Is my girlfriend the best?

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

F. La Rochefoucauld

Despite the abundance of women's articles - and men's opinions - about the benefits and insidiousness of women's friendship, you know almost everything about this friendship. How could it be otherwise if your dear, best, closest and most beloved friend was always there when you wanted to chat, have fun or just laze around? A friend is a value. The same as Love, Fidelity, Understanding and … Money.

Money? - you will ask in surprise, - what makes money on this wonderful list ?! And the fact that in our rapidly changing world we have to test the strength of not only love, but also friendship. And money is a good test for the question: is my friend the best?

The world is often cruel and at times makes us meet with … I will not say betrayal, too pretentious word, rather - with disappointment. Which often leads in the future to deep distrust of people. I will not say platitudes that sincerity is important in relationships with friends, not courtesy, that real attention and understanding is not at all the same as pouring chaotic meaningless words and emotions into free friendly ears - you already know all this. I will try to avoid loud phrases about disappointment in friendship, just let's see a picture of life together …

As often happens, Larisa and Julia were not just friends, they grew up from the same childhood, with shared books, lessons, toys and fans. Girls were attracted by classic opposites: Larisa is bright, cheerful and carefree, Yulia is calm, reasonable and neat. Both after the pedagogical institute got married, began to build families, although not everything went well at first: Julia gave birth to a sweetheart daughter, divorced, remarried; Larisa is raising her son, leaving from time to time and returning to her "walking" but beloved husband. Julia received her second specialty and works as an economist, Larisa is the head of a mathematical school. And they, like each of us, sometimes have difficulties …

It turned out that for some time Larisa did not have time to pick up the child from kindergarten (problems piled up at the same time) and she asked her friend to help her with this. "Of course, I can pick it up every day at half past five," - Yulia answered affectionately, - "it will be worth it …" - and she calmly named the amount.

At that moment, Larisa's eyes opened: she suddenly realized that for many years she had not attached importance to the small symptoms of tough self-interest that slipped into her friend's behavior. I remembered unpleasant little things: how she needed lids for pickling tomatoes, and Yulia, whose entire balcony was littered with all sorts of lids and jars, offered her to buy them at a low price. I remembered how one day Julia came to visit her with a cake and offered to return half of the cost to her. And all this against the background of the most tender friendship … Larisa realized that she had lost her friend - she could only hire a stranger, and she will no longer be able to trust a close friend who manifests herself in such a difficult moment. And the question: my best friend is gone forever … From that day on they stopped communicating, having crossed out more than twenty years of friendship …

Frustrations like these deal a major blow to your ability to trust. It is believed that in this regard, people are divided into two categories: those who immediately trust until they find out that it is not worth doing this, and those who do not trust until the partner proves otherwise. Situations of selfish friendship hit those values, the destruction of which leads to a change in views on many things. Including the possibility of trust. It is difficult to accept that a close friend can turn away in a difficult period, it is even more difficult to imagine that she will seek material benefits in your difficulties. But if this does happen, you must be prepared for such a situation, otherwise you can get stress on this basis as well.

Some psychologists believe: it is necessary to accept the fact that loved ones can be ungrateful, self-serving and even cruel towards you. You need to be prepared for the fact that they will leave you in a difficult situation. That they will show a side of their nature that does not correspond in any way with your ideas. Experts say that by accepting all this in advance, you will be able to manage the situation and sensibly - without unnecessary worries - decide whether to communicate further.

Of course, it is difficult to accept such things, if not impossible to say. It's like thinking about what to do if your lover leaves you on your first date. Moreover, under some unpleasant circumstances, for example, suddenly leaving you in an expensive restaurant with an unpaid bill. On the other hand, perhaps the willingness to "betray" makes it less painful. And on the third hand, given that life is multifaceted and unpredictable, you cannot foresee everything …

A lot of people maintain friendships for so-called "connections". Proceeding from the fact that "the right people" are needed. Without assessing this fact - everyone is free to communicate as he wants and for what he wants - we have to notice that communication "good for the cause" is at the level of friendship, while true friendship rejects selfish motives, even if they are not as obvious as the offer of a paid service. True friendship (and for most women, a close friend is no less valuable than a beloved man) requires a careful and sincere relationship.

Often we do not need a specific activity of a friend, but attention and emotional involvement. But there are other cases as well.

What if a friend asks you to pay for her help?

If you do not succumb to the first angry outburst and do not fall into a quiet shock, in order to minimize losses, you can try:

1) Talk to her right away. And only then make a decision about accepting or not accepting help or changing the attitude towards a friend. As you know, most would rather retell it with horror to their acquaintances than talk directly. And in vain. It is quite possible that a friend does not quite understand how her desire to "earn extra money" through your eyes is seen - from time to time we all get carried away. At least, there is a chance that she will see herself as that very friend who turned out to be "not a friend, and not an enemy, but so", and this case will turn out to be an accident, not a pattern.

2) If disinterestedness in friendship is extremely important for you, do not accept offers, but do not break off the relationship either. And do not arrange any "showdown". Accept for yourself such a feature of her and in the future try not to contact her with any requests. And for your complete peace of mind, you can internally retrain your girlfriend from "close" to "acquaintances."

3) Accept her compensated help. It may turn out that in a crisis situation you really need her services, and all these "how she … could … with me … this ?!" will fade into the background. And when all this is behind you, try to treat it without judgment - as a reality - you don't think, for example, about the need to pay taxes?..

4) Accept such help and continue not only to communicate, but also to sincerely love your friend. I agree that it is difficult. But maybe you know how to be wise and can love your neighbors outside the logic "you are for me, I am for you" …

And finally, after the question: is my friend the best? Maybe the thought of compensation can come to your head? Of course, you yourself know what is more important to you, and you are always free in your choice, but remember the old truth: no matter what you do, the amount of good in the world must increase. And the word "good" does not mean money at all …