Choose happiness

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The problem of choice is always very difficult. Even in the little things, when you choose this or that blouse in the store and cannot decide which is better, you are already experiencing the torment of choice. How not to miscalculate, so as not to regret it later? And if you have to make a choice in your personal life, your own life, then it becomes unbearably difficult to decide on radical changes. So my close friend is now struggling in a web of indecision, trying to restore at least some semblance of order in her thoughts, feelings, fate …

Lenka got married very early. At 18, she was still a stout child with a childish enthusiastic idea of life. Her future husband Sergei, 4 years older than her, took the lead in their marriage. More precisely, he simply insisted that they get married, saying that he loved her and could not imagine his life without her. Did Lenka love Sergei? Respected - yes, did not want to lose him - no doubt, but as for love … But what is it all about - love? Do you know anything about this girl at 18 years old? She pictured her life in solid pink color: her home, her family, her household, her own man - this is so interesting! How to play a new game … Only on the eve of the wedding Lenka was overwhelmed by fear - why am I doing this? - and she wanted to rush off somewhere far, far away, settle in another city, start a new life … "But, probably, such thoughts visit everyone on the eve of great events," she reassured herself.

Sergei turned out to be a wonderful husband - kind, caring … Even more economic than Lenka herself. He liked to do all sorts of different purchases, equip their life, cook delicious meals … Not a husband - but a dream! But there was one tiny "but" … Sergei turned out to be very jealous, insisted that his wife spend all her free time with him, tried to instill in her his traditional ideas about the family - the wife should take care of her husband, the wife should give birth to a child, the wife should … should … should…

Soon Lenka felt that she was simply suffocating from this endless "must" and tried to convey to Sergei her understanding of the union of two people. First, no one owes anything to anyone, but does everything voluntarily and out of love; secondly, she first wants to go to college, and not give birth to a child; thirdly, she would still like to have her own time and spend it on meetings with friends, traveling, some of her hobbies … The first quarrels began. From time to time they turned into scandals, then Lenka suggested that Sergey live separately for a while in order to understand whether it was worth continuing to live together with such different views on life … But Sergey was not going to leave his young beloved wife even for a while, this did not fit into his life principles. He learned to find compromises, to veil his jealousy ("Where have you been for so long? I was worried if something happened …"), although in his heart he remained the same suspicious and demanding husband. Lenka also tried her best to direct the "family ship" along the quiet waves of the sea of life.

Gradually, the rhythm of their life settled down, there were fewer conflicts, a measured, calm life flowed, more like a swamp, with its "warmth and satiety", but the absence of bright significant events. Lenka still did not want children, and could not explain to herself why. She covered herself first with her studies, then her career, but the reason, she is sure, was in something else. But in what? Sex with her husband has always been just a "conjugal duty" for her, she did not even think that there is something else in another way … Until, one day, she fell in love. Until now, everything that happened in her life seemed to her natural and the only possible. But that storm of feelings, happiness, passion, suffering, which fell on her, revealed to her new, previously unexplored, sides of life, showed that it is possible, it turns out, to live like that - breathe deeply, choke with happiness, fly in the clouds, cry from love … But at the same time - to experience constant fear - fear of hurting a person with whom I have lived for so many years, fear of losing balance, calmness, peace in the family, fear of being alone, fear of making the wrong choice.

What to do in such a situation? To go to a lover from a faithful, loving husband, proven by the hardships of everyday life? Continue to deceive your husband, leading a double life and feeling like the last rubbish at the same time? Bury love, stop breathing and return to a quiet "swamp" for the rest of your life? Remain alone and live as you see fit, without reporting or making excuses to anyone? I think each of you would choose your own option. What will Lenka do? I do not know yet…