When you were abandoned

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

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The wildest thoughts come to mind. "Having run away, jump off a cliff", as it is sung in a famous song, so that he finally realizes whom he has lost is not an option. Closing in your room and crying over photographs is also. I suggest that you undergo a "course of treatment" of four weeks, because the first month after the loss of love is the most difficult. And then - do it yourself!

First week. It just needs to be experienced.

1. Cry. Holding back is stupid. You have every right to cry into your pillow, feel sorry for yourself, hate him and throw away the postcards in which he confessed his love. A little valerian and - without thoughts and without energy - sleep.

2. You can't be alone for long now. Share your grief with your mom, if you have a trusting relationship. She will find the right words to calm you down. Just do not expect from her an impartial assessment of what happened, especially if she herself recently divorced your dad.

3. Oddly enough, now the best friend is the one who is even worse than you. There is a wonderful phrase: "And from the thought that Sidor is also bad, Ivan suddenly felt good." But an absolutely happy friend, whom her boyfriend throws flowers and gifts every day, can bring you to depression. Against her background, you can easily feel like a failure. This is not the case. But for a friend who is even worse than you, it is advisable to be optimistic by nature. Then she will say: "Spit and forget," - and together you will begin to think about how to learn to live happily ever after without your former lovers.

4. Don't get drunk. You can't get drunk and forget yourself. Firstly, as you pour alcohol into yourself, you will more and more think and worry about what you were just about to forget, and, secondly, in the morning you will have no time for anyone and nothing, but it is also very sad.

Second week. Be philosophical about what happened.

1. Go to the video rental. Just do not take to watch a melodrama where everything ends with a wedding. Better take a cartoon, something like "Monsters, Inc." or "Ice Age". And while eating ice cream, follow the uncomplicated plot. You might even smile. After all, now your every smile is a small victory in the fight against melancholy.

2. Dress in light. Set aside dark-colored items until your mood returns to normal. Peach, cream, pink, "green apple" - these are the most "correct" colors for you now. Avoid red. It tends to enhance the emotional state in which you are at the moment. The joyful makes you even more joyful, and the gloomy - you yourself understand …

3. Read good books about love, about human relationships: Remarque, Hemingway, Moravia, Kundera, Coelho. For example, I was once helped out and helped to look at life differently by "The French Lieutenant's Woman" John Fowles. At the very end of this book, literally in the last paragraph, the idea of what life is and how to experience what seems to be impossible is remarkably revealed.

4. Stop crying. Understand that you are not crying for him, but for that part of your soul that you gave to him. And stop reading books with all sorts of spells like: "Conjure grandma, conjure grandfather." Even if he magically comes to you again, that tangle of painful problems and misunderstandings that you could not unravel on the eve of the breakup will return with him. And again he will leave you, and it will be even harder.

Third week. Don't be stupid.

1. Even if it seems to you that he still feels something for you, do not call "because you forgot my handkerchief", do not adjust random meetings - all this is sewn with white threads. Better to "lay down on the bottom", let him know nothing at all about where you are and with whom. And after two or three months you can "accidentally" get caught. Then you will not cause on his part a wild desire to hide or mimic against the background of the crowd.

2. I won't be surprised if you have a wild desire to take revenge on him: to stab the tires of his car with a nail, to pour dog poop into his mailbox … It's tempting. Especially if at the end of your relationship he behaved like a pig. But it's dangerous. 99% that you will be exposed. Do you want it? Then limit yourself to shredding his photographs and then flushing the pieces down the toilet.

3. Some psychologists advise taking up some extreme sport so that new experiences overshadow the pain of losing love. For example, skydiving or rock climbing. But if you're afraid of heights, or you just don't like all these jumps, peaks, snowboarding and windsurfing, then why rape yourself? If you have always been a lover of a quiet pastime, then you just have to sign up for a pool for water aerobics or a waltz club - and this for your wounded heart will be even better than a parachute jump.

4. How long have you wanted to get a cat or a dog? Do it now! The animal will require constant attention to itself, but will love you only because you care about it. But don't start the fish. They dispose to melancholy, at best - to calmness from the vanity of life, and your life is not boiling anyway, loneliness, you know …

Fourth week. Left just a little bit.

1. Do not rush headlong into entertainment and new romances. Don't give hope to the guy who was gluing to you six months ago, but you were busy. Don't make him an instrument of revenge, does he deserve it?

2. If you broke up because you offended him very much, you should not look for a meeting with him and ask for forgiveness. Most likely, it is not a single resentment, but the feeling that has accumulated in his soul that you are not suitable for each other. And it is useless to prove that you are good - he made a decision a long time ago.

3. If you happen to meet him on the street or at a friend's house, do not run past him, as if you don’t know him, but don’t look faithfully in the eyes in the hope that he will change his mind and love you again. Behave with dignity and restraint, no matter what the cost. Perhaps, seeing your Olympic calmness and benevolent attitude, he will understand that you are not such an open book, which he has long considered to be read …

4. Do not refuse invitations to visit, even if you want to sit alone in your room to the music of "Enigma". I'm not making you look for another boyfriend. Just look at new people, take part in the conversation, expand. Together with a friend, you can arrange a cultural program for the weekend: in the daytime you can visit several museums that you have not been to since childhood (there are cheap ticket prices, and there are a lot of impressions), and in the evening you can look into some club and dance for an hour. You will see, the mood will improve!

True love cannot be forgotten. But living your past, for months and years, mourning the one who did not need you is the way to nowhere. Unhappy love should not become a seal on your entire destiny. Try to transform it into an invaluable life experience, which "the son of difficult mistakes and paradoxes is a friend." And remember - whatever happens is for the best.