Big difference in age

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

In the small English town of Whitefield, the wedding of Ellen Shannon and Pete Wellens took place. There was everything - a white dress with a veil, and a black tailcoat, and a multi-storey wedding cake, and a banquet with a disco, and relatives, secretly wiping away a tear of affection … In a word, nothing unusual. Except for one circumstance, there is a big age difference. The 54-year-old bride was 27 years older than her chosen one, and the youngest of her three sons was four years older than her stepfather. A few months earlier, the vicar of the United Reform Church refused to marry the couple, citing the fact that this union could not last long. However, the lovers, by the way, who had lived together for seven years by that time, showed perseverance and perseverance, seeking permission to marry. Permission was granted and the happy couple celebrated their wedding with family and friends.

Couples with large age differences are not uncommon. However, if the difference is in favor of a man, then society is condescending to such couples - they say, what can you do, as you know, gray hair in a beard … But when the difference is in favor of a woman, then society is inexorable. Everyone is rebelling, from close relatives on both sides to casual acquaintances. The woman is endowed with all sorts of epithets, and the man is pitied and in every possible way they try to dissuade and "open his eyes." I even know one mother who did not spare three thousand dollars for a witch in order to spoil her daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law was guilty only by the fact that she was twelve years older than her husband.

Why do people around meet a marriage where a woman is older than a man, as they say, "with hostility"? There are several reasons for this.

1. A woman is primarily viewed as a future mother capable of producing healthy offspring

If a woman is twenty-seven years older than her twenty-seven-year-old chosen one, then one can hardly talk about offspring in general, at least in this union. Often such spouses remain childless. A healthy society cannot welcome that which leads to its degeneration. However, when spouses who are close in age do not deliberately acquire offspring, childlessness does not meet with the same condemnation as couples with a difference in age.

2. A woman is a living organism, and she is subject to all natural processes, including the aging process

If up to a certain age this process can be completely invisible, then later its signs are more and more obvious. A man, much younger than his wife, has not yet entered this time, and the stronger sex is aging later than women. The spouse is no longer sexually attracted to her husband, and the union itself falls apart. Such marriages are short-lived, the society says, and we are interested in a strong family as a guarantee of stability. But let's remember how many pairs of peers split up? According to statistics - every third. And some fifty-year-old ladies will give odds to twenty-year-olds in appearance and ability to be women.

3. Such a marriage is deliberately concluded by calculation

A young man is looking for an elderly, financially secure, but deprived of male care woman, charms her and grabs her funds. This happens all the time. But even among peers, marriage for selfish purposes is a very common phenomenon. Let us recall, for example, Christina Onassis, who, with enviable consistency, married gigolos who used her and did not even hide it. But they were all in the same age group with her! And who said that a marriage of convenience is doomed to failure? As one saying goes, the main thing is that the calculation is correct.

4. The union of two people of different ages challenges society

Everything needs to be done as it should be. Point. Violation of the foundations is what society cannot forgive. And he fights against this in every possible way. And, as it seems to me, this is the most compelling reason for condemning something, no matter what.

History knows many examples when marriages with a large age difference were in favor of a woman and turned out to be successful and fruitful. Salvador Dali, a genius Spanish artist, met Elena Dyakonova when she was 37 and he was 26 years old. Gala (with the accent on the last syllable), as she called herself, was then married to the French artist Paul Eluard. Dali was a "weirdo" - in particular, he was afraid to cross the streets, was afraid of women and therefore remained a virgin. Then he was just beginning his career, he was poor and unknown. Gala guessed an extraordinary personality in him. Leaving her husband, she devoted her life to the artist, enduring hardship, poverty, humiliation, pushing and inspiring him. She was his manager, his agent, his promoter. She was his muse. Her image is present in each of his paintings. Thanks to her, he became the Great Dali. After the death of Gal, he lost all interest in life. Neurasthenia returned to him, and he did not create anything.

The second example is Benjamin Disraeli, a brilliant English politician and orator, a ladies' man who became famous in the world for his love affairs. When he was 35, he married the widow of his Tory associate, Mary Ann Wyndham-Lewis, who was 12 years his senior. Disraeli, for all his brilliance and vision for the future, had 40 thousand pounds of debt, and Mary Ann was very, very rich. Disraeli did not believe in love. Moreover, he did not believe in marriage! "Every woman must get married, but every man must remain single," he said. Mary Ann was the complete opposite of Disraeli. She was an extravagant and uneducated lady, romantic and completely indifferent to politics. Queen Victoria once said about Mary Ann: "Her manner of dress can still be tolerated, after all, it is her own affair. But what absolutely cannot be tolerated is her manner of speaking …"

Mary Ann Wyndham Lewis was much older than Disraeli. She was in poor health. They were completely different people. Disraeli married of convenience, and his wife knew about it. The Disraeli couple had no children. But nevertheless, this marriage lasted 33 years. "Everything I have achieved, I owe my wife," said British Prime Minister Disraeli. Mary Ann lived only for him. She inspired him to new achievements, in every possible way supporting and protecting him. For example, one day Disraeli was on his way to parliament to deliver a very important speech. He was very worried, and as a result, he slammed the carriage door right on his wife's hand, breaking her bone. Not a single muscle twitched on her face, she accompanied her husband with an encouraging smile, and when he disappeared behind the doors of parliament, she simply fainted from pain. Disraeli renounced the title of Viscount Beaconsfield, persuading Queen Victoria to assign the title to his wife - such was his gratitude for everything she had done for him. After the death of Mary Ann, Disraeli felt completely alone, even seriously considering resigning.

Well, well, you say, Dali, Disraeli … The greats have their own lives. With ordinary people, everything is different! If you really think so, then this is a completely real story of one family. Unfortunately, I cannot give their real names, as they wished to remain incognito.

The husband, let's call him Oleg, is 16 years younger than his wife. He is an obvious techie, professionally in demand, financially secure, a leader by nature, independent in his judgments. His wife, let's call her Anna, is a humanitarian, a romantic and unpredictable woman. Together for over 10 years. Still in love with each other. Oleg was looking for a real woman, and when he met her, he showed enviable perseverance, seeking reciprocity. According to Anna, she resisted at first, but very weakly - because she fell in love with Oleg. Oleg's parents were against such a union, but when they saw that their son was happy, they resigned themselves to his choice. Oleg believes that his wife helped him a lot, leading him to success, consolidating and developing positive qualities. At the beginning of family life, there were conflicts between the spouses, similar to those of other newlyweds, when there is a transition from the state of "I" to the state of "WE".

Oleg is the head of the family, plays a leading role. Anna obeys with pleasure. But her advice is always listened to and greatly appreciated. The couple has many mutual friends who are aware of the age difference and take it naturally. To my question - are you not afraid of becoming unattractive to your husband because of your age, - Anna replied:

- You see, if you are a true woman, then you always strive to be at your best, regardless of whether you are married or not, older or younger men who are in love with you - because at any moment everything can change. And true connoisseurs-men do not look at age, they trust their feelings. And if music sounds and nerves flutter, they are torn into your living space, no matter what. And for yourself, of course, you should always try to be in good physical and emotional shape, but this is for yourself …

Here's a love story. And what does the difference in age have to do with it?

Great, you say, but it follows that a marriage where the woman is older is beneficial only to the man. She supports the boy, raises him, cultivates useful qualities, helps him become a man. So it turns out that these marriages, whatever one may say, are concluded by calculation.

Not at all! In this marriage, women benefit too. Take the example of singer Madonna and film director Guy Ritchie. Guy is a representative of high English society, the stepson of the Baronet Sir Michael Leighton and a direct descendant of King Edward the First, the very one whose grave is inscribed: "Here lies Edward the First, the hammer of the Scots" and who was nicknamed Long-Legged. By marrying Richie, Madonna climbed the social ladder to the very top, acquired the right to appear in the highest aristocratic circles. In addition to these privileges, which, by the way, Madonna does not really like to use, the singer was in the focus of the best movie cameras. Guy Ritchie has concentrated all his attention on his wife, having already shot two films with her participation - "Swept Away" and "Revolver". The third picture is on its way - "Love, Sex, Drugs and Money" ("Love, sex, drugs and money"). Guy has directed all of her latest music videos. In addition, Madonna's tastes in dress and behavior were a bit, shall we say, extravagant exhibitionistic. After her marriage to an English aristocrat, Madonna revised her manners, and, according to Richie himself, "no longer looks like cheap."

When two full-fledged strong personalities live together, they influence and inspire each other fruitfully. The age of the spouses does not matter.

Of course, in this article it is impossible to cover all aspects of a marriage of different ages, which for some reason is usually called a mesalliance. But one thing can be said for sure - the age issue is always more important for others than for the couple themselves. A large age difference is an obstacle only when it is done, often trying to disguise other, more serious problems.

Couples where the woman is older:

Prophet Mohammed - his wife Khadija

Honore de Balzac - Laura de Bernie

Honore de Balzac - Eva Hanska

Frederic Chopin - Aurora Dudevant (Georges Sand)

Jean-Jacques Rousseau - Madame de Varanet

Napoleon Bonaparte - his wife Josephine

Salvador Dali - Elena Dyakonova (Gala)

Benjamin Disraeli - his wife Mary Ann

Karl Marx - his wife Jenny

Andrey Voznesensky - Zoya Boguslavskaya

Tim Robbins - Susan Sarandon

Guy Ritchie - Madonna

Justin Timberlake - Cameron Diaz

Ashton Kutcher - Demi Moore