Jealousy is a way of thinking

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

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Isn't a double standard of morality connected with our culture, inseparably united with the concept of a "fallen woman"? The wife who has extramarital sex is condemned, while the husband is only criticized in such cases. The harm that a double standard inflicts on a woman extends far beyond limiting her sexual activity. That is why coquetry and jealousy go hand in hand. Flirting, a woman wants to feel a new interest in herself, without thinking at all about the second side of the coin - jealousy.

Jealousy is one of the most powerful human emotions, comparable to both love and hate. And, like all other emotions, it is peculiar only to man. Animals do not and cannot have jealousy, they are independent from each other, they do not belong to each other.

Jealousy is not inherent in everyone and takes prisoner gradually. People who are initially suspicious, explosive, with an unstable character, unsure of themselves, having psychological complexes, who have married not for love, but for everyday reasons, are more prone to jealousy. In addition, people who, in childhood, observed something similar in their parental family, take jealousy for the only correct demeanor.

Jealousy is an unpleasant painful feeling associated with the fear of losing the object of love. We are afraid of getting rejected by a loved one, and most of all we are afraid of losing his love through someone else's fault.

Jealousy is in many ways a childish feeling and is always associated with rivalry. As a rule, strong jealousy is experienced by people who are not self-sufficient, not confident in themselves, or, on the contrary, are too self-confident and consider the person their "property".

Jealousy can take on a painful connotation if it is caused not by real reasons, but by imaginary ones. If a person suffers from delusions of jealousy, then, as a rule, he cannot objectively assess his condition and understand that he invents reasons for jealousy himself.

Jealousy among older men stands apart, often associated with a decrease in potency, of which the wife is accused: “She taught me horns from my youth, so she exhausted me…” Doubtful considerations, no proofs, and they are not required. Jealousy is accompanied by chronic stress, from which a wide variety of diseases are at hand.

From any situation there is always three exits: change the situation; change yourself; stay in a situation that will get worse.

A jealous person cannot change the situation - he is still married, there are the same people around, and in general, he believes that he is not yet completely sure of betrayal in order to change his life. A jealous person cannot change himself - this is inherent in his character. Therefore, he continues to drown in the abyss of his suspicions, which, as if beckoning and enticing, lead ever further, not being confirmed or rejected.

Sometimes jealousy gets out of hand and a sense of ownership develops. This happens most often in the case of anxious attachment. The person is constantly concerned about the possible loss of a partner and may even imagine his connection with other people. One of my patients developed delusions of jealousy. And he perfectly understood that he was thinking of reasons to be jealous of his wife. But he could not get rid of these obsessive thoughts about her betrayal on his own, and turned to me.

During a conversation with a patient, I found out that he himself repeatedly cheated on his wife and was afraid of exposure. He was seized with great shame at the thought that he was deceiving her, and she might find out about it. At the same time, he was even more afraid that he would find out about the real betrayal of his wife. In the process of psychotherapy, he learned to manage his emotional reactions, realized that he was trying to blame his wife for his own sins, and began to calmly communicate with her.

What if you are jealous?

Try to figure out what kind of jealousy it is - controlled or completely unaffected by the arguments of reason, whether it is possible to do with flattery or logic, explanations of strangers or relatives. If it does not work out, then one must be wary of a jealous person. But in no case do not let them threaten you, let alone beat you!

Impunity corrupts and the next time a jealous person can give himself more will. Sometimes a woman should even tell that there was intimacy, but the man did not succeed, that she was unpleasant, etc. In a word, if a jealous person feels that his wife's betrayal did not take away something from him of his property and, moreover, did not give something to his wife or another man, his condition can significantly improve. However, the effect may be brief, and the night conversations inherent in jealousy, evening scandals, so inherent in jealousy, are resumed again, and agitation builds up.

If you see that the feelings of a jealous person no longer relate to the betrayal itself, but close on themselves, become stereotypical, habitual, closing a circle from which a person can no longer escape, do not try to solve the problem yourself with the help of vodka or sincere conversations - this is not will help, but will make you even more vulnerable.

Contact a specialist, do not be afraid to "wash dirty linen in public" - this will help both the patient and you. Having started treatment on time, the person will be returned to normal life, so that there will be no trace of absurd experiences. It will become easier for him and for everyone around him. Lost time will give rise to many new problems, reduce the chances of full recovery, endanger both acquaintances and strangers.

How strange it is that we have different attitudes towards those diseases that are visible and which are imperceptible. We understand that there are diseases of the body, but to the last we try to disown the possibility of a disorder of the soul, although among them there are completely harmless character traits and ominous diseases that lead to a complete loss of humanity.

A jealous person may not understand that he is a tormentor not only for others, but also for himself. Help him, cure him, looking at life soundly, he will be grateful to you.

Jealousy is one of the issues that partners should discuss openly. It should not be forgotten that sometimes even those partners who are satisfied with their love and sexual relationships experience sexual sympathy for other people. Such sympathy does not threaten a permanent relationship, it cannot be regarded as evidence that some problems have arisen between partners and cause an unjustifiably harsh reaction. The strength of this feeling is also an indicator of the degree of dependence on another person.

If you give your partner complete freedom and respect his interests, then by doing so you are more tied to him and create a more trusting relationship. Otherwise, if you begin to control his every step, he will begin to feel your pressure and will resist him in every possible way. Ultimately, you will receive a protest reaction, that is, he will cheat on you "out of principle" in order to prove to you his freedom and right to do what he sees fit.

As a rule, close, intimate relationships impose on partners the responsibilities and obligations that they agree on publicly or "by default." If the rules of the relationship are not spoken out, then certain expectations of partners begin to act, which may not coincide. To avoid such a conflict, you need to try to clarify your expectations and the expectations of your partner. Some try to manipulate their partner and make him loyal and loyal, but they do not always succeed in achieving the goal. You need to understand that your partner's feelings and ideas about the world cannot be fully controlled.

How many times have you come across the fact that you could not logically explain your own or someone else's actions? That is why, and also out of respect for the interests of a person, it is necessary to give him freedom. Remember that by harassing your partner with suspicion and attempts to control his behavior, you will eventually completely ruin the relationship and get what you were most afraid of - he will leave you.