The birth of a child, a young family

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Now there are three of us

The birth of the first child is a serious test for a family, especially a young one. The wind of change shifts the focus and makes the couple adapt and get used to new conditions, relationships, to a new person.

Challenge for a young family

Vladimir Levy "Unusual child"

Often, after the birth of a child, bright expectations about the time of excellent parenting are not justified and disappointment sets in. Psychologists propose to tune in to the good, but never "expect" it, because our beliefs that everything will develop according to this scenario are the cause of depression and stress.

After childbirth, the distribution of household responsibilities changes radically: during pregnancy, many parents-to-be believe that they will share responsibilities equally. But the appearance of a baby or baby makes its own adjustments.

Father is a good lad

Dads have depression too. Responsibility increases: the baby needs to be fed, clothed and treated. And all this today requires strength and resources. "A screaming lump, a red wrinkled face, a tied navel, a very fragile creature" - these are the first associations that usually come to mind for young dads. The fear of dropping and not knowing which side to approach the baby from are direct consequences of the paradigm of dealing with the baby that prevailed in society for a long time. Take books on childbirth and childcare. 10 out of 100 are addressed exclusively to mothers and there is not a single mention of the father as an active participant in the upbringing of children at an early age. As the saying goes, "the Moor has done his job - the Moor can leave"? But everything flows, everything changes. And it is changing for the better: the literature of the last 15 years is replete with chapters on how to be a "father", and in some publications they dare to offer men even to take part in childbirth. The majority of domestic obstetricians perceive a man during childbirth as a burden.

It is troublesome with these dads: they will faint or start to interfere … In addition, many doctors are convinced that there is no help from a man: a person is born himself, he himself dies.

Parental centers that have emerged in the last decade, schools of preparation for childbirth insist on the presence of a man in childbirth. Of course, the presence of a loved one is not at all useless. Vice versa! Firstly, a man creates a homely atmosphere, and in childbirth this is very important, he is the most dear person and helps just by being present. And if you learn a little, then the dad's participation can become more fruitful: a strong massage of the sacrum, support on strong male shoulders, hugs during labor, etc. Childbirth is truly a cosmic process, a turning point in the life of a family. They not only completely change the psyche of a woman and a man, but also lay the foundations for a relationship with a new man. Modern medicine has proven that the so-called "imprinting" - a close bond with a child - is formed precisely in the first hours and minutes. Instead of “remaking” the character of the child raised by the mother 10 years later, try to take an active part in his birth.

You can help your wife during the mating period, cut the umbilical cord, and even adopt the baby. The ancient peoples had such a rite: a man lay down next to a woman in labor, groaned, gasped and held on to his stomach. It was believed that in this way he drives away evil spirits and "grounds" negative energy.

However, in such a serious matter as the birth of a child, one cannot be categorical: it is better if this process is harmonious, proceeding in a calm and relaxed atmosphere. If dad (imagining the whole process in films and books) is still nervous, no need to insist - it will be worse. Sometimes the mother herself does not want the man to be present at the birth. Either way, start communicating with your newborn as early as possible. Such interaction is necessary for you and your baby, and for a mother, tormented by pain. In those first seconds, you become a PARENT, not just a biological father. Actively helping his wife go through pregnancy, if possible, reduce pain in childbirth, prepare her for them, take care of her after, overcoming the difficulties of the first days - the main tasks of a conscientious parent.

Let's be afraid together …

The appearance of a baby radically changes the relationship in a couple. The immense euphoria passes, and some difficulties of a new life appear. The young are confused by several points:

- The child does not react to his father, does not understand him, does not even see him until 3 weeks.

- The need for funds increases dramatically with the birth of a baby.

- The wife is not able to keep track of the house, to care for her husband in the same volume, to pay attention to him, to give love.

- End of independence and mobility.

Young parents are also "exhausted" by fatigue and chronic lack of sleep. But all these difficulties, fortunately, are solvable. Believe me, two weeks will fly by, and the baby will begin to emotionally respond to you. And in another two weeks she will give her a smile. The more often you hold him in your arms, the sooner he will recognize you. The problem with strollers and cribs can be easily solved by borrowing basic "baby necessities" from friends or by leaving an ad with a request for help in parenting centers and on the doors of clinics. And at the same time, in order to regret your bitter share of an abandoned husband, take the initiative yourself - take care of your wife. Today there are a lot of devices for carrying babies - chairs, rocking chairs, kangaroos, backpacks, removable strollers, bags. If you have a car, it is simply impossible to stay at home! The restriction of freedom, of course, is taking place. But it will fully pay off with the joyful exclamations of the baby when you appear.

Shifting focus: transforming from Princess to Cinderella

The changes will affect everything: the woman's physical condition, her emotions, self-identification. The woman is experiencing another hormonal explosion, and this cannot but affect her condition. However, recent studies have shown that not all women experience postpartum depression. So it’s something else?

The birth of a child satisfies a woman's creative need. The vast majority of expectant mothers during this amazing period of gestation are proud of their role, surrounded by attention. The special aura surrounding a pregnant woman is vividly reflected in films, literature and art. After giving birth, the Carriage again turns into a pumpkin, and the retinue into rodents. Now on the street and at home, at a party or at work - all attention will be focused on your cute child. And if your own husband joins your relatives and friends … a normal reaction is frustration, disappointment and postpartum depression. Pay attention to your mother, take care of her!

Own nest?

Our ancestors attached great importance to the first days of a child's life. Forty days is the time when the family must be together in order to get used to the new rhythm of life, to "capture" each other, to survive what happened. For the mother, this is the period of "nesting" or "nesting," according to Serza's terminology. And if relatives, friends and other guests are constantly taking up time, there is a danger of stress. The three of us on the planet are a family, live the birth of a child, arrange a worthy meeting for him. Strong love will help you get through difficult times.

Keep it simple

Natives of Asia believe: "simplicity is the final stage of complication."I am not suggesting that you switch to gauze diapers, make toys from birch bark and eat uncooked food … I am suggesting that you simplify your life and care for your baby.

To make it easier to do your homework, there are at least four ways.

- Hire a "housewife". It is not at all as expensive as it seems. You can invite her once a week for 2 hours, pay $ 10. The apartment will be clean, you are calm and cheerful, and the child is happy, because mom spent these 2 hours with him!

- Ask your mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, uncle, girlfriend - any close person to help you wash the dishes, take out the trash and go to the store. Guests are likely to come to you. Ask to donate diapers and bring groceries so as not to run around the market with your baby.

- Get other helpers, if your financial situation allows: a washing machine with a dryer, an electric kettle, a thermos for bottles, a radio telephone, etc.

- Give up general cleaning, let the house be as it is. It is better for a child to have lively and cheerful parents and a mess than scolding tired, depressed people who hate each other in complete purity.

Our family has a rule: you don't like something, do it yourself.

The experience of several young mothers proves that simplification of caring for a baby gives strength and time to take care of him, give him a daily massage, bathe, walk, move, smile, gag every night, and a mother - to eat right.

You do not need to iron the diapers, wash the floor no more than once or twice a week, do not brew the herb or boil the water in the bathroom.

Others will help

In England, back in the 70s, they faced the problem of postpartum stress in young families. And in response to numerous inquiries, the "Home - Start" movement emerged, a support system for young families with small children in situations of stress.

Since then, this movement has received recognition and support in more than 10 countries around the world. In England alone, there are now about 400 "Home - Start" schemes. Now this movement has come to Russia as well. Among the first volunteers of "Home - Start" in Russia are teachers and doctors, professors and students, artists and directors, housewives and retirees. They all have parenting experience and a desire to share it with young moms and dads. A free training course is provided for volunteers.

During the lessons for 12 seminars (within two months), the future "assistant" will receive practical training in basic counseling skills on the following topics: psychology of parent-child relationships; stress factors in family life; child developmental psychology; violence in family; child protection; acute grief; hidden causes of conflicts and difficulties in the family; communication skills.

Learning from children

Maternity is a unique period to change your life, learn how to manage your time, manage money wisely, save energy and have proper rest, and restrain anger. Time to learn, dear parents!