A sandwich for every Finnish guest

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

(continued, beginning)

Feminine concept of security

Don't believe the advertisements: a woman feels protected not only with good pads. It seems to me that the feeling of security, first of all, is within the person himself. A woman herself knows if she can rely on herself, or if she needs some kind of support in the form of a husband, social support, and so on. As far as social security is concerned, in my opinion, this feeling is present to the highest degree in Finland. As soon as I arrived in this country, I received social insurance, thanks to which my daughter and I could receive free medical services from day one. My friends, who gave birth to children here, speak of the system of caring for the newborn and his mother in absolutely enthusiastic terms. Mothers receive childcare allowance for three years. Nurseries and kindergartens in Finland are wonderful, but they have to be paid for and are relatively expensive. The reason, in fact, is that the state is trying to motivate mothers to stay at home with their children as long as possible. It makes sense for a woman to return to work and send her child to kindergarten only if she is a valuable specialist and her salary is high enough.

I have enough personal experience to compare medical services in Russia, in the USA and here in Finland. Don't get me wrong, I am not inviting you here to be ill at all, and besides, it is likely that our Russian doctors are much better specialists than the local ones. But the system itself is organized here in such a way that the patients here are perfectly helped not only physically, but also psychologically. In fact, Russian doctors saved my life several times, and everything worked out great for them, but what have I heard from our"

Schools are also free here. Education is organized in such a way that parents do not have a headache for their children: every child is well-groomed, looked after, fed and treated kindly. You do not need to hire tutors or work with your baby at night, as they do here in Moscow, so that the child is no worse than others. School stress is minimized, at least in primary grades. Here the state does not set itself the task of teaching the entire population of the country higher mathematics, but all children speak English and Swedish after leaving school. In addition, all of them will be taught to take care of their native nature and be proud of their country.

I will not try to compare where education is better. I know for sure that if my daughter had studied in Moscow, she would have received much more knowledge. But at what cost it comes! She has a completely serene childhood here - that is, exactly the kind of childhood it should be. Every day she goes to school happy and returns from school happy. Now they play there, then they sing, then the teacher reads a book to them. Everyone is praised and encouraged. Unlike Russia, there are no “bad” students there. Let time dot the i's, and let my daughter decide for herself what she wants to study and who she wants to be. If she has abilities and talents for something, then she will show them in any case. And now I am very glad that I do not have to go crazy myself and torment my child, as it happens in Moscow with all my friends who have schoolchildren.

What do I miss the most?

Naturally, by parents, friends and communication. The Internet, of course, brings distances closer together incredibly, and I communicate with all my family and friends almost every day. However, I really miss personal communication. But apart from this, then perhaps the most unpleasant disappointment that befell me in Finland is the absence of holidays. I want holidays, with gifts and fun, but here they just don't know how to do it. Even gifts are given so idiotic that you want to throw them away right away. My husband turned fifty, and he gave a big party. He invited only the closest friends, but still it turned out one hundred and fifty people. Half of the gifts were, for example, a picture on a cardboard with a picture of a fat, half-naked aunt. Or candles with the inscription 2000, although the year was already 2001. Or some stupid pennant on a wire. I put all this stuff in a box and quietly took it to the basement - there is simply nowhere to put this ugliness, and there is no need. In Russia, they put their soul and imagination into a gift. They sincerely want to please each other. And it turns out! And my husband explains to me all the time - I already have everything, I don't need anything, for God's sake, don't give me anything. Other Finns think the same way. For rational Finns, the Russian approach to gifts is considered a waste of money and time.

Lacking our traditional hospitality. After all, we Russians are ready to give everything to our friends. We do not think about our own inconveniences, that we will spend money on guests, that we will have to stand behind the stove all day, and then wash the dishes for half the night, although tomorrow it’s not dawn for work. This is all a joy, because for us nothing beats precious communication. I must say that my Finnish relatives and friends sincerely appreciated this Russian peculiarity. Both my husband and mother-in-law are simply in an indescribable delight from my manner of receiving guests, although according to our Russian concepts I cook almost nothing. As I said, our Russian pickles would look defiant against the background of the usual Finnish sandwiches.

The hosts and guests at the table seem to be talking, but the communication here is also kind of wretched, if not dismissive. True, this does not apply to close friends, but when, for example, colleagues gather, no one pays attention to a person who does not understand Finnish. It would not even occur to them, say, to switch to English in my presence, although everyone speaks excellent English. I myself had to sit for hours in someone else's company, not understanding a word. From time to time I tried to start speaking English with them. They answered me something politely, and continued to babble in Finnish. All my Russian friends who find themselves in Finland complain about the same thing. Finns do not have our keen interest in the interlocutor and attention to a foreigner who does not speak our language. I keep comparing how my Moscow friends are vying with each other to entertain my husband and his friends when we come to Moscow. We Russians are always interested in talking to strangers, and we sincerely want our guests to feel good and comfortable. Finns, in my opinion, do not care whether their guests are good or not. They don't want to please anyone and they don't want to please anyone. Perhaps this, to some extent, speaks of the absence of inferiority complexes, but it seems to me that this is more likely due to national self-sufficiency and rationality.

I like a lot here. On a number of questions, I struggle to catch up to the Finnish "standard", but I will never reach it. To do this, one must be born here and absorb this immense craving for cleanliness and order with mother's milk. All the houses I've visited in Finland are very clean. I would say that even the cleanest Moscow apartment still cannot be compared to the Finnish standard. I am a clean person, but I had to learn a lot from the Finns.

I watch with admiration how my almost 80-year-old mother-in-law shakes out the rugs every morning and licks every centimeter of her apartment, and I understand that this is not given to us Russians. But we Russians are given something else. I am trying to instill in my international family our natural Russian warmth and hospitality, emotionality and sincerity, inner openness and craving for communication, but I have not succeeded in everything. Speaking of one's own husband, everyone knows that a grown man cannot be remade. But I myself am altering and changing, like gutta-percha. Without this, to be honest, there is nothing to do abroad. Don't go, girls, marry foreigners if you are not ready to remake yourself from head to toe!