Jealousy: what if it seemed?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Jealousy is too often the cause of quarrels, scandals, screams and tantrums. At the same time, the jealous one shows himself from the negative side, laying out all his disadvantages to the partner. It turns off even a loving partner. The first thing he wants is trust. And jealousy is born precisely because of a lack of trust, understanding, self-doubt and too much baggage of complexes. Even rare "outbursts" breed indifference in a relationship.

I propose to figure out what to do if you cringe from a banal friendly phrase thrown to him by a neighbor, politeness to another woman, or a call from an unknown number.

Claims, ultimatums, insults, tantrums will definitely not work here. And in general: losing your self-control, you also lose your dignity in the eyes of a man. So how to control yourself and manage jealousy?

Not your property

Realize that a man is not your property. Not a pet, not a gadget, not a piece of furniture. Yes, the other half. But a priori cannot belong to anyone. Yes, you swore in love, promised to the grave. But let's be frank. An impressive number of marriages fall apart due to unreasonable jealousy. Give your beloved man freedom. Stop following him on social networks, checking his pockets. Enough.

First of all, you torture yourself and waste energy on all sorts of nonsense.

A normal man also wants to love one woman. Trust him in this. And stop reflecting. The partner will feel that there is no previous painful attachment, there are no tantrums. Yes, he'll love it at first. By itself. You can breathe in calmly. But after a while he will also think about it.

Why are you behaving differently? Don't you love anymore? Feelings began to fade? Who has appeared for you? Maybe parting is not far off?

Here, interest and the desire to get a woman in love again will be added to everything. It flatters self-esteem, gives you the opportunity to assert yourself. And relax.

That is why those who leave out of jealousy are one hundred percent sure that they will run after them, that they are loved, they are proud of themselves and calm.

Be softer

Behavior in any life situation solves half of the problem. Especially when it comes to collisions. Regardless of the reason, jealousy can be talked about in different tones and served with different sauce.

A frank conversation about your feelings with a man, a calm and confident tone, and not hysterical screams with tears in your eyes and smashing dishes - this is the way to get an answer to your question.

It also happens that the partner simply does not have enough attention. Why hysteria? Explain the situation softly and lovingly. Find a compromise. Understand your loved one.

Love yourself

Jealousy has its origins in self-dislike, in complexes and resentments. To rectify the situation, you need to start with yourself, start changing for the better.

Take a piece of paper, write down all the qualities that you are proud of in yourself and next to those that you do not like most of all. Analyze the ratio.

Next, write down your fears in the relationship and try to explain to yourself, just honestly, their reason. An example is simple, I'm sorry if it's rude:

“- I'm afraid that the man will leave me.

- Why?

- Because I'm afraid to be alone.

- Why?

- Because one is bad …"

In the last phrase, the first reason: a self-sufficient woman is not afraid of loneliness, she knows how to use this time for herself and for herself. She has no unnecessary opportunity to think that it is stereotypically difficult for a woman over 30 to marry, that they will call her “old maid” and that she will remain in the company of 40 cats.

Yes, it will be difficult. In special cases, even very much. But, this is the basis - the basis for success in life. To establish contact with other people, you must first find it with yourself.

Fantasy

Many women have a superpower - to come up with something that in reality does not exist. If fantasies haunt. If the slightest delay of the husband at work paints a picture of infidelity right on the desktop with three secretaries, there are several options.

There is a real reason for jealousy: you have chosen a gigolo man for life. You knew that he would cheat and decided to save him from the position of a woman who sacrifices herself for love.

Alternatively, you have nothing to do. You are implementing too little energy and not transforming it in favor. Therefore, bad thoughts creep into my head.

How do I change my angle of view? Take care of yourself. Draw, write poetry, do your hobbies, read books, cook, work. Anything!

Make contact

If you do not have trust in a man - in a couple, everything is definitely not as smooth as you think. Try restarting the relationship.

Talk to your partner frankly about what you're worried about and why, about what makes you jealous. Not with a pretense, but softly and like a woman. Explain the situation and try to cope together.

Evolve

Because of the eternal pursuit of the misdeeds of a loved one, many forget about themselves. You look around too much and look for logs in other people's eyes. Pay attention to yourself.

Relationships should make people better. Partners motivate each other to develop and achieve something together. Only the positive influence of loved ones on each other should be perceived as developing.

Disputes, conflicts, learn how to use them for the benefit of the couple - make this your key skill.

Learn to speak so that the man hears you, choose words and approaches. Because he will do the same to you.

Look for emotions

There are people who just need dramas and scandals. You need to be at the center of the quarrel. They lack attention, bright emotional outbursts. And they feed off when they create problems for themselves. And what are the feelings after such quarrels? Are they worth it?

It is better to switch, help someone, empathize, look for a way out of emotions in a different way. This is especially true when there are no reasons for jealousy - they are sucked from the finger.

Learn to build relationships that will only bring pleasure to both.

It doesn't really matter if there is a specific reason to be jealous or not. In any situation, you need to respect yourself. This means staying calm and not letting others take you out of your emotions.

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Yaroslav Samoilov, psychologist, expert in relationships, creator of the online educational project "Growth Phase"