Relationship with mom

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The relationship between generations is a complex and extremely contradictory business. "Fathers and Sons" - a lot of talented words and clever judgments are devoted to this topic. Meanwhile, the main tragedies are played out in a slightly different format: "Mother and Children", or rather "Mother and Daughter" - this is where passions rage, emotions boil and feelings melt.

Mom friend

Having a mom and a girlfriend in one person is a profitable business. You do not have to keep the defensive, protecting your privacy and defending your own self. There will be no need to classify correspondence, confuse traces and fight off numerous complaints every hour. Moreover, this "friend" is reliable and loyal. He will not betray, deceive or condemn; give the best piece and the last shirt; will sacrifice everything and everything for you.

Such a relationship also promises a lot of benefits for mom. She gets the opportunity to unobtrusively control your life and, with the help of friendly advice and participation, to correct behavior. And mother's advice, no matter how difficult it is for you to believe it, is worth a lot. Do not rush to dismiss parental admonitions and "outdated" judgments. As practice shows, in ninety cases out of a hundred, mother is right. So it's better not to learn from your mistakes, but to rely on my mother's experience.

And in order for your friendship to flow peacefully and smoothly, you should still adhere to some restrictions:

1. Don't tell your mom about the erotic fantasies of your next boyfriend. Not every psyche can withstand such overloads. Intimate life is intimate for that, which should be hidden from prying eyes and ears. Try to stick to this rule no matter who you are friends with, your mom or anyone else. How shocking such revelations can be, you will understand if you imagine how your mother suddenly begins to share with you the details of her sex life.

2. Remember! Mom always remains a mom. And no matter what happens to you, she will experience it a hundred times more than you yourself. Perhaps, after a while, you will safely forget about all your life cataclysms, and they will leave a deep mark in your mother's soul. Try not to overload mom's heart with heartbreaking statements like: "I can't live without him!", "My life is over!", "I have no reason to live!" and so on. You will just safely survive all these passions, muzzles, but mom, maybe not, you need to take care of your relationship with mom.

3. Friendship is, first of all, the ability to give yourself up. Therefore, loading your mother with your problems and experiences, be ready to show at least a little participation in her life. And this is not easy. Mom's problems are likely to be much bigger and more difficult than yours. And if you are a real friend, strip at least a little of your mother’s burden.

Rival mom

Fortunately, it is not often that there is a feeling of competition between mother and daughter. This undoubtedly unhealthy manifestation of feelings clearly contradicts the very nature of motherhood. The rivalry can be served from one side or both at once.

Mothers most often begin to see their daughter as a rival, noticing that their beauty is fading. Usually, such an attitude towards daughters appears in beautiful, successful and public women. Cultivating their own beauty all their lives, they hardly survive age-related changes and are sensitive to any reminders of the number of years they have lived. And nothing betrays our age like children. In addition, the ruthless work of Time becomes especially noticeable against the background of youthful blooming beauty. It is worthy to survive the moment when men's admiring glances begin to float past and stop at the young charms of their daughter, not every "socialite" can. In this situation, it is important for you to understand that your mother is not waging a war with you, but with Time. And with him, as you know, it is useless to fight. Sooner or later she will have to come to terms with his merciless course, but for now it is better for you to retire. So you will not serve as a source of eternal irritation, and at a distance, perhaps your relationship will improve and become warmer and more sincere.

The daughter can also start the struggle for supremacy. She is usually pushed into this business by an inferiority complex, wounded pride or a struggle for independence. Anything can serve as a pretext for unleashing hostilities. Career success (especially if the mother and daughter have chosen the same field of activity), external attractiveness (especially if the daughter is less beautiful), the degree of influence and pressure (especially if the daughter is not a docile character), etc. The range of feelings involved in this process, ranges from adoration to complete denial and hatred. And the time period stretches until the moment of growing up (each has his own) or to infinity. Sometimes the senseless rivalry with the parents continues even after their death. In this case, it is important for you to understand that you are not waging a war with your mother, but with yourself. And there will be one loser here.

The interests of a mother and daughter can converge on one man. In life, it happens. To become one of the peaks of a love triangle is unpleasant in itself, and if related contradictions are also mixed with this, then write it up. It is possible to get out of such an inconvenient situation without any special losses if the contradiction is eliminated. There is nothing to be done, the third must go. Let this third be a man. After all, nothing in this life is worth a good relationship between a mother and her child.

Mom, again

Close friendship or rivalry with the mother is a well-known phenomenon, but rather rare. Usually the action unfolds according to the same scenario. The matured daughter is trying to achieve autonomy and limit her mother's interference in her life. The mother, on the other hand, is trying with all her might to maintain control over the situation and does not understand why it is her so obedient, such a good girl suddenly turned into a stubborn, unyielding, secretive and eccentric creature. Conflicts and quarrels begin. The fight goes on with varying success, and the result, despite the kilometers of exhausted nerves, is almost always the same. Children grow up and go into their lives. There is nothing you can do about it. And the sooner the mother understands this, the easier it will be for her to build a new relationship with her matured daughter. And it won't hurt you to show restraint. Quarreling with your mother is not profitable. Whatever the case, you will feel guilty. Of course, it is stressful at thirty-something to feel the gaze of a parent's eye on oneself. But still, do not rush to tear the vest on your chest every time your mother invades the protected area of your personal life, declaring that this terrible Sasha does not suit you at all, and the creepy orange skirt will stop traffic on the roads. It is absolutely impossible for mom to separate your, even if very personal, life from yours. Therefore, treat her grumbling favorably, in the end, what's the difference what mom says, the main thing is that she is, there is no need to spoil the relationship with mom.

Well, if it becomes unbearable, try to bud. We retired to a safe distance and limited communication with relatives by telephone calls and short visits. In the distance, both the disadvantages of the ill-fated Sasha and the stunning power of the orange skirt will fade. And you will also gain freedom of movement and peace of mind, because you will not worry about what your mother is worried about you.

His mother

His mom is no exception. Most of her reproaches will also be directed at you. It is to you that she will tell you that her Sasha does not eat well, that she walks in stale shirts and generally looks tired. Do not be in a hurry to be surprised at such an orientation of reproaches. If you try very hard, you can understand it. For many years she nursed and cherished her boy, reluctantly transferred her "treasure" into your hands and suddenly found out that you did not take good care of him. In any case, you are not worthy of her son, but if he chose you, you could have shown great dedication. Ninety out of a hundred mother-in-law think so. Only ten have enough sense not to interfere in the family life of their son, to understand the position of the daughter-in-law and to take her side. If you have such a mother-in-law, consider yourself lucky. Such a mother-in-law will pay off any shortcomings of her husband (her son) and thus serve to strengthen the family.

It's not bad if the mother-in-law takes a neutral position. The neutrality, however, can be different:

Benevolent: she happily fiddles with her grandchildren, serves as a peacemaker if necessary, and from time to time tosses a bucket of potatoes from her own dacha.

Hostile: she is busy with her grandchildren, but in her heart she believes that they took the best from their father, and the worst from you. She does not interfere in your relationship, but the question is clearly read in her eyes: "How does he live with you?" She, with a mute reproach, washes the dishes after you, fearfully eats borscht cooked by your hands, and in a private conversation with a neighbor questions your appearance.

Of course, the best option of all is to live separately from your mother-in-law, it’s easier to maintain a relationship with your mother. And the greater the distance between you, the better your relationship will turn out. But such happiness, unfortunately, is far from being tough for everyone. And if you are not among the lucky ones, you have two choices. You can put up with the old woman's antics. Try not to succumb to her provocations and vent anger on her dearest son. Or you can send them along with your mother along the well-known Russian route. But then the fate of a divorced woman is assured to you. If divorce is not part of your plans, and the prospect of separation does not even shine, nothing can be done, you will have to adjust to your mother-in-law. This is not difficult to do. To her unambiguous hint: "The chandelier would not hurt to wash!" Answer meekly: "And really, well, nothing, now Sasha will come and wash." Most likely, the mother-in-law will wash the chandelier herself. Well, you didn't ask her to.

Finishing my excursion into the sphere of thorny relations between the two most dear, closest, most dear women to each other, I would like to wish all Mothers patience, and all Daughters generosity. These two components will make any relationship successful and help avoid quarrels and conflicts.