My soul has no peace

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

V. Levy

Sometimes the day comes when you find yourself flinching from the phone and doorbell ringing, the SMS makes you shiver, and even the whistle of the kettle seems suspicious. You are constantly waiting for something, or rather, someone who does not appear in any way. And if it does, it’s not the one, or it’s wrong, or not then … Life slowly but surely turns into a cartoon nightmare, and you suddenly realize that you are attached, and so tightly that it hurts you …

The most amazing thing is that neither a varied life experience, nor the kilograms of books on psychology read, nor your thousands of advice to your friends - nothing saves you from this trap, cleverly set by your own feelings. Agree, many of us would like to have a love story in our biography, worthy of the best works of art. But have you ever thought about the fact that most of the literary masterpieces are written about love, and the countless number of romance novels are just about affections?, we become heroines of third-rate novels, and our feelings become a guide for novice psychologists. For how to cope with serious addictions is not so much a journalistic problem as a medical one …

To begin with, let's decide what kind of attachments we will talk about. It goes without saying that we are all, to one degree or another, attached to the people we consider to be close: parents, children, friends, girlfriends and lovers. But if such attachment brings you joy, then let yourself live - the usefulness of an easy attachment is rather a philosophical question. It's about painful attachments. About attachments that cause quite tangible mental discomfort. About the very strings, strings and cords that make us suffer if the creature "on the other end of the wire" begins to slowly crawl away or quickly untie. In short, about attachments that prevent us from living.

The most unpleasant addictions occur, of course, in the world of love stories. Because this is one of the most vulnerable areas of human relations - and where else is the soul just as trusting and open?!..

The secret is that before attachment arises, it is formed. And if you track at what stage you become attached, you can, if desired, avoid this in the future. Moreover, the binding mechanism is simple, like the experiment of Academician Pavlov with his unlucky dog. And even basically it has the same principles. Imagine: every evening, at exactly nine o'clock, the same man calls you (the degree of intimacy is not important here). The first couple of days you are irritated or polite, but in any case it does not matter, you tell him that you have no time - husband-family-children, - hang up and forget about him safely. A week later, you perceive it as a natural part of the evening, and gently or flirtatiously, but already interested, chatter about trifles. Or you send him to the devil's grandmother, but just as interested. And after a couple of weeks it suddenly disappears - and you do not find a place for yourself … A somewhat exaggerated example, but clearly demonstrates how exactly they come to such a life. After all, these may not be calls, but meetings, and not weeks, but many years …

Notice at what point your thoughts keep returning to the same person. And try to understand if you have fallen on the hook of "formation of attachment", from which you will then have to unhook for a long time and painfully. And if the hook is somewhere nearby, act like a smart fish: swim straight away … or, at least, do not sit on it, but freely fly alongside.

Surely you know girls who spend days and nights at the phone waiting for a call. Which may not be. For months … This can be viewed with derision - in youth it still does not happen like that - but for women who face such conditions, this is a real problem.

Something similar is described in the literature:

But seriously, no matter how trite it is, time is a universal healer. Plus new acquaintances, and new hobbies, and a new attitude. The main thing is not to be isolated in yourself and in the nuances of your experiences. The popular psychologist N. I. Kozlov made three simple observations in one of his books:

1. Attachment differs from love in pain, tension and fear.

2. Wisdom begins with a willingness to lose.

3. You can get tied when you know how to untie.

All these recommendations are correct, but they require a lot of work on themselves, because only people who are half a step away from spiritual enlightenment or spiritual frostbite can nurture a soul that is capable of not getting attached …

But you can reduce the level of love addiction. And right now … Ask yourself a simple question: who is currently in control of the situation? Who is the master of the situation when you are sitting by the phone, sadly propping your head with your hands? That's right, not you. The owner in this case is a person who, perhaps, is not worth such sacrifices, since he allows you, such a wonderful one, to spend time so sadly. Do you have something to tell him? So take matters into your own hands! Call him, write, come to his house - and share with him everything that worries you so much. If your chosen one is capable of understanding, then you will move to a different level of relationship, in which there is no place for dull painful longing. If not … well, it's better to deal with attachment on your own, leaving fruitless expectations in the past …

Internal experiences, the suppression of which is fraught with neuroses, can be transformed. There is even such a term - sublimation, which means the translation of unrealized sexual energy into creative. On the wave of love experiences, you can compose a song, write a story … you can even sew something stunning, reflecting your current mood. In general, uncovered horizons await you!..

Think that obsessive attachment is rooted in the fact that we did not receive something: warmth, care, tenderness … The soul wastes away without love and therefore it hurts. But after all, you can not only take, and even more so wait until they give you, you can give love - yourself. And then the soul will no longer just get attached, it will love …