5 tricks for communicating with your mother-in-law

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Is your mother-in-law not perfect, to put it mildly? Well, it's a common problem. Many wives have to choose a strategy of behavior: agree in everything, swallow grievances or constantly fight. But the most effective method of solving the problem, as always, is female wisdom! We offer several instructions and rules for surviving with your husband's mother - 5 tricks in communicating with the mother-in-law.

1. If the mother-in-law teaches to raise children

If, with the advent of her grandson, the mother-in-law decides to prove herself an expert in upbringing (she raised two herself!), Get ready for endless advice. Here are some secrets in communicating with her.

Elena, mother of Sasha (9 months) and Seryozha (5 years), says:

- The mother-in-law constantly finds fault with me: either she didn't put on the baby's cap (and this is in the summer heat), then diapers cannot be used so often. And when Seryozha fell ill, she gave instructions from a series of "spread garlic all over the room" and brought some infusions cooked according to recipes from television shows. I try to be a strict mother, and my mother-in-law pampers Seryozha, brings sweets - it turns out that my mother is bad, and my grandmother is good.

Family psychologist Natalya Poltotskaya comments:

- In many cases, the mother-in-law takes on the parental mission instead of the grandmother's functions. This is often due to the fact that she just wants to feel needed. In this case, it is important to make it clear to the mother-in-law that only the child's parents can decide what he needs and how to raise him correctly.

It is not worth hushing up the problem, as well as asking for trouble, the psychologist believes. Better to use a feminine trick:

• let the mother-in-law express her opinion (in some cases it is useful), and you listen and do it in your own way;
• try less often to deal with issues of raising a child in front of your grandmother - so she will have fewer reasons to find fault;
• call your mother-in-law more often, ask her advice on occasion: how would she act in a given situation - this is how the grandmother will feel useful;
• limit the time the mother-in-law spends with her grandson under “practical” pretexts: for example, the child needs to develop speech and communicate more often with peers.

Which daughter-in-law does not love a mother-in-law

No matter how far you live from your mother-in-law, rare meetings cannot be avoided. And much more depends on how they pass than you might imagine. And what can we say about those families where the spouse's mother is a frequent visitor or a full-fledged resident? In this case, the daughter-in-law should be especially careful not to make typical mistakes, because of which family happiness can collapse overnight. Read more

2. If the mother-in-law teaches how to farm

If the mother-in-law is convinced that her borsch is the tastiest, and you can only be entrusted with boiling eggs, then the gifts for your beloved son can grow into a permanent ration. It would be psychologically correct not to get into a pose, but to look at the situation from three points of view: one's own, the mother-in-law, and the neutral side. This will allow you to understand whether your view is really unbiased (a woman, for example, usually perceives the same advice from her mother more calmly), and will help to change the attitude towards the problem.

• Periodically consult with your mother-in-law in matters of housekeeping: this will raise the authority of the mother-in-law and make her understand that you have no desire to fight with her.
• Ask the mother-in-law what dishes her son likes and dislikes, ask for a recipe.
• When you are visiting your mother-in-law, try to offer her your help with the housework: somewhere you can cheat and say that something is not working out for you - let her show you how to do it “right”.

Irina says:

- I was annoyed that my mother-in-law tells me how to cook, but the psychologist suggested that I look at it differently - she considers her experience useful. Then I decided to use her zeal for good: I do not like to roll cucumbers and tomatoes, but she just loves - I directed her efforts in this direction, there she can show skill.

3. If the mother-in-law "presses" on her son

Even a strong man can melt if his mother asks him for something. And if she let a tear go - write it was gone. An extreme case occurs when the mother-in-law turns her son against his wife: “Since you got married, I have been all on my nerves, I am constantly feeling bad,” and so on. It is important not to oppose yourself to his mother, making statements: "Either I, or she!" - there shouldn't be such a choice. Often a mother cannot tear herself away from her son, because when he leaves home, she has nothing to fill her life with. In this situation, a lot depends on the man himself: he must clearly make it clear to the mother that he has his own family.

• Try to understand what attracts a husband to his mother so much: perhaps he lacks the usual care or a delicious dinner, which is why he loves to visit his parents so much.
• Never complain to your husband about his mother. Try together to think about how you can make your grandmother's life more interesting: for example, give her a tablet - let her discuss her favorite greenhouses with other grandmothers in a gardening forum.
• Ask your mother-in-law about the traditions of your husband's family and try to implement at least some of them.
• Do not indulge your husband's desire to spend all the holidays with mom.

4. If the mother-in-law visits you too often

The hardest thing is for those who live with their mother-in-law in the same house, although some grandmothers regularly perform the feat of crossing the city space, just to feed their grandchildren with pies. And if it starts: “I feel bad alone, maybe I should move to you?”, Then it is worth sounding the alarm.

Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion: a young family should live separately. It is necessary to carefully set the boundaries without using aggression and accusations. It is easier to prevent a mother-in-law from settling in your nest than to evict her from there later, therefore:

• avoid frequent gatherings in your apartment, otherwise the mother-in-law will visit you more often; when visiting your mother-in-law, compliment her home;
• call your grandmother on the phone more often - just talk, ask for advice: it is easier to keep courtesy at a distance;
• give your mother-in-law a ticket to the theater so that she has something to do in the evenings and weekends;
• if the threat of the mother-in-law's move is imminent, you can start repairs and prepare combat scenery in case of her arrival: arrange buckets, spread brushes.

5. What can and cannot be told to mother-in-law

• Phrases from the series "Do you know what your son did?" sound like a reproach for the wrong upbringing of the son.
• If the mother-in-law wants to do something that does not suit you, use expressions that indicate your feelings in relation to the situation: "It will be difficult for me to go there, since it is harmful for my health to be constantly in the sun …"
• You should not use phrases in which there is a deliberate prejudice towards the mother-in-law: “My mother told me that it will be so!”, “All of them, mama's sons, are like that!”

Read also: The ideal girl from the point of view of his mom

Mother-in-law is an eternal and painful topic, and 5 tricks in communicating with her can help in any situation. Recently married friends share revelations in the spirit of "I expected that the mother-in-law would not be sugar, but not to the same extent!" We all know what an ideal mother-in-law should be - smart, kind and living on another continent. But what do they expect from us? What ideal daughters-in-law do our future and present mother-in-law dream about? We asked the ladies themselves and asked a psychologist to comment.