Family affairs through the eyes of journalists and a psychologist

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

It all started with the fact that I told her the topic of my thesis. My interlocutor was a rather smart and very advanced journalist from the city of Ivanovo - she was on guard. Gradually, the following text began to emerge from her eyes:"

However, dear readers (and readers), I apologize for such a tedious introduction. But this is where the dialogue on women's rights and responsibilities began, which you will read (if you want, of course) below. In a different setting, at a different time, perhaps we would have talked about something different and from different positions. But at that moment in the cozy (wooden tables, bare walls and low ceilings) Moscow club "Project OGI" your humble servant - Alexander Samyshkin spoke about the rights of women, but the pretty Ivanovo journalist Anna Semenova, in response to this, surprised with remarks "which a decent girl is not supposed to speak, especially out loud." The conversation from the point of view of the approach to the problem turned out to be amusing (thanks to Anya). There was no dictaphone at hand, so I cannot vouch for the accuracy of individual phrases, but I tried to preserve the meaning of these.

Al.: The woman as a fact has arisen with us relatively recently. Her life-long destiny was always to bear the heaviest burden (because society stood on it) - the burden of the family. And I must say, in Russia she still carries it. The living space of a separate house in our country is not divided into all family members. It is donated to a woman: "You are a woman, which means mine, wash, clean!"

Anya: The stupid lady will dutifully carry out all this. In general, a lot depends on the number of claims against your wife or cohabitant, call it what you want. And yet - the manner in which these claims are expressed. If a man says to his wife: "Mine, wash, clean!" is disrespectful. In all other cases, it is a pleasure for us to cook food, to create coziness in the house and to create comfort. Do you feel the difference? Personally, I love to cook, although very often not before.

Al.: Exactly - not up to that. Let's take a specific example. In my family, both parents work - both my mother and my father. True, the father, coming home after work, collapses on the sofa and gets acquainted with the delights of domestic television. And my mother, as far as I can remember, trudges from work, loaded, like a Central Asian mule, with bags, and when she reaches the house, she starts dancing at the stove. The struggle for discipline and school performance has always been on my mother's shoulders. Plus the showdown with the police - I was a difficult teenager. The father took part in the upbringing when it was necessary to give a slap on the head.

I do not wish my wife a similar fate and will make every effort so that she does not experience this.

Anya: Alas, this was the norm. The spirit of the Soviet family is a great reverence for a man at the expense of his own life and energy. And this is easily explained - we survived the war and there was an acute shortage of the male population. And our parents grew up in the very families where men were, to put it mildly, not purebred. As a result, matrimonial role models were perfectly copied and transferred to their families. Now the situation is changing.

Al.: Perhaps. But a woman in Russia is as powerless as she was many years ago. The trouble is that her lack of rights cannot but be reflected in the institution of motherhood. The raped girl does not report the rapist because she does not know her rights and is afraid of shame and condemnation. And often her mother drags her by the hand to the police. In the still soviet organs, she receives another portion of moral humiliation, because the cop works with her in the same way as with a repeat offender. Doesn't know how to do it differently. The psychological trauma goes deeper and becomes stronger, and, without undergoing rehabilitation, this girl will never grow into a morally and physically healthy mother. She, too, will no longer be a full-fledged woman. Sex is like a duty for the rest of your life. You can blame men, but the real fault is the society in which the child grows up.

Anya: It has long been said that the majority of victims of violence often themselves provoked the creation of a critical situation. And if you do not idealize her and do not regard the girl as a poor and unhappy creature, you can see that the ideal for her was an adult seducer-intellectual. These are statistics - every second urban girl dreams of such a man. In his childish stupidity. She has a poor idea of the consequences, in her head such a man is a bearer of pure and high feeling, a giver of jewelry and flowers, but in no way the owner of natural sex drives. And for every Lolita there is a Humbert. Rape in this case is the result of the desire to assert itself. "I wanted everything like the big ones!"

Al.: So you think the woman herself is to blame for all her problems?

Anya: Only in the part where she doesn't want to think.

Al.: You see, the mind is a selective phenomenon. One has, the second does not - God deprived it. But this does not mean that only those who know how to think can exercise their rights. Rights should be for everyone.

Anya: This is already a utopia.

Al.: … But what about women's solidarity?

Anya: Just a myth! The same as about male solidarity.

Such are our revelations. And yet, I would like to hear the opinion of a professional, because in a conversation, or rather a dispute, only common problems are noted. We asked the analytical psychologist Marina Selezneva to comment on them: “The truth is in the words of both Alexander and Anna. Of course, you should not go to extremes when talking about women's rights. Men are also offended by history. for household chores up to 30 hours a week, while a man barely 10 I support you, I am impressed, and your job is easier. This is true, but, alas, from the family budget more money is spent on a man than on a woman. Make a comparative analysis in your family and you will understand this. Purely female toys - a sewing and knitting machine, a food processor and so on - cheaper than men's fun in the form of a tape recorder, TV, video camera. I'm not talking about a car. And with clothes, the difference is also noticeable. Although ladies often take the number of items of clothing NS.

As for the topic of teenage rape, it is very delicate. It should be borne in mind that a girl has a completely different nature of sexuality than a boy. During puberty - the period of the formation of sexuality - the girl does not need sexual realization. She is physiologically unprepared for orgasm. However, very often her needs for affection, care, attention are mistaken for a desire for bodily intimacy.

A boy needs sex, a girl needs verbal affection, erotic but not sexual experiences. The girl realizes her needs for love, "goes to the word", and the boy to the "call of the flesh." And that is why the girl willingly obeys a more adult person who already has the skills of certain manipulations. Of course, this looks like an unconscious provocation. That is why it is very important to work with a child from 11-12 years old to 17-18 years old. To explain something to him, parents are not afraid to discuss "forbidden topics" and often turn to psychologists, so to speak, for prevention."