How to stop falling in love with bad guys

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

He is charismatic, charming, his smile melts the girls, the soul of the company, the idol of his friends … He sometimes does not spend the night at home, he is rude, he can hit. He never thinks about anyone but himself, he is capricious and erratic, that he is cheating, everyone knows … He is a typical "bad boy", but this is what attracts a certain type of women, and they endure all humiliation and rudeness just to stay close …

Sometimes women come with a question: how to get rid of attachment to such bad boys »And learn to love worthy, faithful and ready to create families men? After all, they are nearby, but women seem boring, insipid and do not excite in bed. The answer, as always, is in the woman herself. I'll start with a story.

So, Sophia had a whole bunch of reasons to choose the bad guys, and in fact one would be enough. Let's study each one.

Making love

A woman most often chooses a "bad boy" when she has a conviction: nothing can be obtained just like that. This is a direct consequence of the practice of conditional love in childhood. When an ordinary guy begins to look after such a girl, he is ready to give her a lot just for what she is. And it is precisely in this that the threat lurks for her: what will have to be paid for it? And when? And how big will such a fee be? That she can be loved for her herself, she does not even think. And he constantly expects a catch - betrayal, lies, humiliation. And the fewer reasons a young man gives for suspicion, the worse it is: if there is no humiliation now, then what huge "bill" will he bill her years later, for example? In the case of the "bad guy", the payback is always there, it can be appreciated, and it seems feasible. The balance is maintained, the situation seems fair to the girl.

Ship riot

Long years of prohibitions, restrictions, impossibility to "hooligan", to release energy, which is especially abundant during puberty, lead to the fact that you want to go all out. And the object is selected according to the compensatory principle: if only not the same as imposed by the parents. And parents most often impose trustworthy "nerds" who can sometimes be interesting interlocutors, good partners.

But when hormones are raging in the blood, the girl wants to experience passion, vivid love, “let off steam” with someone violent, bright, forbidden.

Feelings free

The following moment also plays a role: in families where the expression of emotions was considered "unworthy of a thinking person", any manifestations of feelings were suppressed, the girl develops an emotional hunger, which can only be satisfied by strong passions. A person who suppresses emotions for a long time gets used to practically not notice them over the years. But on an unconscious level, the need to experience strong sensations does not go anywhere, but only accumulates over the years. And only a strong shake-up can bring emotionality to life. Which is exactly what happens with the "bad guys" with whom nothing can be predicted - whether he will come home today, and if he does, then in what form, and whether there will be a scandal, etc. Sometimes girls, without realizing this, love such men precisely because they allow them to feel alive, that is, to experience, and to experience openly.

Poor me, unhappy

How not to regret the one who is beaten by her husband? How not to sympathize with the one who is being cheated on? This is another serious nuance: being in the position of the victim, the girl receives a lot of attention and empathy that were previously inaccessible to her because of the clearly regulated portions of love in the family and because of the parental prohibition on open expression of feelings.

Stop being passive

It is difficult to give clear advice in one article on what to do with such attachment to the "bad boys", in each case it is an individual work with a person. But first of all, it is worth realizing what factors in your life played a negative role, and reconsidering a number of your own beliefs. Can't you really be loved just for being? And is it really necessary to have a serious shake-up for emotions to appear?

It is worth considering this: girls who are inclined to love "bad guys" most often expect ready-made solutions from a man: "he will come and conquer, and I will only have to follow him." But behind this is self-doubt and sometimes even an open unwillingness to invest something in another person. After all, a "fresh botanist", for example, can be helped to reveal his sexuality. And from a woman in a relationship, initiative is also required. Therefore, if next to you there is a “good boy” attractive to you who is ready to become a husband and father, you should try to help him open up, and not wait for him to do everything himself. Relationships are the work of two, and each has to do their part.

"Bad boy" - to some extent, a screen that allows a girl to be passive, not to invest in relationships, but only to “digest” what is coming. Who will you become in your life - a builder or someone with whom life just happens, you decide.