School age crisis

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Last spring, it was painful to look at my friend - she was thinner, she was asleep from her face - and all because of her first-grader daughter, whose health suddenly suddenly deteriorated and had problems with her studies.

It all started so well! The girl was prepared, looked forward to going to study and the first months did not cause any trouble - everything was easy for her, she did not help much, she was delighted with her classmates, and she seemed to like the teacher. And after the winter holidays, it seemed to mom that the child seemed to be reluctant to go to school. At first, they did not attach much importance to this - well, you never know, I didn't have enough rest, laziness …

Then suddenly she began to complain of abdominal pain. It seems that they did not immediately pay attention to this, but when a seven-year-old girl began to have enuresis (and this, as you know, bedwetting), the parents got alarmed, took the child to the specialists, but they did not find anything wrong, they advised him to walk more, drink vitamins, do not watch TV before going to bed, and the like. Against the background of all this, somehow they did not notice that triplets, a couple of comments began to appear in the diary. It was then, having analyzed the situation, one of the doctors referred the patient to a psychotherapist.

And he was right! The girl was "talked about", and it turned out that already in the second quarter she had a conflict with the teacher. A talented, but a little sluggish child with out-of-the-box thinking did not fit into the school framework. She could ask an unexpected question during the explanation, did not immediately respond to the teacher's remarks, did not count "as it should", but in a cunning way that her dad taught her. And the teacher did not just "dislike", but began to ignore, not notice (and maybe underestimate the grade).

My friend's daughter is very sensitive, she immediately got nervous, at first she continued to bring fives and fours, but latent anxiety made itself felt with "phantom" pains and wet sheets. The parents urgently talked with the teacher, worked with a psychologist, and by the end of the last quarter everything had stabilized relatively; now the future second grader is again waiting for the first of September. Something will happen next …

This story - one of many - clearly illustrates the difficulties of the "second crisis period", usually occurring at the age of seven or eight (it happens, of course, in different ways, some earlier, some later; it all depends on the child). It is believed that this "crisis" passes easier than the first, at three or four years, and with less losses than the "explosive" adolescent. However, in my opinion, this period is almost harder for children, because it is usually associated with such a "shock" as going to school.

The first three years of study are very important: psychologists, doctors, and teachers are unanimous that the way a child proves himself, how he finishes primary school depends on what indicators he will move to the next link and even how he will further study at the institute. And at first it can be very difficult. The fact is that when a baby asserts himself, he, despite all his tricks, feels protected, his mother is there, even if she is angry with him. To some extent, the teenager has a formed worldview, a broader idea of the world around him, a larger circle of friends, and the first-grader appears to be thrown into the water. The requirements at school are completely different - if in the kindergarten the kid played, slept and did quite a bit of work, now he has to do a lot himself, he feels responsibility, the mother is not always there. If something does not go well - at school or in the family, then neurosis is provided.

Moreover, the problems can be completely different. For example, a divorce (or a situation on the verge of divorce) of parents who, in the heat of family battles, remember the child only when deviations in his behavior (up to running away from home), studies (bad grades and comments) and well-being become too obvious. Often in this way the little sly guy tries to bring the parents closer together, "takes revenge" for the lack of attention, or gives the SOS signal using the means available to him. The same thing sometimes happens when a second child appears in the family; In addition, the older brother or sister begins to portray a "baby" - they lie curled up in the crib, take a pacifier in their mouths, they say worse - "babble".

Here it's up to mom - it's good if you can quickly navigate and switch the child to some constructive activity. Despite all your problems, try not to lose sight of anything - your little student came home from school upset, spoke dismissively about his friends, did not want to go to lessons, became tired, did not concentrate. These may be the first signs of an impending disaster, so be sure to find time to talk, ask how you are doing, what you like, what not, what difficulties you face …

If your child is from the breed of silent (there are also such - they will not say the words, all of them must be "pulled"), find a different approach, for example, ask leading questions. Let's say you see something is wrong; do not hesitate, start: "Are you all right? Do you like your teacher? You don’t quarrel with your friends? What, did you fight with Sasha? Why?" etc. Even if all the answers are "normal", you will still understand where "the matter is unclean". Do not stop, "spin" the child further, almost certainly he has a great need to speak out, but for some reason he resists. Estimate for yourself - if your child is with the manners of a leader, perhaps he is not successful in leadership in the class or there is a rivalry with another student.

If the child is quiet and withdrawn, these qualities can be exacerbated in the first months of school. If this is a fidget, then it is possible that forty-five minutes is hard labor for him (by God, I don’t know what to do here, but somehow it is necessary to fight). And draw the appropriate conclusions. And then - go for it!

Yulia Alexandrova