Valentine's Day: Why and How Expectations Destroy Reality

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

Yes, perhaps you think that this is “not our” holiday, you are not going to celebrate it, and in general only schoolchildren send “valentines” to each other.

But admit it - no matter how you deny the traditions of Valentine's Day, there is still a glimmer of hope in your soul that this time February 14 will be special. With flowers, candles, a romantic movie, a trip to a restaurant and possibly a coveted ring in a box. Or at least just better than last year.

123RF / anetlanda

Needless to say, it is on the holidays that our expectations are cruelly smashed against reality? Not the dress, the wrong setting, the wrong man … So that this time you do not have to worry about unjustified hopes, we will tell you what can go wrong and why all this is happening.

1. Expectation: "Marry me!"

Let's start with the serious. With a marriage proposal. Of course, you know that on Valentine's Day it is customary to give little things, but you would really like this "little thing" to be a ring with a 0.25 carat diamond.

Reality: "Seals, notebooks"

Instead of a velvet box, you see a cute bag. And in it - a teddy bunny (or a cat, or a bear) and a box of chocolates. And you're on a diet.

123RF / Nicoleta Ifrim-Ionescu

Tatiana, 27 years old: “I don’t know why, but last year I was sure that Sasha would make me an offer on February 14th. I dreamed of how I would cry, say "yes", how we would hug and discuss the details of the future wedding. In general, I waited from the very morning, and when by the evening the cherished words did not sound, I could not resist and told him everything that had accumulated. It turned out that Sasha had already bought the ring, but he wanted to present it in two weeks, when we were supposed to go on vacation. To say that it was embarrassing to say nothing”.

Why it happens:

Because a man can't read your mind. He does not know that the cherished words you want to hear today. He may have his own plans. In addition, the moment when he proposes to you is in itself a holiday for him. Why mix it with anything else?

2. Expectation: "Romantic setting"

You expect that this whole day will be saturated with romance: you will wake up from the smell of coffee, on the next pillow you will find a gorgeous bouquet of roses.

123RF / arthurhidden

Then, together with your loved one, you will spend the day watching romantic films, and in the evening have a candlelit dinner.

Reality: "And so it will do"

In the morning, you take each other's blankets and argue who will be the first to take the bathroom. Prepare breakfast, scrambled eggs burn. Later, for a long time, you can not choose what to see and stop at the next series of "The Walking Dead" instead of "The Diary of Memory". And in the evening, sitting at the festive table, look at each other for about 5 minutes, you feel uncomfortable, and in the end you decide that even now "Walkers" will be very useful.

Why it happens:

Because romance cannot be tortured. Candles, flowers and gentle words need the appropriate mood, but such things do not work "on click". Expectations that are too high give rise to too many disappointments. It is better to accept the fact that neither you nor he wants to watch tearful films right now, and enjoy the fact that you are just around. Even if there are evil zombies on the screen.

3. Expectation: "He will do everything himself."

It is not clear why, but you expect that your loved one will create all the romantic atmosphere himself. He will fill the bath with champagne and rose petals, buy an expensive gift, invite you to a restaurant or prepare a delicious dinner, and you will only accept his courtship.

Reality: "I came up with it myself - I was offended by myself"

The miracle did not happen. There is no champagne bath and no expensive present, and you have to cook dinner yourself. And you start to wind yourself up - remember how a friend told her about what a surprise her boyfriend gave her on the holiday before last (it doesn't matter that they parted for a year already), accuse your beloved of insensitivity and the fact that he is not at all romantic.

123RF / Fabiana Ponzi

Why it happens:

Because we all reviewed Hollywood films, where life is more like a fairy tale than our realities. And in the end, Valentine's Day is called so because each of the couple can please the other with pleasant little things. Otherwise, it would have been called "The Day of one narcissistic girl who is waiting for her boyfriend to surprise her with something." Isn't it easier to cook dinner together so that the holiday doesn't look like a game "you are for me - I am for you"?

4. Expectation: "Unforgettable sex"

Are you sure this night will be amazing. Candid lace lingerie, relaxing massage, pleasant music and passion that will overwhelm you. And then you fall asleep in each other's arms. In general, a beautiful erotic film, no less.

123RF / sakkmesterke

Reality: "Everything is like in life"

Because it doesn't sound like a movie. Poses in which it is uncomfortable, linen crashing into the most delicate places, music turned off at the wrong time, massage oil spilled on the floor. In general, everything is fine, but not cinematic, but for real.

Anna, 31 years old: “I didn't know how to please my beloved on Valentine's Day, and decided to buy lacy lingerie with a belt and stockings. I got dressed, lit candles, turned on the music, called him into the room. Of course, my appearance pleasantly surprised him, but the fastening of the belt to the stockings upset him. Now I understand - they could not have been removed, but for some reason my man really wanted to. He suffered for a long time, spat. Then he pulled off his stockings and threw them aside, and they fell on the candle. In general, instead of a passionate night of love, we had a night of firefighting. It's good that we noticed it in time."

Why it happens:

Because we are all human. We can overeat heavy food (if there was a festive dinner), pinch a partner in a fit of passion, laugh at the most inopportune moment. And there is nothing wrong with that. The main thing is that you feel good together.