My little invisible friend

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Once your child has a new friend … The kid excitedly talks about the mysterious talking Rabbit or Bear, who lives alone in the forest and comes to visit him … The child consults with him, trusts him his secrets and prefers the company of an invisible comrade to all other friends ? It seems that the time has come for you to get to know

Do you remember Carlson, the man in his prime, who lived on the roof? And the kangaroo Pafnutia, a friend of the little girl from the movie "Chocolate"? Both were invisible to everyone and seemed to be harmless, as befits good friends. Unless, of course, we forget that Carlson pulled the Kid onto the roof of the skyscraper. And now such a "character" lives in your apartment and communicates with your own child. What to do? And whether to do it at all? First of all, do not dismiss, they say, some kind of nonsense, do not scold the child and pester with the legends about "he does not exist" … Calm, only calm! It is necessary to understand the reasons.

Psychologists say that invisible friends are made with a child for two reasons: either from a lack of parental love, or from its overabundance. The disadvantage is clear. Adults need to do so many things: to dress, to feed, to put the house in order, and the work is not done by itself … This does not mean that you do not love your child, God forbid. It's just that you and him understand differently how this love should be expressed. Your love creates and creates, because you are planning all this fuss about "dressing, feeding, putting your house in order …" And the kid assesses parental love very specifically: in the form of a certain amount of verbal and tactile information. Verbally - this means in words: they listen to me and hear me, they talk to me, they tell me how much they love and how much they need me, is important. Do you remember how in the same story about Carlson the Kid, having learned that his parents would not have parted with him even for a lot of money, was sincerely surprised: "Am I really worth so much ?!" It is clear to us, adults, that we love our children, and they may not even guess about it. In addition to words, children need tactile contact - love, "expressed" in touching, stroking. This is not only "hugs and kisses", but also massage and "tickling", and even a playful fight.

However, it also happens the other way around, that there is so much love (read care, care, attention) that it is like a stranglehold on the neck. Babies, like adults, need their own personal space. And parental "occupation" can force a child to seek solitude in a fictional world, where he has the opportunity to choose his friends at his own discretion, and not among relatives and those with whom he was allowed to communicate with mom and dad. It is enough to "loosen the grip" a little, to admit that your precious offspring is also a person, a personality and he needs a "field for maneuvers", and the ghostly friend will disappear from the child's environment. Still, after all, the baby will have his own, real, blood and flesh friends.

But not a single psychology …

The reason for the unexpected appearance of an invisible friend can be outrageously banal: the child is simply bored! He lacks bright events, communication, he has a carriage and a small cart of free time, and the options for how to fill it are boring and uninteresting. Such a "attack" lies in wait for domestic, non-kindergarten children left in the care of their beloved grandmothers.

Of course, grandmothers are also different, and some, in terms of the pace of life, can plug a dozen young people into their belts. But, you must admit that this is the exception rather than the rule. Most often, the grandmother sits with the baby with pleasure, reads, draws, tells fairy tales, but she is unlikely to jump on sofas and stand on her head. Try to fill your child's time with useful and enjoyable activities. Sports sections, more communication with similar "energizers", and for adults - a strict ban on phrases like "sit quietly". And still do not interfere with drawing, singing, dancing, English (or anything, if only it was fun and interesting!) And walks "meaningful" - to the park, museum, zoo.

In general, in order to understand the situation with the "invisible", first of all it is necessary to listen to the child himself. Do not deny the existence of invisibility, on the contrary, behave as if it is a self-evident fact. And, of course, in no case should you make fun of him, then the baby will simply close, stop trusting you and transfer his relationship with a friend to the "underground". Ask the child to tell about the friend: who he is, what his character is, how they met, what they do together, when exactly he comes. Let the kid draw his friend. Take an interest in the mood and well-being of the invisible person, say hello to him, as if it were a very real Vitka from a nearby entrance or Mashenka from a kindergarten group. And be sure to draw conclusions on HOW and WHAT the child talks about his own Carlson. "We have so much fun together, we draw, we play … But yesterday we built a big new city of cubes" - everything is clear, the kid just needs a real friend. "It comes after you put me to bed and turn off the light" - perhaps the child is afraid of the dark or is not satisfied with the family's bedtime ritual. Or maybe you recently "moved" him to a separate room? Put a small night light in the child's bedroom, spend time with him before bed: read, talk, and it is better to leave the room after the baby falls asleep … The son of one of my acquaintances had an invisible friend after the arrival of the youngest in the family. So, with the help of "invisibility", the elder let his parents know that he lacked attention, which, for obvious reasons, was almost completely focused on the newborn.

Sometimes invisible friends are a reaction to parenting errors. For example, do you strive for order in everything, and it will sooner snow in June than you allow the child to behave "at random"? Things should be in place! Toys in a drawer, books on a shelf, lunch at two, a walk strictly 40 minutes, "when I eat, I am deaf and dumb" … And now you enter the room, and there is a terrible mess. Who did it? Little drum! The invisible friend becomes the antipode of your child: the kid is obedient, and the "invisible" is a moron and a robber, the kid is shy, and his friend is quite the opposite. Here I just want to tell the parent Karlson's phrase: "Don't press on your neck!" Down with distortions! If they are, then by the behavior of the child's "secret friend" you can always understand where the adults have gone too far. And fix everything. Remember that the kid is trying to compensate at the expense of a friend for what he lacks in real life, to try on the "opposite" role.

In any case, if "once your child has a new friend" - believe that he exists, because he is your baby, and even more real than the one you used to love, feed, dress and kiss before bed. After all, "invisible" is a mirror reflecting what is happening inside your little fidget. Make friends with him!