You are like a widow and I am like a bachelor

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

You are in the position of madam - find a way out, Something reliable and simple.

And we will disperse without mutual benefits

You are like a widow, and I am like a bachelor.

Konstantin Arbenin

From time immemorial, civil marriage was considered a relationship that was not illuminated by the sacrament of a wedding. Time has passed, morals have changed, and the usual term"

I was interested in the opinions of those who live with their partners without formalities or adhere to such a position. Here are the answers I heard from passers-by on the street:

- This form of marriage is very convenient, without a stamp in the passport, without any responsibility, duties, rights. I tried it, I liked it.

- I am for civil marriage, people have now become with complex characters, it is better to get to know each other first, there are fewer complications with divorce. It's much easier that way.

- We thought that we would get to know each other better, living in a civil marriage, but, having got to know each other well, did not want to continue living together, we parted.

- We have been living in a civil marriage for many years, everything is fine. I lived in the usual, I had enough. You can't hold a person with a stamp anyway, it must be conscious.

- The most difficult thing for me is the state of "social inferiority": I am both a wife and not a wife. Some men see this as an indicator of my availability. It is very difficult with parents. They do not believe in our relationship and constantly conduct “preventive” conversations with me. I think that if we went to the registry office, everything would be different, and my friends would not call me "straw wife".

- I want to get married, I'm tired of this civil marriage. All the time I get lost when I call him at work, and they ask me who is calling (what to say: wife, lover, friend of life?), I feel somehow flawed in comparison with married friends. And so you want a wedding, a dress, a veil, a ring. Moreover, when strangers become attached, if I say that I am married, they say: you are cheating because there is no ring. Tired of it all.

- Yes, all this is nonsense, stupidity. If people are afraid to sign papers, it means that all this is frivolous, for men it is very convenient, and you cannot keep them even with children.

- If people love, then they need to trust each other. I believe that civil marriage corrupts people, they easily go to different acquaintances, sexual relations, do not value each other.

- In principle, now the concept of civil marriage is fashionable and modern, but I myself know that if my passport had a stamp, I would treat everything differently, more responsibly, more seriously.

Who needs the notorious seal?

But no matter how “modern” the concept of civil marriage may be, an experiment with such an eternal value as a family is still extravagant and frivolous for public opinion.

Previously, it was called the shameful word "cohabitation", now "civil marriage" is not only relevant, but also fashionable, and many young couples do not start a legal life together without trying their relationship for everyday strength. But, nevertheless, people in a civil marriage are deprived of a certain social status, they do not have a sense of the seriousness of the relationship, the strength of their position and psychological comfort.

The reasons for not registering their relationship are different for men and women. For a man, this is an opportunity to avoid unnecessary responsibility. In a woman, this is most often a reluctance to lose a man. She loves him and is afraid to insist on formalizing the relationship, thus submitting to his will. "Spouses" convince others (and, first of all, themselves) that the main thing is feelings, and formalities will not go anywhere. Leaving his way back, a man may not realize that such a situation for a woman is very traumatic from a psychological point of view. Indeed, even with ideal relationships in such a family, a woman, albeit subconsciously, is afraid to be left alone much more than it would be in a family recognized by the state. Intellectually, she understands that a stamp in a passport, a change of surname, the birth of a child and other attributes of a "normal" family will not be able to keep a man in the event of a breakup, but she still wants stability.

And this is not only a psychological problem. On the legal side, there are also difficulties at the moment when the couple decides to leave. And in this case, such, at first glance, smallness, like a stamp in a passport, protects the property and other rights of spouses and their children. This notorious "meaningless" stamp actually means a lot. Registration of marriage in the registry office determines the rights and obligations of each family member. After all, if - (God forbid) - a civil "husband" gets hit by a car, the wife will not be able to keep anything for herself, not even his photograph as a souvenir, because all the jointly acquired property will go to his official relatives. And it will be possible to prove her rights only by court. Therefore, a civil marriage is always a risk, it often resembles some kind of perverted, defective form of family relations. Outwardly, everything seems to look like in an ordinary family. Two people - a man and a woman - live together, run a household. And sometimes they even have children. There is only one difference: their relationship is not officially registered. But if a person loves another, he wants to provide him with social and material security.

An interesting fact: according to the results of the polls, 92 percent of the women surveyed write in various questionnaires that they are "married", while 85 percent of men consider themselves "single".

As it turned out, the number of "unregistered unions" is growing. But at the same time, the number of abortions, "civilian" children and single mothers is growing. It is also a well-known fact that "unofficial spouses" more often use alcohol and drugs, suffer from sexually transmitted diseases, and get involved in criminal cases. Apparently, the violation of the laws - both spiritual, established by God himself about the family, and state ones - does not come cheap to lovers of "free love".

Another opinion

This is what those who deny the position of civil marriage have to say.

- Civil marriage is a game with the family, and games usually end. This is something so far-fetched, not real, "for fun", as if pretending to be a husband and wife, even having a common household, children. I believe that this is a denial of responsibility that people do not want to take on.

- I have a negative attitude towards civil marriage. People are not responsible for their companion. At any moment you can turn around, leave, no one owes anything to anyone and does not owe anything. If there is no marriage covenant, no matter how good the intentions of people are, still normal relations, as in an ordinary family, do not work. Conditions are different.

- When you live in a civil marriage, it feels like the person you live with is not yours, does not belong to you to the end.

- Marriage is a covenant, at the conclusion of which a person promises to his chosen one in the presence of relatives, friends, before the state and God, to keep faithfulness and love until his death. And this promise should not be based on feelings. In a civil marriage, people avoid these promises, because they are not completely sure of each other, in constancy, that this is forever.

- I myself have lived in a civil marriage for several years, and I can say one thing: the longer this continues, the lower the likelihood that registration will occur. In a civil marriage, people have a certain feeling of temporality, frivolity of relations, however, like much in a person's life: temporary work, temporary friends. And if cheating or something else happens in the family, the husband or wife (unofficial) just pack up and leave.

Civil marriage rarely becomes official, because subconsciously a person perceives such a relationship as a "draft", which is characterized by many mistakes, blots and blots. And the "draft" is usually sent to the trash can to make way for a new sheet of paper on which the final destiny is written, where there is room for a lilac stamp.