10 criteria your relationship has no future

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

You meet him - in a restaurant, on the way to work, on the subway, or in line for a loaf at the nearest bakery. Or maybe on a plane or on the beach. You look, breathe out, smile mysteriously like Mona Lisa and think “this is it”. And then, as if in a fairy tale - everything is so wonderful that it takes your breath away, and you seem to be flying over the earth. Inside, however, some harmful worm sits and sharpens you with its “something is wrong here”, but it's so cozy and comfortable in pink glasses!

And then something happens - insignificant, in principle - then more and more. And so you lower your rose-colored glasses, look at your prince over the glass and think - does your relationship have a future?

In this article, Julia Lanske, psychologist, international expert and # 1 love coach in the world according to the iDate Awards 2019 (USA), will share 10 criteria that, like a litmus, will show that your relationship has no prospects for "happily ever after."

Criterion 1. He is married

We, women, are very emotional and sensual creatures, and if we consider that the proper majority of us believed in fairy tales, then the craving for “storytellers” remained. How does it usually work?

“I love you, and my wife and I are just formally for the sake of children / apartment / mom / cat. I will leave her when the children grow up / mom will allow / the cat will give birth”

And we believe! More precisely, we want to believe it, because this is a fairy tale, this is love, these are such emotions … But in the end, did the man leave for you, if you had such an experience?

At one of my trainings, I compiled statistics - only 2 men out of 50 are ready to leave their wife and go to their mistress. The statistics are extremely low to give hope and prospects, and therefore if your chosen one is married, you should not count on a long-term relationship.

Criterion 2. He is the cause of the holiday romance

And here I also want to point out the statistics that I collected for my other training - only 20% of men are ready to continue their holiday romance after returning home. Yes, the numbers are more encouraging, but it is important for you to understand a few rules:

1. Even at the resort, you need to get to know the person as he really is, and not on vacation;
2. You should not only know, but also share his plans for life, worldview and attitude.
3. Your relationship after traveling to different cities should develop with positive dynamics - you often communicate, meet, exchange photos and videos;

However, if you cannot say a confident “Yes” to point 1, then just exhale and accept that at the resort a woman falls in love with a fantasy image of a relaxed handsome man, and not with a real person.

If this happened to you, if you understand that you do not know your Vanechka, Massimo or Alex as a person, then just smile and be just grateful that such a pleasant acquaintance happened to you. And that's it, put an end to it.

Criterion 3. He is from the Internet

So many women get so stuck in the virtual world that when communicating on any sites with a pleasant man, as in a joke, they choose names for their children and try on a veil. Yes, I'm exaggerating a little, but it happens, you must agree.

Examples of virtual love are now not uncommon, but their biggest disadvantage is precisely in virtuality, unreality, images that everyone creates in their heads and which, often, do not correspond to reality. The girl can sacredly believe that the distant prince on the other side of the monitor is sincerely in love with her, and the “prince”, in turn, can simply satisfy some of her needs, including those of a sexual nature.

But is it all so hopeless? No, if within 3-4 months this virtual novel comes out into reality. Otherwise, the prospect of such a novel tends to zero.

Criterion 4. He is an alcoholic and / or drug addict

As a rule, the rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves, but in the countries of the former USSR there has historically been a desire to justify and save a man. If a man uses alcohol or drugs, then the woman sincerely believes that she can change, help, fix and remake him. However, it turns out extremely rarely, and everything ends very dramatically.

Don't waste your time! Look for a better quality partner who, like you, is ready for a serious relationship, ready to take responsibility and grow as a person with you.

Criterion 5. He - chokes you with his love

Pathological dependence is the dependence of one partner on another, the so-called codependent relationship. As a rule, in such a relationship, one partner loves the other very much, and the second can no longer without such a strong manifestation of feelings and emotions in his direction.

And it is worth noting that such a relationship is like a backpack with stones behind your back - at first you do not feel it, then it weighs you down, then you get used to it. Is there happiness here? Someone succeeds, but such a strong love of one person for another has serious consequences for both - one is almost suffocated by feelings and gets tired of them, the other suffers from unrequited love, and as a result, the relationship ends sooner or later.

Criterion 6. He hits

Is it worth explaining here that the old saying “beats, it means he loves” is fundamentally wrong? And if a man already allows himself to dissolve his hands in your direction, then grab your shoes, lipstick and a hairdryer, get into a taxi and do not approach this man anymore.

Not so long ago, the whole Russian-speaking world was alarmed by the news of a girl with severed brushes, however, do not understand me correctly, this girl definitely received beacons from her man even before the sad event. Therefore, if you see that your man can swing at you (although he will not hit), throw a stool next to you (but not at you), then make a quick decision and leave him.

Remember that if you swing or hit once, then most likely it will happen again. Are you ready to check?

Criterion 7. He is not your sexual dream

Here the question is precisely in sexual incompatibility, that is, you try, look for points of contact, but you just can't come to the conclusion that the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe.

• Different sexy temperaments
• Different fantasies and desires
• Different views on the meaning of the process
• Different physiological possibilities

Yes, everyone that can raise their head in your bedroom, you can add to this list. One of my clients even had an allergy to her man - she could not get pregnant from him in any way, although she had strong love, sex was at a level and both were healthy.

Therefore, if the bed games in this man do not satisfy or satisfy you, but you cannot conceive in any way (first exclude the factor of infertility), then think about it - is it worth continuing the relationship? With all the input data, will you be able to start a family and be really happy together?

Criterion 8. He - with polar interests and goals

You know, when passion subsides and love-carrot affairs come to naught, the points of contact in goals and interests, like a foundation, hold your relationship and allow it to develop. And if you are interested in different things, strive for different goals and exist as if in parallel planes, that is, there are only 2 outputs:

1. Search for points of contact
2. Terminate the relationship

Why is everything so critical? Because sooner or later your relationship will come to the point of stagnation, and from there it will begin to regress, which can lead to betrayal, conflicts, and disappointment in your partner. Needless to say, the longer a relationship lasts, the more we become attached to each other and the more difficult it is to get out of this relationship?

Therefore, I urge you to decide on your interests and goals while still on the shore, and then make a decision whether to try to build a relationship with this particular man or not.

Criterion 9. He - devalues the relationship

You should always understand where you are on your man's list of priorities. If on the first - a man is motivated for relationships, he is tuned in to development and dynamics. If first work, then sports, then parents and a dog, and then only you and your relationship, then at this moment in time you are not a priority, and therefore, most likely, nothing serious will work out here.

This is neither bad nor good, you just need to understand, accept and draw a conclusion - are you satisfied with this alignment? If yes, everything is fine, but if not, then I advise you to abandon the obviously unpromising pastime.

Criterion 10. He is much older and with a different social status

Psychologists believe that the age difference of more than 20 years is already a serious risk zone. But the difference in status is a very controversial point. In my practice, many pairs were created between people of different social status, but they always had points of contact - wisdom, life values, priorities, the ability to build quality relationships and the desire to do this.

If you understand that the age difference bothers you, that the relationship, while developing, goes “somewhere wrong”, that you do not understand each other, then … Then you yourself know that these relations will not have a future.

And finally, I want to note that women's intuition is a great thing, and if you cross it with the criteria that I told you, you get a weapon of mass destruction. Yes, often we women are so fascinated by our relationships that we do not notice the “beacons” around, we firmly believe in our man, and when the question “What's next” arises, for some reason we freeze for a moment like a 95th year computer, when trying to load modern software.

Listen to yourself, learn to trust yourself, and also competently approach your future life with this or that man. If something does not work out, then look at my pages on social networks, watch videos, read articles, master techniques and practices, ask questions and get answers to them.

And also fall in love with yourself, fall in love with yourself and fall in love with Julia Lanske.

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