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Video: The perfect girl from his mom's point of view
2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00
Mother-in-law is an eternal and painful topic. Freshly married friends share revelations in the spirit of “I expected that the mother-in-law would not be sugar, but not to the same extent!”. We all know what an ideal mother-in-law should be - smart, kind and living on another continent. But what do they expect from us? What ideal daughters-in-law do our future and present mother-in-law dream about?
The Cleo correspondent went to the "enemy camp" and talked to several women about what kind of ideal daughter-in-law they imagine. The received answers were commented on by the psychologist Vitaly Pakhomov.
Julia, mother of 8-year-old Nikita:
- I have not yet seriously thought about the future daughter-in-law, there is still time left. My son must first get a good education, take place professionally, and only then think about the family. If he brings a girl at the age of 19 and says: “Mom, this is Masha - and she will live with us” - he will not. I am not going to be an enthusiastic grandmother who will gladly spend several years of her life sitting with her grandson while the young people have fun.
I want my daughter-in-law to be smart - both in terms of education and in terms of female wisdom. I have no special requirements for housekeeping, but cleanliness and a hot meal in the house must be mandatory. This is how an ideal girl should be - a daughter-in-law, in my opinion.
I would not want my son's wife to leave the children to babysit and pursue a career. Let her raise her children herself!
If I do not like my daughter-in-law, I will not be silent. I consider it permissible to tactfully convey my point of view to my son.
Psychologist Vitaly Pakhomov's commentary: For many parents, it is natural to make decisions for the child, relying on the simple logic that they raised him and know what will be best for him. This line of behavior is especially typical for single mothers who raised their child on their own. Such a mother-in-law will consider it her duty to take part in the life of the spouses, give advice and monitor their impeccable execution.
My mother-in-law is disgusting to me: Help with advice on how to change the attitude towards the mother-in-law? I have been married for 6 years, my husband and I have an ordinary family, we love each other, we have two children. And everything seems to be fine, if not for his mother. She terribly annoys me, I can hardly restrain myself so as not to get rude, although I have a good relationship with my father-in-law. Read more…
Olga Vladimirovna, mother of 26-year-old Anton:
- The most important thing for me is that she love and respect my son.
It is important that my daughter-in-law is smiling, kind, cordial - I would like us to have a warm relationship, so that we become friends.
Well, of course, so that she respects me, my opinion, listens to him.
I would not want a daughter-in-law - a house grunt, who only does what she sits at home with her children. I believe that a modern woman should be able to combine parenting and career.
If I see that something is not going well in their family, I will try to help, talk to them. These are my children, how can I not interfere!
Anna Vladimirovna, mother of 35-year-old Vladimir:
- For me, the main thing is that he loved her and I saw it. So that they have harmony in the family. The rest is not that important.
Although I want her to be attractive, well-groomed, pleasant to talk to, in general, an ideal girl. I dream how my daughter-in-law and I will be friends, discuss all sorts of women's secrets.
And so that she was still so … homely.
For me, education and social status are not so important as a person's desire for self-development. The main thing is that she has a purpose in life. If she was only interested in TV shows and chatting with girlfriends, who would like it.
Psychologist Vitaly Pakhomov's commentary: The warm welcome of a new family member is typical for close-knit families in which the bond between generations is strong. As a rule, men who grew up in such families make wonderful husbands.
Nina Pavlovna, mother of 40-year-old Igor, grandmother of seven-year-old Nastya:
- I used to want my daughter-in-law to be a good housewife, from a decent family, to call me mom. Now I understand that the main thing is that they be happy together.
A young family should live separately, then you won’t find fault with the fact that she doesn’t cook borscht well or does not wipe the dust well. He came to visit, talked - that's all.
We have an even relationship - no scandals, no hearty teas, and that suits me perfectly. It seems to me that this is how the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, strangers, in general, people should be.
Psychologist Vitaly Pakhomov's commentary: The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, based on the mutual understanding that two strangers are not obliged to love each other, is much calmer and more natural than deliberately "friendly". This is the most competent line of conduct for both women.
No need to force yourself to fall in love with a new relative. Perhaps over time, emphatically polite communication will lead to warmer feelings. If not, this line of conduct will help avoid open confrontation.
How to please his mom
- No matter how different the opinions were, all mother-in-law, future and present, agree on one thing - the main thing is that you love and respect her son. So show these commendable feelings in every possible way. Demonstrate care for him, but do not go too far so that the future mother-in-law does not decide what you want to make of her henpecked boy.
- Take advice. Ask for a cake recipe, ask how she bathes her malevolent cat. And there will be something to talk about, and the mother-in-law will show that her opinion is important to you.
- Keep your distance. You should not be the Snow Queen, but also wait a little with the confessions “You are my second mother”. Remember that some people may perceive your desire to get as close as possible immediately as a violation of personal space.
- Ask your loved one about what his mother loves - so you will have ideas for small gifts for her.
- Take an interest in the customs of their family and try to observe them, at least do not allow them to be criticized.
- Never complain about him to his mom. Of course, she nods sympathetically and may even agree with you on all points, but a huge minus will be written down for you. If you can't wait to discuss your loved one, discuss his childhood photos.
- Never scold or criticize his mother. If your relationship with her did not work out, do not involve your husband in this business - you are two adult women, and you must figure it out on your own, without forcing him to take sides. But remember, even following the rules and etiquette, there is a chance that you will never become the perfect daughter-in-law for his mom.
4 nagging from the evil mother-in-law (life stories): You adore him, he doesn’t have a soul in you … But his mother is not delighted with you and does not even try to hide it? We asked psychologists how to behave correctly with a harmful mother-in-law so that her dislike would not ruin your relationship with your beloved. Read more…
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