Vibrator reviews

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

"In this life, you need to try everything," I said to myself, ordering a vibrator on the Internet. After all, I am a grown girl and myself responsible for my orgasm. I imagined how I would do "techno-masturbation" with him when my man leaves for another business trip. Are you in Peter, dear? Bon voyage, darling. And she herself to Mars, to discover a new planet in the universe of her sexuality …

The vibrator arrived on Tuesday. Straight to work. What can I do, I'm an adult girl, on weekdays I work. And the sex shop, like any civilian store, is open every day from 10 to 19, except Saturday and Sunday. In general, this is a little silly, after all, people are puzzled by the problems of their … uh-uh … sexual leisure either in the evenings or on weekends, in short breaks between work and good sleep. No, of course, there are extreme people who do THIS in the midst of their own working day, especially if there is: a lockable cabinet; the object of sudden passion, he is also a colleague. Or housewives performing their conjugal duty without leaving the embrace of Morpheus. From the series "Darling, cutlets in the refrigerator, borscht on the stove, let's have sex - don't wake up". It's not about them. The average majority indulge in passion after all in their free time from work … That's when they need toys from a sex shop.

So, Tuesday: the courier arrives, they call me at the reception. The boy turned out to be quick-witted and did not shout to the whole office: "Girl, girl, here is your vibrator, as you asked with a nozzle for stimulating the clitoris, let me show you how it works." He silently handed me something in a box, wrapped in wrapping paper, very similar to the one in which doctor's sausage was wrapped in a grocery store in Soviet times. Silently he took the money, turned around and left. Hmm, can he be deaf and dumb? Maybe this is such a marketing ploy? Say, look how tactful we are, and when ordering a pump for penis enlargement or panties with a hole in the bottom from us, be sure that our courier will not embarrass you with an inappropriate question. One way or another, in the near future several unexpected discoveries awaited me …

First discovery: he is inanimate

Of course, no one expected the vibrator to kiss my forehead or make coffee in the morning, but not to the same extent. Taking it in hand, I thought about anything but sex. That he is so all … um … flexible, that they just want to crack on something, well, for example, with all their strength on the table, or beat nuts, beat meat. Or it would be very funny to use two of these instead of drumsticks. Hee-hee … After trying to distract myself from such unerotic fantasies, I began to think about all the tenderness that occurs between sexually mature individuals of the opposite sex. And in order to strengthen my intentions, I have included a corresponding film.

Second discovery: he is cold

And I am a very sensitive girl, for me a condom is already a test, from which I rarely emerge victorious. In other words, do you want to know how artistically I simulate an orgasm? Have sex with me in a condom. And here it is … Silicone, pink, like a toy from a Barbie house, only oh-oh-oh-very large … I remembered that the annotation to the device says that a vibrator was made of a special material from which clothes for American astronauts are made, cyber silicone called. They promised that it keeps warm and … that … is indistinguishable from the present. This is true! Considering that the vibrator is cold, it retains its heat perfectly. Or maybe, before use, you need to blow on it, warm it in your hands, pour boiling water over it? It is necessary to warn!

Third discovery: it's big

Here, of course, I myself am to blame. Eyes flared up. Oh-oh-oh, 20 cm, the dream of any girl, even the one who believes that size is not important. I also believe that size in sex is a secondary issue, but here it is another matter, here you will not be kissed on the forehead or stroked on the back. The bare facts remain: 20 cm in length and 5 centimeters in diameter. In general, the problem number of times: to make it enter you, and this is really a problem. Problem number two: step back from thoughts about the feelings of a 14-year-old virgin who became the victim of a rapist with a huge dick, and tune in to thoughts of pleasure. It's nice, nice, nice … Long live auto-training!

Discovery four: he's noisy

It is obscenely noisy! In terms of the intensity of the buzz, it will give odds not only to the epilator, but also to the vacuum cleaner. And, most importantly, it buzzes so disgustingly, as if mocking: well, well, come on, let's see how you do it with such a soundtrack.

Fifth discovery: he is uncomfortable

You hold it with your hand … Neither you can relax, nor lie down more comfortably. Although if we consider this change of poses, where one is more constrained than the other, as exercise, then why not, voila, a new kind - fitness erotica. Considering that you yourself are in charge of the process, the sensations are as if you are subjecting yourself to some kind of medical procedure, as if you are doing an enema: inserted, waited, pulled out. Only to another place. I wonder why such associations do not arise during masturbation? Maybe because your hands don't rattle?

Discovery six: it's for real sex

That is, if the vibrator is "included" the third in a love game between a man and a woman, then it becomes not even superfluous. Imagine morning. Doorbell. On the doorstep, he is my macho. "It was raining in St. Petersburg. Oh, what is that lying on your table? What? A vibrator?" Then everything is like in a porn film.

He, she and the little pink gadget. It is strange that if there is a man next to you, to whom you are drawn like a plug to an outlet, then somehow neither the sound of a working vibrator, nor its size, nor color will bother you. "Do you want to see how I indulged in them in your absence? Oh-oh-oh, we spent a lot of pleasant minutes (ha-ha, no matter how it is!) While you were away … And why did I decide that you will against him?" Well, of course, I thought that you would think that I was missing something, but you didn’t think anything like that.

Because it is foolish to think that men perceive a vibrator as a "rival" or rattling, 20-centimeter lesson in their sexual skills. Well, really, what kind of rival is he! He will not kiss on the forehead, will not brew coffee, nor will he stroke the back. But which one is an addition to the "compulsory program" … Mmm …