First date: rules for an interesting conversation

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Question to the editor of "Cleo":

Alena, 28 years old

Becoming a good conversationalist is easy if you keep a few key points in mind.

First, people love to talk about themselves. If you show even a little interest in what your counterpart is talking about, there will be no problems with communication in the future. Listening is the most important part of a conversation, and it's helpful not to forget about it. Ask him about how he spends his free time, about his environment, ask where he grew up - and just listen carefully to his answers. Do it lightly and naturally: ask a question about the funniest or weirdest date that was in his life, ask what films he likes to watch. Such seemingly non-binding questions give naturalness and ease to communication, and the answers can tell a lot about the human qualities of your chosen one.

Questions to casually ask on a first date

Agree, there are many things that you would like to know about your new boyfriend on the first date, but you are unlikely to dare to ask about them. There are several "soft" trick questions with which you can get the information you are interested in. Here they are:

1. How do you usually spend your weekend?

He will tell you what you have to do with him if you become a couple. And he will tell you how you can "buy" it if you already like it a lot. To do this, listen to the answer and say And break the topic.

2. If there was an opportunity to move to any place, where would you settle?

The choice of the interlocutor will reveal his preferences and prejudices. You can also find out how close your priorities are. (For example, it may turn out that both of you have long dreamed of moving from a big city to the suburbs or moving to another country).

3. Do you often see your family?

The answer will be about his attitude to family values. How important is family to him, how does he relate to loved ones? It is useful to know who your potential lover is in your soul - a lone ranger, a born family man or a mama's son.

4. What do you like best about your job?

If you ask a common question: most likely the answer will be short and vague, something like: To really determine how passionate he is about his career, it will be enough to observe with what enthusiasm (or not) he talks about what he loves in their profession.

5. What's your favorite joke?

From the outside, this may seem like a blunt request, and perhaps the interlocutor will decide that you are thus clumsily trying to “melt the ice”. In fact, you can understand from his answer how close his sense of humor is to yours. Will he be able to easily make you laugh or will this request confuse him? What if his jokes strike you as completely stupid, too vulgar, or not at all funny? This is important because people who are otherwise comfortable with each other tend to have the same sense of humor.

How to transform boring small talk into heart-to-heart talk

Many first dates are boring to the point of yawning. Because each of you operates with a standard set of phrases, both of you diligently try not to offend the interlocutor by accident with a careless word and easily agree with what you would have rejected in another situation. If only to maintain a friendly atmosphere of the meeting! In the end, you sometimes even find it difficult to say whether you liked your new boyfriend, because God knows how long you talked … about nothing!

Renowned American psychologist Dan Ariely studied this phenomenon:

The psychologist makes such conclusions based on the analysis of messages posted on dating sites: if you go there, you will immediately notice that most people write something standard about their studies, work, hobbies, and so on.

Somehow, the researchers decided to conduct an experiment and limited the participants of online dating to only provocative questions from a pre-prepared list, requiring specific honest answers from the interlocutor. For example, such as: or It turned out that "indecent" topics greatly enlivened the conversation, allowing people to talk about their experiences, joys and fears, instead of discussing the weather outside the window or culinary preferences.

Arieli advises using the "provocation" method to liven things up on the first date. But it is not so easy to follow his advice. After all, most likely, by talking about sex on the first date, you will appear to the interlocutor, to put it mildly, tactless. Few people like the "interrogation" about things that are usually told only to the closest people. Therefore, you should still find a middle ground. That is, talk not about boring things, but about what really worries your counterpart. Without crossing the boundaries of decency. Here's how you can do it:

1. Summarize what he said and ask a valid question

For example: This approach shows your interest in the person.

2. Find an opportunity to ask instead.

It is necessary to put questions so that the person focuses more on his inner motives and motives, can tell an interesting story instead of telling a dry fact. For example, the question is: preferable to.

3. Underline the contradictions

To get a spark, sometimes you need to arrange a "short circuit". After all, Arieli is right: if we want the date to go off "without a hitch," then we get unremarkable, boring gatherings. Discussing something that surprised you in the other person can help you to stray from routine small talk. For example, a remark: it can push the interlocutor to interesting explanations.

4. Do something unusual on your date!

Static sitting opposite each other at a table in a restaurant or bar naturally limits conversation topics to food, drinks, and the weather outside the window. Why not change the unspoken laws of the first date and go for a walk to some amusement park, zoo, oceanarium or museum instead of catering? This will provide you with an easier path to a meaningful and interesting conversation for both of you.