The problem of man and society

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Public opinion haunts us throughout our lives. This is a kind of collective unconscious, which is formed on the basis of mentality, historical moment, state system, and the standard of living of the population. He has answers to all questions, in particular, to the question about the meaning and content of a woman's life.

Based on the current public opinion in our country, every self-respecting woman should:

a) find a suitable man at the age of 17-25;

b) marry him as soon as possible;

v) give a birth to a baby. Otherwise, a woman cannot be considered complete, and she should be treated with irony or pity. Here's a vivid example for you - a common the problem of man and society.

After completing all of the above actions, public opinion falls off the female, like a well-fed leech. And then this individual can already live as she pleases. True, there is not too much time left for this.

Most of us, by accident or deliberately, fit into the time frame allotted by public opinion to perform "the main female functions", that is: meets a man, gets married and gives birth to a child up to 25-30 years old. And what about those who did not have time? Or didn't you want to rush anywhere? Or has he completely abandoned the creation of a "social unit"? Who has not yet met his love, who wants to devote his life only to a career, who for some reason is alone at the moment?

How to "fight off" the statements of others? How to learn to be a wall from which, like peas, all ridicule, comments, incorrect questions, sympathetic statements bounce? How not to become a sponge that absorbs all this and processes it into personal complexes? How to remain yourself and be able to distinguish your own desires from stereotypes imposed by society?

Situation 1. You are lonely

You are already a big girl. You are 18, 25 or 30 years old, and you still haven't found a “suitable man” for yourself (read: candidate for husband). Well, you can't do that. Look, all the girls are already dating, and Masha generally has to start a family, then urgently look for someone, otherwise people will think that no one is looking for you.

Most of us experience our loneliness rather painfully. After all, the main disadvantage of this feeling is not knowing when it will end. So all sorts of hopeless and stupid thoughts such as: "Probably, I will die like an old maid, in a cold apartment overgrown with cobwebs, choking on a cherry pit. And I will be discovered only a month later, when the mailbox is suspiciously overflowing with bills and advertising brochures." … And then the surrounding people add fuel to the fire. They sympathize, ironic, be smart, give advice. They are not out of malice, they are out of the kindness of the soul. Well, we will answer them now!

Well, have you found yourself someone?

Idle to be curious, to feel a sense of superiority.

… (The question is so idiotic that you can just chuckle and remain silent or ask loudly what it means "found".)

Do you have a personal life?

Curiosity, keep the conversation going.

Thank you, OK. (The universal answer. You never know why it is good, maybe you and one is good.)

But usually the questioner does not stop there and asks Are you dating someone?

Yes, there is one there, but I don't really like it. (Shameless lies will help to avoid feelings of inferiority and suppress possible sympathetic sighs or advice from others)

- No, my personal life is covered with a copper basin.(This can only be said to your mother or best friend, and they already know almost everything about your personal life).

Situation 2. You "found someone", but you are not getting married

Well, finally you are "with a man." And why are you sitting, who are you waiting for? Marry him soon, do not disappoint others! What? Not ready yet? Or maybe he's not ready? So he will shake you up and leave you! Oh, and you're not ready either ?! Tell me please! Choosy bride!

Try to abstract yourself from such moral pushing in the back and decide for yourself: do you want to get married at all, do you want to marry this particular person, is it so important for you that you are already 25 and "then it will be too late"? If there is something that now annoys you in a potential husband, you should not start a family just because everyone around him calls him a "promising young man." You live with him, give birth to children from him, see him every day. If your man is in no hurry to make an offer, start a serious conversation with him only if this question torments you personally and if you yourself want to continue in the form of a stamp in your passport.

Why don't you get married with Vasya (Petya, Dima)?

If the question comes from the lips of close relatives, then this is simply concern for your fate. Perhaps distrust of your boyfriend. If someone else asks, the goal is to be curious, of course.

- We do not want to rush things. (A compromise answer that postpones questions about marriage for an indefinite period, however, in a year and a half, such an answer will no longer work).

- Nobody takes it, Marivanna! (Say loudly and happily. The questioner will feel silly).

Probably you want to get married?

It all depends on the meaning that a person puts into his question. Perhaps he means your dream of an independent life with a release from the care of your parents and wishes you only well. Although, most likely, he again wants to feel his superiority and make sure he is right.

- You need to get married when you meet your half, a kindred spirit, and not when you are 23 years old. (Answer with explanation. Suitable for understanding relatives and friends).

- Nope! Why do I need this baida? Then, all of a sudden, spinogrybs will appear, but I need it ?! I want to live for myself! (Say, fiercely dragging on his cigarette. The sympathetic one will hasten to leave).

How? Are you not married yet? Poor thing!

Feel a sense of superiority, show condescension, assert yourself at your expense. This can be heard from not very smart people of the older generation or from not very kind female colleagues at work.

"Does your husband still drink?" or "And your Sveta is still so fat? Poor thing …" (No pity! Next time they will think before asking incorrect questions and letting go of such comments). Still common a problem of man and society is an:

Situation 3. You got married, but you do not have children

In the first year after marriage, so be it, you can live for your pleasure. And then, be good, fulfill your female destiny. And then everyone around is already tired of waiting for granddaughters, nephews, godchildren and, in general, little toddlers, over which you can stand with a rattle for 10 minutes, determining who they look more like - like dad or mom. And it is useless to tell that in the West many people prefer to give birth to children after 30 years. Either in the wild west, or in our country. Do not forget: you cannot be considered a full-fledged woman until you give birth.

There are two main reasons why, after several years of married life, you still do not have children:

1) you do not want a child yet (already, at all);

2) you are having trouble conceiving.

In the first case, the set of questions and statements is rather monotonous.

When will you give us granddaughters?

Curiosity, find out your plans for the future.

- Mom, by the way, we are already thinking. But I'm not going to quit my job for more than six months. Would you mind retiring early and devoting yourself to your grandchildren? By the way, it seems that we had twins in our family! It would be great to give birth to two at once! (To speak in a joyful tone, but without a hint of humor. Mom, most likely, will begin to deny and will lag behind for a long time with such questions).

- We are going, but later. We still want to live for each other. (The answer ceases to suit the questioners after your 27-30th birthday).

Another thing is when you want a baby, but the pregnancy does not occur. One has only to know about your problems, and even more so to hear the word "infertility", as advice and wise sayings begin to pour like a cornucopia. Don't take it all to heart. Better to find a good doctor, follow all his recommendations, connect your husband to the treatment, do not miss the prescribed procedures and medications, be patient and believe: everything will be fine!

"You just think all the time about how to get pregnant. Relax - and everything will work out!" or "Adopt a child - you'll get pregnant right away!"

The desire to cheer, support, using the entire arsenal of stories about women who could not conceive a child for many years, and then, when they stopped waiting or even adopted children, they suddenly became pregnant.

It is known that approximately 50 percent of women treated for infertility become pregnant successfully. And among those who are just waiting for "self-healing" and let things take their course, only 5 percent have a child. Perhaps your acquaintances just got into the same 5 percent. And I want to increase my chances.

"Maybe you just have to try better ?!"

Feel a sense of superiority. Surely, the speaker already has children who may have appeared "on the fly."

… (It is not at all necessary to answer, but you must remember for yourself: infertility and the quality / quantity of sex are not related to each other, the main thing for conception is to be healthy and "get" into the ovulation phase.)

"And, on the contrary, I can fly even from his toothbrush!", "Your efforts must be a lot of pleasure!"

Be smart, flirt, philosophize. In any case, the people, as they say, are not in the subject.

Don't answer, don't make excuses, don't complain, don't explain anything. You are not guilty of anything and do not owe anything to these people. They should not in any way influence your decision with your husband about the child.

The problem of man and society as old as the world. Public opinion is contagious and inherited. So do not be surprised if someday you suddenly want to say to a casual acquaintance: "Light, well, you need to get married, you are already thirty!" And remember that with your phrase you form and support what you yourself once could not stand.