emergency" novels, the new man turns out to be an exact copy of the former. You are specifically looking for this, because on a subconscious level for you this is not a new relationship, but an attempt to prolong or replay old ones. But, since the actors are the same (ok, instead of one of the actors there is now an understudy) and the scenario is the same, then, naturally, the ending will repeat itself exactly: you will part.

Mistake # 2. Anchoring to the past

It's not even that you still love your ex, and that prevents you from accepting your current partner. The fact is that the delusions of the past remained with you. Without understanding the reasons for failure, you repeat the losing behaviors over and over again. Before working on a relationship, it is good to work on yourself. This takes a lot of time. With the support of a psychologist, it usually turns out faster

Mistake number 3. Revenge

Quite often girls start romances or even marry not for great love and not even for calculation, but solely in order to prove their relevance to their ex: “Look, everyone wants me! And you missed your happiness”. Do you understand? You communicate with a new man not for mutual joy, but out of spite. You are not immersed in actual relationships, but in your own negative emotions and old conflicts. De facto, in a new relationship you simply do not exist - naturally, they disintegrate.

Mistake # 4. Leadership position

A common mistake of modern women: they show initiative in everything and do not expect mercy from a man. You came to get acquainted. You called first. You've made a date. You decide where to go and what to do … Do you think you have demonstrated your independence and independence? Alas, almost always a man perceives this behavior as an obsession.

Nowadays, many young people are satisfied with the position of a follower - and this is even considered the norm. But you need a successful man, right? Responsible and able to make decisions? Then leave the initiative to him.

Mistake # 5. Male correction

“I blinded him from what was. And then I fell in love with what happened”. A very common pattern in our society! Women take the first male they come across and try to reshape him to fit their own ideas of beauty. Let him quit smoking, let him stop being late, let him shave (or, conversely, let go) his beard … This is a violation of boundaries. Naturally, the man tries to escape.

Mistake # 6. Premature love

The opposite situation: you are lucky to meet the perfect man. You are satisfied with absolutely everything in it … This is a problem. You are already drowning in love, and he has not yet fallen in love. A man should lead in the manifestation of feelings (as in everything else). A woman only responds with love to love. Keep your heart shut until it becomes abundantly clear that the man is crazy about you.

Mistake # 7. High expectations

At the beginning of a relationship, it is better to have no expectations at all: now they are all either baseless or overestimated. This means that they inevitably lead to disappointment. You don't know anything about the person yet. You can expect and demand something from loved ones: then the requests are not based on fantasies, but on the experience of your current relationship - and they have a much better chance of being realized.

Mistake number 8. "Adoption" to a man

Very often girls transfer the "child-parent" model to partnerships. This is especially evident in relationships with strong and successful men: you want to fall under the protection, to receive care and attention, giving almost nothing in return. A man turns into a "daddy" who is obliged to take care of a capricious little helpless daughter. He constantly owes you something. Instead of being romantically involved, he gets an extra burden. Why would he?

Mistake number 9. Discussing your relationship with someone else

Happiness loves silence. Do not discuss a man with friends, colleagues, parents - with anyone other than a psychologist. It is clear that you want to share your happiness and throw out your emotions. But in return, you will receive advice and assessments from people who are not like you, do not know your man and, perhaps, themselves are not particularly happy in their personal lives. You may not directly follow the advice and even disagree with them, but all these extraneous layers then pop up in your relationship, confusing both you and your partner. So, if you really need to discuss a new lover, then only with an expert! He will not protect you, not the man, but your relationship.

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