Quarrels through the eyes of a man

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Jean-Baptiste Moliere, unlike me, loved and knew how to quarrel. Fortunately, quarreling - this is the kind of thing that you can learn all your life. It is foolish to think that the strongest couples are those who never quarrel.

Personally, such alliances are always suspicious to me. Like men who don't drink at corporate parties and women who follow Jenna Jameson's film career. You can and should quarrel. Fighting is the best thing people have invented after the Internet, condoms, whiskey, and the Champions League.

A high-quality quarrel allows you to reset the relationship, start it over from the beginning, better understand your partner, let off steam, and often just understand what they want from you. Or vice versa - they don't want to. Therefore, quarrel for health.

But this sport, like any other, has its own rules. At the beginning of any relationship, quarrels are as commonplace as brushing your teeth. At this time, we are talking about the usual grinding, building a system of mutual understanding. The nature of conflicts becomes much more interesting when relations have more or less stabilized. What is possible in quarrels - you know better. Let's talk about what not to do.

1. Tears

Sergei Dovlatov called women's tears a terrible weapon that must be banned. He was right. Listen. If you want the quarrel to be productive, so that in the end you understand each other and that everything ends with a sleepless night that you want to repeat, you do not need to use this weapon. First, it's not fair. Secondly, it really works. Tears make us feel guilty, confused, and hiding. If you have already decided to cry, let us know what this action will be dedicated to. That remorse were at least substantive. And, by the way, men develop immunity to such an argument. So over time, your mascara will be used less and less efficiently.

2. "You are to blame for everything!"

Remember, both partners are to blame for any quarrel. Is always. Wherever it all starts. Therefore, before blaming your man for all the mortal sins, count to 10. And better to a hundred.

In general, the transition during a quarrel on the person is always bad. Do not forget that you are quarreling with your loved one, and the purpose of what is happening is the subsequent reconciliation after all this.

And if you already reproach for something, try to argue. Moreover, at least some of the arguments must be rational.

My wife humiliates me even with a child: We have been together for three years, married for a year and a half, we have a child. The fact is that my wife does not work, sits at home with the child and is constantly dissatisfied with something; frequent scandals and reproaches against me come from her. Then we can not talk for several days. I am a balanced person, I try to compromise … Read more

3. Insults

I understand that sometimes you want to say nasty things to a person. But when you start to act, remember that there is a high likelihood of getting an answer based on the principle "she is." In addition, what you said, even in the heat and with subsequent apologies, very much settles in your memory, which can subsequently greatly affect the relationship. Therefore, avoid tantrums and overly emotional feeds.

4. It's all over between us

The stupidest thing that a quarrel can end up with is parting. Never part with your man as a result of an argument. There are good partings, and this is not uncommon. It happens that people just don't fit together. However, if this is not so and you understand that you need each other, do not say things, the consequences of which may become irreversible.

Parting with a partner is only necessary with a cool head, soberly weighing all the pros and cons.

5. Magic words prohibited for use

“You should”, “if you don’t…, then”, “this is clear to everyone except you”, “in short, it will be like this…”, “it is quite obvious that this is nonsense…”, “pack your things…”… I think the principle understandable, and you can easily add to this list on your own.

Now let's talk about what is possible and necessary. The creator of the program “What? Where? When?" Vladimir Yakovlevich Voroshilov said that conflicts are a great thing. But you need to go to conflicts only when you know exactly what you want to get as a result. If a fight has begun, it has a reason. Your goal is to multiply it by zero. Go to this goal. And don't mix anything extra in here. Do not remember the old grievances and "shoals" of your second half - you risk not only not dealing with the fresh reason, but also getting bogged down in the forgotten ones.

Try to use the word "you" less often in a quarrel. This word will capture a cloud of reproaches and unnecessary claims.

Talk about yourself. About your feelings, needs, experiences. Ask to accept your point of view. Listen carefully to your partner and do not interrupt him in the middle of the phrase.

Do not think that concessions are a sign of weakness. Against. In quarrels, the stronger is the one who is able to step on his throat for the sake of a loved one and the future of your relationship.

The most effective way I know to end a fight is this. You close your eyes and repeat to yourself several times: "You are very dear to me, everything will be fine with us." And then you can open your eyes and repeat the same thing out loud.

Well, if all of the above doesn't work, there is a last resort. Effective but sometimes disposable. This is how it looks:

No quarrels! 10 tips to avoid them: Maintaining peace in a relationship will always be beneficial, because you can solve problems without quarrels and scandals. This is easier than you think, especially if you are ready to work on a relationship. Read more…