Friends after childbirth: together and apart

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

“Imagine, Natasha left Odnoklassniki because she was annoyed by constant photos of children. He says that we, mothers, are like zombies with whom there is nothing more to talk about. But I think she's just jealous. It’s thirty-five, but neither husband nor child,”says Marina, a mother of two.

The appearance of a child can radically change the social circle: if some parents manage to maintain contacts with friends or find new ones, then others can lose friends who are not interested in the topics of diapers and undershirts.

But there are parents who are sure that nothing can break true friendship. On the contrary, the birth of a baby will show who your real friend is and who envies you, some believe.

123RF / Yulia Grigoryeva

For example, the birth of her daughter did not prevent Polina from maintaining an active lifestyle and communicating with friends:

“With the advent of my daughter, new people entered my social circle. I communicate well with one mother in the yard, she has a great sense of humor, and she is not clever. Our daughters are the same age, so we have common themes. I communicate with all the other mothers and nannies because, to the extent. Mothers who are fixated on their children, spam the feed with their pictures and other things, do not enrage me. I just don't pay attention to it.

My friend gave birth 2 years after me and before she was such a "Makarenko": she loved to teach everyone life, give advice unnecessarily and all the time was disappointed in someone. Always someone did not live up to her expectations. And now she has become a mother, she has so many worries that there is no time left for everything else and she applies all her pedagogical and mentoring talents to her child. The people around him breathed a sigh of relief.

When I gave birth, my friends lost sight of me for some time, but as soon as my daughter grew up and it became possible to take her with me, I began to visit guests with her and invite friends to us. Some say that they are inspired by my daughter and also start to want children. Some on the contrary: “Oh, is it you always carry so much with you? Don't you have a clutch? Just a backpack? And what's in there? Extra clothes, snacks, water-juice, socks, books, toys … How do you paint with her? She takes everything away … And when she sleeps, do you rest? It's clear. No, Im not ready.

123RF / Konrad Bak

Inna is just getting ready to become a mother, but already in horror from the abundance of posts and pictures of children of her peers in social networks:

“I watch some of the mothers immerse themselves in the haunches, the properties of their children and all that, and for me it’s all strange. I hope that such fanaticism will not overtake me, and I will be able to maintain my sobriety. I don’t want to be like them. After all, you can love your child without these lisps."

123 RF / Pavel Ilyukhin

Dasha, the mother of three-year-old Katya, recently moved from Odnoklassniki to Facebook because she can no longer watch the daily parade of diapers, recipes and babies.

“My daughter ate, my son is playing, bought my son new rompers, and has anyone tried this new food? And so - all day long. I just don’t understand why to brag about all this, you need to keep happiness to yourself. And when mom starts to post a few photos a day, it seems that she is really showing off.

I rarely post a photo of my Katya, because, it seems to me, it is necessary to protect the child's aura. If you are a fan of children's topics, start a children's blog, or chat on a forum for young mothers, but why post all this to a common feed - I don't understand.

Now I rarely communicate with two friends due to the fact that they have turned into a children's encyclopedia, there is nothing more to talk about with them. I have one adequate friend Mila, she is also a mother, but you can communicate with her not only about children. I don’t know about others, but I don’t have enough communication on topics not related to children.”

But Anna, who is not yet going to become a mother, quarreled with her childhood friend because of the correspondence under the post about raising a baby on Instagram:

“Tanya posted a post where she asked other mothers for advice on how to force the child to eat - her son refuses all the time. I offered her a couple of tricks that I spied on in the same situation with my niece. But Tanya said that all this is nonsense, and I do not understand anything about raising children, because I do not have my own child. And she also wrote: "Here you will give birth to your own, then you will understand."

It just pissed me off! She just doesn't see anything except her child. And it is not useful for a son, if his mother is too focused on him, he will "suffocate" from such care. In my opinion, a lot still depends on how self-sufficient the mother herself is, whether she has her own life, or she switches her life to the life of a child. I could also tell her that you are all in this topic, because you stayed at home and you have no career, but I didn’t say that. I respect her choice to be a mom.

I can't imagine that every day I post something about my success in my career, I think it would annoy everyone. Everything should be in moderation. In general, after that incident, we stopped communicating with Tanya."

123RF / Cathy Yeulet

Varvara herself began to avoid communication with her friend Olya after she gave birth to twins.

“When I came to Olya and she asked me how she was doing, she still quickly translated the topic to the children. You tell her about problems at work, and she starts: what is it, today my daughter has done this, etc. As if I became a vest for her for revelations that her husband was bored to listen to, and over time it became uninteresting to communicate with her.

On the other hand, sometimes I felt sad that Olya was all about taking care of children, but I just couldn't find a loved one and give birth to a child. Once we dreamed with her that we would give birth together, we would walk, but it so happened that she gave birth alone. Sometimes I was even jealous of her for our mutual friend Anya, who gave birth almost at the same time, and now she and Olya are walking together. I used to walk with them, but then I stopped - I felt superfluous."

Maxim became a dad three years ago, and the relationship with his friends and his wife after the birth of their daughter remained the same: they travel with families.

“Only one friend of Vika was unpleasantly surprised, who when she came to visit, all the time compared our daughter with Masha to her daughter. Either our daughter spoke too late, now she sits in a wrong way, now she still does not know how to do what her daughter can do. At first my wife and I were annoyed by this, but then we realized what was happening. It so happened that Vicki's husband left her, and it must be painful for her to see us alone with Masha. Perhaps, by such a comparison of children, she is trying to somehow compensate for the situation, to show that she alone can raise a daughter who can be more successful than a daughter growing up with both parents. Of course, this behavior is not very pleasant to us, but I hope the situation will change over time. We continue to communicate."

But Lena's baby boom in social networks is not at all annoying, on the contrary, she found new friends with whom she discusses the tricks of raising children:

“If I had been told earlier that I would be so passionate about all this, I would not have believed it. I dreamed of making a career, becoming a businesswoman, but now that I have a son, I realized that business is not mine, the main thing for me is children.

I met my best friend Zhanna at the hospital, we gave birth on the same day, and now we communicate. I was scared to give birth, but she was already her second child, and she helped me to psychologically tune in correctly. We visit each other, our husbands also communicate, the children are friends, we leave each other's children if we need to go somewhere.

Probably, if I were making a career, then a businesswoman would be drawn into this race: who earns more, who has the most stellar clients, who has a cooler car, etc. As if not friends, but competitors. And now I feel that Zhanna is a real friend, and we do not need to compete with her. I can call her in the middle of the night and ask for advice or just talk. Children only bring us closer together”.

123RF / Tyler Olson

According to Lily, everything depends not on whether a person has a child, but on the person himself and his character, on the presence of common interests:

“I myself have no children, but I communicate a lot with my friend Sasha, who has two children, sometimes I sit with them, if Sasha leaves for orders, she is a photographer. I am interested with Sasha, with her children - such a positive that it is beyond words. At the same time, I know a few more girls with whom we parted ways after they gave birth. Probably not that much in common we had with them, since this happened. I guess it doesn't matter if a person has a child. It is important that you understand and respect each other, do not think that you are more successful in life, if you have a child, do not treat others downright because of this.

With Sasha, we talk not only about children, but also about everything that we talked about before, before her birth, when we studied together at the university. Together we continue to do some creative projects, sometimes Sasha's children also participate in them. She is still interested in my life, my romantic relationship - she does not pull the blanket over herself and children in communication. For me, such mutual respect is the most important thing in friendship."