How to deal with your selfishness

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

If close people keep repeating that you think only of yourself, are looking for personal benefit in everything and generally have no idea how it is to benefit others, then perhaps you are too selfish, and you should reconsider your attitude towards yourself and others.

Of course, we are all egoists, and this is quite understandable: there is no person in our life dearer and dearer than ourselves, and we naturally want to be surrounded by all the best. None of us will consciously choose poor living conditions if we can choose completely satisfying and one hundred percent suitable. Sometimes our actions and words run counter to someone else's idea of what is right and what is not, but even knowing that someone is not happy, we still continue to do what we need. However, there is a difference between the so-called rational selfishness and fanatical self-love that overshadows all warm feelings for others. In the first case, a person lives by his own interests, which at the same time do not contradict the interests of relatives, friends and colleagues. In the second, only one's own desires are taken into account, and the opinion of others is not even considered, as if it does not exist at all.

This destructive feeling is akin to illness, obsession, which means that by its very existence it brings you harm.

Of course, no one has the right to tell you how to live (especially if you belong to the second type of people, it is quite risky - suddenly hit it again), but you must understand that selfishness, reaching extremes, is not good. This destructive feeling is akin to illness, obsession, which means that by its very existence it brings you harm. There is something paradoxical in this: excessive self-love, which is designed to protect from all troubles and misfortunes, itself becomes a serious threat, and you have to fight this threat.

Let's figure out how not to create an idol for yourself in your own person, and what to do if love for your own person has become the only high feeling in your life.

We are responsible for those we have tamed

Trust me, if someone constantly tells you that you are selfish, then most likely you are. We are even sure that close people less and less often turn to you for help or with the intention to discuss any problems. Surely they think that, except for yourself, you do not think about anyone else. Psychologists advise everyone who finds themselves in a similar situation … to have a pet. Of course, if there is an opportunity and desire. At first glance, this approach seems frivolous, but, you must admit, you will not be able to think only of yourself and disappear somewhere with your friends all day if there is a hungry cat or a parrot at home. Here, like it or not, you will still start to worry about others and realize that those around you also have their own needs, which are no less important than yours.

Teamwork

If the presence of a pet in the house for some reason is impossible, then choose another way to tame your own selfishness: feel like a part of the team. You can enroll in the volleyball section or, finally, making your childhood dream come true, start singing in the choir - no matter what the choice falls on, the main thing is that you understand how great it is to work in a team and all go to the same goal together. Responsibility for the successful implementation of a common cause will quietly pacify an excessively selfish "I", make you accept the points of view of other people, agree with opinions that just yesterday seemed fundamentally wrong. This is a very valuable experience, since a person who is a member of a well-coordinated team eventually begins to think in terms of “common cause, benefit, team spirit”, leaving behind excessive selfishness.

Responsibility for the successful implementation of a common cause will quietly pacify an overly selfish self.

Help your neighbors

For example, take part in a charity event in your city, or help a lonely elderly neighbor by buying her a loaf of bread and a carton of milk. It is not difficult or expensive for you, but the person is pleased and, perhaps, simply necessary. Train yourself to notice other people's problems and do something about them. Of course, you might think, “Why should I solve other people's problems? Does anyone else but me decide? More selfish thoughts are hard to come up with. Imagine that you are in a situation where there is no one around who could lend you a helping hand. Alone? Fearfully? Is it empty? Believe me, at this moment someone feels exactly like this.

Put yourself in the shoes of another

This mainly concerns disputes and scandals. If it happened that you did not agree with some of your relatives or friends and your opponent desperately proves his point of view, do not rush to bring the showdown to a fight, but rather try to understand why it is so important for a person to prove his innocence to you? Perhaps you really do not know something (you cannot be competent in absolutely everything), you misunderstood something, missed important facts, and now you look like a stubborn ram from the outside. You should understand that the world around you does not live according to the scheme “there are two opinions: mine and wrong,” so at least sometimes put yourself in the place of another person.