The bitter experience of friendship with a man

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

It so happened in my life that I am more often friends with men than I love them. I'll make a reservation right away, I'm not stupid, not frigid, I treat my appearance quite adequately, so I boldly look in the mirror, and I'm not ashamed of my reflection - everything is pretty decent. Undoubtedly, on my way there were those handsome men in whom I fell in love, and those who fell in love with me. Moreover, I can safely say that there is that "lucky man" whom I want to marry. But he somehow does not burn with such a desire, and therefore I continue to live in peace, not in a hurry to hang a collar around my neck. And friends always surrounded me (pah-pah-pah), and there are a lot of guys among them.

My journalistic life is so arranged that I constantly communicate with people. New impressions, new acquaintances, new meetings, and sometimes those with whom I come across at work become my friends. But now we are not talking about them, but about a person whom I could just recently call her best friend. That was before, but now, as it is sung in one old song: "Something is happening to me, my old friend does not come to me, but they are walking in different vanities, not the same ones."

When Stas first came to our work, he got to the planning meeting. The atmosphere was heated to the limit. Everyone sat down, trying to hide behind each other, but there was no place for Stas, the chairs ran out. He felt extremely uncomfortable: by nature he is a shy guy, but here for the first time he saw the whole team in full force, and even in the midst of the meeting. Feeling that Stas was just as easy at that moment as I ruff in marmalade, I put him on a chair next to me, and for 4 years now we have been sharing one chair for two at every holiday: the lack of furniture continues. It was his friendship that I was always proud of, and told everyone around that, contrary to the prevailing opinion, real friendship between a man and a woman exists, and we are a vivid confirmation of this, because in relation to each other we have no secret intentions. It was to him that I went with my sorrows and joys, I asked him for advice, and he always looked at me in a special way, maybe a little more tenderly than at others.

* * *

On one of his birthdays, I worked, and therefore could not come to him on time. When the endless, as it seemed to me then, the working day ended, I rushed like a bullet to congratulate my friend on the holiday, but by this time the guests had dispersed, and only two of the very best Stasov comrades were sitting. Raising a glass, the birthday boy looked at the three of us and said: "Well, now all my friends are assembled. Here are now those whom I sincerely love and respect, whom I can always count on!" If you only knew how pleased I was at that moment, what gratitude I expressed to the fate that had pushed us so successfully. Tears welled up in my eyes, a lump in my throat, I can't breathe. Stas is a very gentle person who prefers not to enter into conflicts with anyone. Someone calls this trait weakness, but most often he cannot make a decision quickly.

Stas delays this unpleasant moment for himself in all known and unknown ways, and when you can live in peace and go, as they say, with the flow, without fundamentally changing anything in his life, he does it with great pleasure. Many of our mutual acquaintances call him infantile, "rohley", "nun". I cannot but agree with this: sometimes I need him to make a decision, hit the table with his hand, and say that you need to do as he said.

Sometimes people around do not understand why I hold on to him, why I forgive him everything? Undoubtedly, in our pair, I am the leader, and he is the follower, but this suits both of us. Yes, and love is not for something, but most often, in spite of something.

I appreciate and accept Stas as he is. All of us are not without flaws, and Stanislav's gentleness, in our not the kindest time, is not such a big vice, and maybe even the other way around, who knows? I don’t know which word is more suitable for my feeling: "love" or "friendship". For myself, I call it "all-consuming tenderness."

* * *

And once something that started so well ended so strangely. We were on our way from the holiday, Stas was in that state when the alcohol he had drunk allowed him to say what in an absolutely sober state my friend would not have said for any gingerbread. It turned out that he "very much appreciates" all our friendship with him, he is pleased to communicate with me, but all this time he, it turns out, LOVED me!

Since childhood, I have been taller than everyone, and even now in our town it is difficult to find a girl taller than me. But I feel absolutely calm, and about my 185 cm I have not experienced any complexes for a long time, and Stas is the only one so tall, and he never even imagined that he could fall in love with a girl who is "as much as 10 cm taller than him. " (Oh God!). But fate-villain decreed that he loves me, but cannot be with me. He would have to fight for his happiness, do not give a damn about the opinions of others and his complexes, but here his softness prevailed.

After this confession, he walked for a long time, as if dropped into the water, because no one should have known about his secret, let alone me, and even more so from himself. When we saw Stas at work, there was some tension, unnaturalness, he really wanted his confession to be forgotten as soon as possible. Now everything is getting better, it is entering its usual course, only less and less often we confess with him, less often we go home together, and he still has not told me about his imminent marriage.