Money in the family: a common budget or a separate one?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-18 00:05

Once everything was clear: a man contains a woman, period. A generation of our mothers and grandmothers vote for the common budget: "Otherwise, this is not a family!" Recently, more and more couples are choosing the separate option. What is more convenient?

Every man for himself

Masha (32) and Misha (36), married for 6 years:

- When we started living together, we perceived it as a fun experiment. Without thinking to combine the bills, we discussed who would pay what. On average, we earn equally, and the distribution of expenses is simple: my husband pays for a rented apartment, I - all bills (utilities, TV, Internet). Accordingly, my spending is less.

Misha has a monthly non-permanent source of income - freelance, this money is added to the nightstand. From there I take the money to buy food and other things for the household. When the stack of pieces of paper in the nightstand ends, I pay my own. About 70% of the cost of food is financed "from the bedside table", the rest - from my account.

Small and medium-sized purchases aimed at improving our everyday comfort (clothes, books, cosmetics, household goods) are made only by me. The husband simply does not see the need for anything from this list: he can wash with the same soap, familiar to him from childhood. But large purchases (household appliances, car) are paid exclusively by the spouse.

I think our budget is ideal: I feel comfortable planning expenses, without the need to constantly explain my system of priorities. In addition, there is personal responsibility for spending finances. I know exactly how much I spend and on what. And importantly: I am not tempted to blame my husband for the wrong attitude to money.

Svetlana (29), divorced:

- Until we planned the wedding, it seemed natural to me that the young man and I would have a separate budget for some time. We were discounted in proportion to earnings for general household expenses, and the rest was for each of his own.

At first I was fine with this approach, but when we got married, I wanted to change the financial scheme. I tried to talk about it with my husband, but he categorically rejected my proposals.

We had a lot of controversy on this topic. I resisted his decisions, but he stood his ground, and I had no choice but to yield. Often my husband threatened that if I continued to demand something from him, he would not give anything at all for the joint household - let everyone pay all personal expenses, including food, on their own.

When I asked why he didn’t agree to the general budget, he said that my irresponsibility and squandering were to blame. Sometimes he admitted that he needed some freedom and independence.

The relationship ended in divorce not only because of money, but in general because of too different approach to life and inability to negotiate. Now for me the most harmonious picture of the family budget will be: husband and wife invest a significant part in the common treasury, but they have personal unaccountable funds. In this case, it is best if a man earns more and, accordingly, gives a more significant amount, he can sometimes make a large purchase to the house or a gift to his wife.

All to the family

Olga (33) and Vadim (36), married for 8 years:

- When Vadim and I decided to get married, he set a condition on the general budget. Our goal was to have our own apartment (we lived in a rented one), and the future husband explained to me point by point how we could come to the fulfillment of our dreams. We entered our income and expenses in a spreadsheet that took into account everything, including spending on public transport. The husband set the daily limit - frankly, just scanty.

Severe restrictions brought me considerable discomfort: sometimes I just wanted to sit in a cafe with a friend or go to the movies, but even these little things were forbidden.

Once we had a serious quarrel when, without asking, I took money from the general cash register for a beautiful designer coat. My husband said that it was possible to buy it five times cheaper, but I felt hurt that I could not dress as I wanted.

However, I have never forgotten our common goal and I think that we were able to achieve it only thanks to a shared budget and strict cost control.

Now that we already have our own housing, little has changed in our financial system - only the size of the daily limit has increased several times. If I exceed it a little, it is not considered critical.

Irina (24) and Andrey (26), married for two years:

- We have a common budget, and we can't even imagine how it could be otherwise. It was like that in the families of our parents, we were brought up with the consciousness that everything is in common between husband and wife. Andrei hands over the entire salary to me, and in the morning I give him pocket money. I also fully contribute my funds to the joint budget. I take money for gifts to my husband, for small personal expenses from the general cash desk. My husband does not know exactly how much money we have at a certain moment - I manage the finances. Sometimes I bring to his attention that the money is not enough and it would be necessary to replenish our fund as soon as possible.

Andrei sometimes earns extra money, in addition to his main job, and then he may not give me the whole amount. But in this case, he usually gives me flowers, gifts, leads me to a cafe or cinema.

***

How many people, so many opinions, but one thing can be said: whether you are a supporter of the classic single budget or want to be independent, this important issue must be discussed in advance. The reluctance of young couples to talk about such an unromantic subject as money can lead to serious conflicts. It is better to start a life together with a clear understanding of the distribution of finances in the family.

Expert opinion

We have a budget in our family …

	general
	separated
	all the money is from my husband, he gives it to me for the household and "for pins"
	I have all the money, I give him for the farm and for the "walk"