I want to marry a foreigner

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Marries an American …

Why did Columbus discover America?

Nikolay Gumilev, 1917.

Before my wedding, my aunt sighed all the time: "Oh, dear, how is it possible, you are not old yet, beautiful and clever, but for such a thing … It's not the last chance!" When my husband and I walk down the street holding hands, people look at us with curiosity. Some comment: "Probably, no one else needed it, but it is necessary to get married." I laugh in response to sympathetic questions like, "Well, is he at least good?" I love my husband and his race doesn't matter to me.

It's no secret that there is an extremely negative attitude towards interracial couples. In the United States, for example, a ban on such marriages was in effect until 1967. In Russia, these marriages have never been prohibited by law, but the attitude towards them on the part of society is clearly negative.

Roughly, nine out of ten mixed couples break up. (By the way, the very expression "mixed pair" is perplexing. I have this phrase associated with sports associations - people are trying to portray a free program on the ice, despite the fact that one of them is a tennis player and the other is a fencer. But this is so, echoes of sports childhood.) Not everyone can overcome prejudices, family and community pressure. These are "external" reasons. There are also “internal” reasons, which are almost more compelling than “external” ones.

Is such an alliance doomed to collapse? It's not like that at all. If you are on the verge of marrying a member of a different race, do not despair. David Bowie, Kofi Annan, John Lennon, Robert de Niro - the list of people for whom such a marriage became happy can be continued.

How do you ensure that mixed marriages are lasting? If you still decide: I want to marry a foreigner, everything will depend on you and your chosen one. Based on my twelve years of experience, as well as the experience of my friends, I will try to give you information for thought.

1. Make sure the thread that connects you two is stronger than steel

It is love, admiration, and gratitude, and God knows what else. This person is the one and only for you, he is everything for you. You can argue with me that this attitude should be at the core of every family. Right. But when you marry a representative of a different race, you must clearly imagine that they will point fingers at you, they will throw offensive remarks at you, ask stupid questions, which will not happen in a marriage with a white man.

2. Are you sure that you do not mistake the admiration for exotic things for love?

Relationships with a representative of a different race will bring a lot of new things into your life. This is a new speech, a different behavior, mentality, cuisine, finally. All of this will charm you, and you can easily lose your sense of reality. You will take admiration for another culture for love for its bearer. But in the end, food, music, style of behavior will turn into an everyday environment, and you will find yourself in it alone with a specific man. And if you have nothing in common with him, then this is a tragedy. Imagine that your chosen one is not part of an ancient wise civilization, but Vasya Pupkin from the next doorway with the character of your man.

3. Try to learn as much as possible about the homeland of your loved one

What are the customs there? Attitude towards a woman? Is there polygamy? What is the attitude towards foreigners or whites in general there? How do laws regulate marriage with foreigners? What will happen to you and the children (if they appear) in the event of a divorce? By the way, many things can be negotiated in advance and fixed in the contract. For example, that you will be his only wife. Insist on this, no matter how your future husband assures you that polygamy is no longer accepted in Cameroon. You don't want to end up in a harem, even as an older wife? Don't forget about his family. You know that an apple falls not far from an apple tree. The son will want to repeat the life of his parents. Maybe his mother worked and made a good career, the servants were engaged in the household. Or maybe she went outside only with the permission of her husband? Find out what is the meaning of religion for your chosen one, and what kind. Check out her canons.

4. The mentality of your man is significantly different from yours

Moreover, "other" does not always mean "bad." Asians, for example, are more materialistic, practical, calm, non-sentimental, conservative, and less adventurous. You will not be able to explain to your Asian husband why the death of your favorite actor is a tragedy for you; he will be able to accept it as a fact, but never understand, let alone share the grief with you. Customs can also be diametrically different. For example, when I got married, I began to congratulate my husband's relatives on their birthday, since only his brothers and sisters are 11. My impulse was greeted with cold bewilderment. It turned out that traditional Chinese families have a completely different attitude towards this holiday. It is not celebrated. Even congratulations are considered bad form. Another thing is weddings or the birth of children. You still keep saying I want to marry a foreigner?

5. The life of an international couple is an endless compromise

There is a huge gap between your worldviews. To understand each other, you need to accept a lot and refuse a lot. If your husband is Arab, most likely you will have to wear a hijab. Otherwise, you risk being misunderstood and getting yourself into trouble. Many things can be discussed in advance. But conflict situations associated with a difference in mentalities will arise almost daily, over the course of many years. For example, a Japanese husband will give you his salary up to the last yen, and this will end his household duties. But the Arab husband, most likely, will not give you your salary.

6. What language do you speak?

Let's say in Russian. And if you live in his country? With him, you will at the very least explain yourself, but what about his mother? Neighbors? A supermarket clerk? You probably don't know Ovambo. What about English?

7. Do you yourself accept the race of your future spouse?

You will have to go out with him, to visit. You will have children, not white blue-eyed, but black and curly, or yellow with slanted eyes.

If yours I want to marry a foreigner was not afraid of difficulties. If you answered “Yes” to all the questions, ask them to your chosen one. And if he also gave affirmative answers - well, advice and love. This means that you can resist external pressure and at the same time save your family. If you hesitate in at least one of the above points, it is better to seriously weigh the pros and cons again. And only then make a decision.

Good luck!

In the section "Love" on our women's website you will find many other interesting articles on the topic of marriage! Read and share your experience with other readers! We wish everyone a cloudless family life!