Video: Non-standard mothers, or Calm, only calm
2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00
Did you know that some families do not raise children? That is, they are not brought up in the usual sense of the word. Children in these families do not know what a remark or shout is, no "quieter", "do not touch" and "do not talk", no pressure from the parents. True, often children at the same time may be poorly familiar with hygiene, up to five years old to be friends with a pacifier and hardly understand "what is good and what is bad."
What is our - habitual - upbringing, more or less represent everyone, even those who have not yet entered the era of "parenting". Remembering our childhood, we remember not only holiday gifts and joyful walks, but also those moments when we promised ourselves: "When I grow up, I will never act as my parents do." And then we grew up. And they forgot how offensive it is when you are unfairly punished, how bitter it is when your closest person, your mother, yells at you with irritation … We grow up and forget, and in many, very many ways, we begin to repeat the mistakes of our parents …
Some families have trod their own path in trying to raise calm and balanced children with healthy nervous systems. In some countries, there are more and more such families. I think some of what many of us are used to automatically refer to as negative manifestations of exotic families can be revisited. And to see the meaning in what previously seemed unnecessary to us. You can try to look with a fresh perspective in which the advantages and disadvantages of non-standard upbringing can easily become each other. Disadvantages with a slight movement of the soul turning into advantages:
1) In the practice of non-traditional education, hygiene is somewhere in the penultimate place in importance. Kids lying on the dirty floor and dirty faces are commonplace. Not to mention the habit of tasting everything, without even thinking about the purity of the product used, and the ability to explore all kinds of horizontal and vertical surfaces, which are not always safe.
But children who grew up in spatial freedom develop - which is natural - a much greater immunity to all kinds of microbes, they do not know what "spit out this muck" and "shake off the jacket" (accordingly, they save their own and mom's nerves) and master the world in fullness of their childish imagination …
- I remember a story that happened in one of the Moscow courtyards. A young mother, sitting on a bench with the same mothers and watching their children play, complained to her friends: "My Vladik is not at all a sporty child, he cannot pull himself up, does not climb trees, he is so homely, I don’t know what to do with him." … At that moment, Vladik began to climb onto a high horizontal bar. "Vladik! Where are you going ?! Immediately climb back down, you will hurt yourself!" - Mom shouted hysterically and jumped up to take it off …
2) Children in non-traditional families are more "loose" and do not respond well to habitual parental manipulations. Growing up without comment, they often do not know what is "not allowed" or "indecent". Such children do not have a formed control mechanism - there are no habitual "pain points" on which one could press, calling for one or another behavior.
But Children brought up without a shout have a strong nervous system. They are alien to the ubiquitous neuroses - by-products of the usual family upbringing. They are not familiar with the typical parental "leverage" - the creation of feelings of guilt, helplessness and dislike. See what parents say most often for educational purposes? "You did it out of spite!", "That's it, I don't love you anymore", "I told you …", "Mom knows better" - this list can be extended indefinitely. Children who did not know the shout are much more likely to build harmonious families, because they have no negative family experience …
- In addition, the usual screams: "be careful, you will fall!" or thrown in the hearts of "you hate me!" - real negative suggestions. The child in the depths of his soul firmly knows that parents must be obeyed (and that they are always right) and subconsciously begins to fulfill their requirements. It really does fall. And even begins to hate … And then the parents complain about bad and ungrateful children, forgetting that day after day they made them so …
3) In non-standard families, a child who is carried away by the hippie movement, heavy metal or Taoist practices is not a "black sheep" that must be returned to the "herd" (as a rule, by parental tantrums or notations in the spirit of "grow up, you will understand") - but normal self-determination adult personality. And if a child wears a nose ring and four more in his ear - this is his personal style …
But These children know from early childhood that they could try smoking right in front of their parents, piercing an ear is not a problem, they are not interested in getting carried away with what is forbidden for an ordinary child. After all, adolescence is a kind of protest against parental prohibitions. If there are no prohibitions, then there is no need to protest …
- Of course, it is impossible to raise a child without any prohibitions, and it is simply dangerous. But if the upbringing takes place in a constructive manner, then the child is brought up not on what is "tasteless, dirty and indecent", but on positive examples. If a child is familiar with classical music, good literature and decent people from early childhood, he already knows the value of everything. He already understands the difference between art and one-day fashion - after all, children are much wiser than adults …
And something else. In non-standard families there are no usual punishments, the child can be deprived of something additional, but not necessary. He is not deprived of walks in the fresh air, he is not deprived of money, he is not deprived of communication. And most importantly, they do not deprive them of parental love, attention and care. No "educational" silence, no irritated or offended facial expression, no ritual "you must ask for forgiveness."
The child should know: no matter what happens, no matter what he does, his parents love him in any case. And not only in words, but also with every look, every gesture, every breath …
It's not for nothing that they say that love is the best educator …
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