Family games

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Every day you come home tired with a naive hope that today your sweetheart will finally meet you not with indifferent silence or dissatisfied word, but with tenderness and affection. And also preferably a ready-made dinner and a hot bath. But every day you realize more and more that your relationship leaves much to be desired. Now what? "Divorce, slippers by mail"?

No, as long as there is an opportunity to save the relationship, it is worth trying to do it. But how? How many times have you been going to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, but the conversation somehow did not go well, and sometimes escalated into a major quarrel. Just for such situations, psychologists have developed role-playing games that will help you understand yourself and "cure" your relationship from boredom and depression.

Mosaic of images. Sit opposite each other. Take a very close look at your partner, close your eyes and try to recreate his image. All kinds of thoughts may come to your mind: "What a disgusting haircut he has … I like his eyes. I don't like the color of his trousers at all … He has such an angry look. How good is a smile for him!" These thought-characteristics will help you understand how well you know each other, to what you react negatively, and to what positively. Share your feelings with each other. How easily you speak is already a testament to a lot. If you find it difficult to express what you like and what - not, try writing it on pieces of paper and exchange them.

Psychologist's advice. Write the cons of the partner first, then the pros. The irritation that appeared at the beginning will then be extinguished by positive emotions, and it will be much easier to discuss these lists.

Moving in space. Distance and location during communication are important factors for mutual understanding. Let's say your man is buried in a book, and you are cooking something behind his back in the kitchen and ask: "Did you subscribe to the newspaper?" He, not fully understanding the meaning, but not wanting to anger you, answers in the affirmative: "Yes, dear." A week later, it turns out that the subscription has not been completed …

To calculate the optimal communication distance and positioning efficiency, try the following game. One stands, the other sits at the partner's feet and constantly looks at him, his head thrown back. Talk to each other in this position, for example, about your upcoming vacation. How did you feel? Switch places and discuss the same problem again. Now stand up and repeat the conversation "on the same level". Compare your feelings.

Psychologist's advice. The distance necessary for effective communication should not exceed 90 centimeters, and the intimate zone is 30 centimeters, so if you want your loved one to understand you as best as possible, tell him your wishes, hugging him, that is, reducing the distance between you to a minimum …

Offensive criticism. We often cannot convey the essence of dissatisfaction, because instead of talking about our feelings about the behavior of another person, we say that he is bad, because he does something bad to us. This game will help you learn how to formulate your comments without offending their addressee.

Let's say your husband came home from work very tired and hungry, and you were at home all day and did not have time to cook dinner. He is angry: "You are a disgusting hostess. Really it was impossible to cook food for the whole day!" In response to accusations, you defend yourself and criticize your spouse. A quarrel ensues, and dinner is no longer to be seen. However, his goal was different - to evoke sympathy and remorse in you for making your beloved husband suffer from hunger. Most importantly, he just wanted to speed up the process of making dinner. To do this, it is best for him to talk about himself, to express what he feels: "You know, dear, I am terribly hungry. It even darkens in my eyes. I am so upset. I walked home and dreamed that I would be greeted by breathtaking smells and served table, but I was wrong."

Try to solve several difficult situations in the same way. Play around by staging different stories from your life. Discuss how your relationship is changing when you talk about your feelings instead of judging others.

Psychologist's advice. As you become a habit of non-judgmental communication, you will notice how much more trusting your relationship has become.

Search for meaning. Often, disagreements arise when people misinterpret each other's words, not knowing how to listen to the meaning of what was said. The usual dialogue: "Well, how was your day? - Nothing special" - can mean anything. "I'm tired and now I'm glad you're here with me. Are you glad?" Or: "I really care about how you are doing, tell me about it."

To learn how to hear and be heard, play around. Sit opposite each other. Say how you feel, for example, "I'm very hot." In response, the partner should clarify the meaning of what he heard, clarify whether he understood you correctly. The goal of the game is to achieve agreement three times, that is, to correctly understand what has been said three times. Make guesses about your experiences, thoughts, feelings, changing roles.

Psychologist's advice. This game is very useful both for those who have been married for a long time, and for those who are just building relationships. It is best if you manage to introduce a "family tradition" to play a similar game once a month. Your rapport will improve so much that you can begin to feel each other even from a distance.

Mirror. For this game, stock up on a video camera. Turn it on and, standing or sitting opposite your beloved, repeat his movements for five minutes, while trying to understand his feelings and state. Then another one "mirrors" the first one. After reviewing the footage together, discuss the result.

Analyze what worked and what didn't. Did you manage to feel each other's state? If the game is successful, everyone experiences a pleasant sense of togetherness. Perhaps the first experience will be unsuccessful - it's okay, try again.

Psychologist's advice. The most important thing is not just to copy a person's movements in space, but to understand his feelings, his emotions. Then later, during the showdown, you will learn to feel each other's emotions as your own and will not hurt each other once again with harsh words.

The contract. Often times, disagreements arise over the norms that govern our lives with a partner, either publicly or privately. To clarify them, play this game. Imagine that you both need to enter into a mutually beneficial contract for a specific period. What conditions do you want to fit into it?

An approximate "questionnaire" might look like this: which of you is responsible for housekeeping, raising children? How do you spend your money? How do you spend your free time? Who is responsible for receiving guests, entertainment? How many of you work? How does your family deal with sexual issues (frequency, timing, diversity, initiative)? What about nutritional problems? When you go to bed? How long is the contract valid?

Such contracts are useful not only for newlyweds, but also for those who have been married for a long time. Our tastes and habits change, and what we liked about 5 years ago can now be annoying. Update your "contracts".

Psychologist's advice. Identify specific habits that can cause mutual irritation (for example, fresh air in the bedroom, no noise after 11pm, smoking, exercising).

Role exchange. One inventive toddler himself discovered a way of playful interaction with parents who pestered him with their remarks. He suffered all the time, because his mother constantly tugged at him: "Don't shuffle your legs, don't slouch, straighten your back, don't run fast, eat more carefully, don't scratch your plate, don't chomp …"

In the evening, after waiting for Mom to go to the bathroom, he put on her nightgown, put her glasses on her nose, picked up the book she was reading, and got ready. When she came out of the bathroom, he, with the air of a school teacher, imitating the intonations of his mother, said: "Don't shuffle, don't slouch, don't chomp …" Both burst out laughing. Since then, mother began to control not so much her son as herself.

The best way to get rid of complaints and complaints is to get your partner to look at themselves from the outside in a slightly more grotesque guise than they really are.

Psychologist's advice. Try to alternately reincarnate into each other, perhaps exaggerating the behavior a little. Humor will only benefit.

Each of us needs to feel needed, loved, to know that he is appreciated. However, we are often rather stingy with praise and approval. Sit opposite each other and take turns saying everything for which you value and love each other, what you like, what delights. And then you will probably think much less about the breakup. Or maybe you will forget about him forever.