Age difference? Fine

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Once unions, in which the age difference between lovers was ten, fifteen, and even more so twenty years, caused surprise, if not outright condemnation.

But in the twenty-first century, we can safely talk about a trend - the number of unions with a significant age difference is growing.

Shot from the movie "Sex and the City 2"

It is generally accepted that such unions are often involved in self-interest, on the social, career and financial ambitions of the parties, that these are alliances “without a future”, without prospects, accompanied by a lot of difficulties.

However, as practice shows, many men and women most often look for traditional values, depth and quality of relations in these unions. As a psychologist, having the opportunity to compare psychological problems in pairs of peers and couples with a significant difference in age, I come to the conclusion that these unions have very good reasons.

And often marriages of different ages become more harmonious and happy, and most importantly, more stable than couples of the same age. Let's try to consider all the possible pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses of such alliances. I want to make a reservation right away: we will talk about marriages concluded on the basis of mutual feelings, and not for some other reason.

Social side

Certainly one of the strengths of such marriages. If a man is older, he can give his companion the opportunity to calmly realize herself as a mother, learn and “find herself”. If a woman is older, she, at least, knows how to provide for herself, and for a young man this is a serious chance to make a career and realize himself in the profession, without being distracted by constant thoughts about making money for the family: he has support. In addition, such a life partner can share experience, give good advice and ultimately turn a man into that breadwinner who, without much stress, will earn for the whole family when she already wants to take a break from work.

Tilda Swinton and Sandro Kopp. The age difference of this couple is 18 years. They have been together since 2004

Children

A union in which a man is older is created, in addition to love and joy, as a rule, just for them and for their sake. Everything is ready: where to grow, what to grow. Most psychologists agree that the age of "conscious parenthood", that is, the age at which a man really wants to have children, comes closer to forty.

Men who became fathers early, right after twenty, more than once later admitted at consultations: "Only when the child was already ten years old, I finally understood what it means to be a father."

Jason Statham is 20 years older than Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. In June of this year, their first child was born - their son Jack Oscar. Jason became a father at 50

In the union “a woman is older”, a man must be prepared for the fact that there may not be children. But, in the end, a family is not only children. First of all, it is a union of two loving people. It also happens in another way: in my practice, I met several cases when children appeared in such marriages where women were over forty. Interestingly, in such couples, a man also goes into fatherhood as consciously as possible, although he may still be relatively young. A late (for a woman) child is a responsible step, and is possible only if both spouses sincerely wish to replenish the family.

Sexuality

Also one of the strengths of such marriages. At least in the variant "the woman is older" - this is, as they say, hitting not in the top ten, but in the hundred. Most psychologists and sexologists have long agreed that the peaks of male and female sexual activity by age do not coincide. The heyday of a man falls on the interval of twenty-seven to thirty-seven years, the heyday of a woman - forty to fifty.

This does not mean that before or after none of them has an interest in sex, it is about mature sexuality in its prime.

After forty, a woman already very well knows what she wants. Not burdened by the maternal function, she can afford to be the most relaxed, sincere and most comfortable in sex. And in this state, a young man is much more suitable for her.

In the variant when the man is older, both will be preoccupied with offspring and raising it for a long time - sex in such a marriage can be calm and comfortable, because neither the woman nor the man are at the peak of their capabilities, but they will pay tribute to love, again, with equal interest. All problems begin only when a long joint path has been passed and one of the partners begins to lose vitality, and the second is still full of it. And here it is necessary to discuss what, in the opinion of many, is the "stumbling block" of such couples.

Aging

It is believed that growing old with a peer is not scary - the same changes occur with both, people face the same type of problems. But this is only at first glance. A man, for example, ages earlier in terms of sexuality. And in my practice there were many pairs of peers in whom a woman suffered from this.

What, in fact, is scary about aging? Diseases and loss of interest in sex, loss of physical attractiveness. A younger partner, willingly or not, will force the other to keep himself in good shape - by the very fact of his existence. Better yet, do it consciously: come up with general health measures, joint sports.

Hugh Jackman and Deborah-Lee Furness, for example, go downhill. Deborah is 13 years older than her husband

Loss of interest in sex is more of a problem for older couples. Yes, it will be extremely difficult for a sixty-year-old man to meet the needs of a forty-year-old woman. However, he who is forewarned is armed. It is worthwhile to visit a specialist in advance and consult how a man can maintain sexual function, how to diversify his sexual life.

The problem of loss of physical attractiveness may affect older couples more. Although sometimes it is not so much about the loss of attractiveness as about the feelings of the woman herself in this regard. Men, as a rule, love "with their eyes" only for the first time, then the emphasis is shifted to tactile and olfactory sensations, which they associate with the "sense of the family." And in this context, two extra wrinkles on their beloved face are simply invisible to them.

In conclusion, I want to say one thing: in couples with a large age difference, there is a rare balance of power within the family. Partners give each other different information - after all, they are people from different generations, different opportunities, different points of view; they keep each other "in good shape", compensating for each other's shortcomings and shortcomings: if one is weak in something, the other is strong in this, and vice versa. And if all this is superimposed on mutual feelings, then such unions are sometimes more harmonious than pairs of peers. And one more thing: couples of different ages, as a rule, are made up of very courageous people, because in our society it is still "not accepted" to conclude such marriages. And if people know how to love in spite of everything - they already have something to respect.

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