Silence or answer: how to deal with rude people

2024 Author: James Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 14:00

The saleswoman at the grocery store was naughty again when you asked to check the expiration date of milk? And the employee of the passport office raised her voice only after hearing your question: "Where can I find a sample of filling out an application?" Well, there are a dime a dozen of ill-mannered, embittered and tactless people around. Sometimes it even seems that there are much more of them than polite and adequate ones. That is why the latter have to learn to survive in this ocean of rudeness and aggression.

In psychology, this phenomenon is dubbed the watchman's syndrome. And it is no coincidence, since it is the small fry that most often try to use their little power and assert themselves at the expense of people who are at least a little dependent on them. The cloakroom attendant can bring you a jacket right away, or he can make you stand waiting for a few minutes, adding at the end: "Everybody walks around here, they don't let you sit quietly." The watchman can miss, or he can arrange an interrogation with partiality and give in the end that he will not "let" you go. And the most "enviable" position for the employees of the passport office and the housing office: if they want, they will arrange a bureaucratic procession for you, and when you collect a cloud of papers with important signatures, they will give out: “This is not true, this is not so. Do you even know how to read and write? " And they will send you on a second walk through all nine circles of hell.

We face rudeness on the part of the "powers that be" literally every day, and the problem is not even that they are insulting us, but that we do not know how to behave in such a situation. Enter into a senseless skirmish - and you will be considered a habalk. To remain silent is to obey and admit defeat. There seems to be no way out. But this is not the case.

It is the small fry who most often try to use their little power and assert themselves at the expense of at least a little people dependent on them.

Why are we shouting?

To begin with, let's look at the reasons why watchmen, salesmen and cloakroom attendants put on the crown and decide who to execute and whom to have mercy on.

1. Psychologists say that it's all about the desire to become a big boss and hand out assignments to subordinates. Probably, each of us in childhood dreamed of commanding someone. To begin with, we established our own rules in the family, when we threw ourselves on the floor in a toy store and sobbed demanded to buy an expensive doll. Then we tried to "build" girlfriends around the yard and at school, and then we grew up and got a job. True, not everyone now occupies leadership positions, but you still want to give orders and demonstrate your own importance.

2. Another reason is dissatisfaction with life. As a rule, the “chiefs of the barrier” have a small salary, a boring life, they are emotionally hungry. They sit in one place all day and either look incredulously at the visitors passing by, or repeat the same thing to them 50 times a day: “Take these forms, pay the state fee there, sign from someone else, come back in two weeks . It would be surprising if such people complimented us with a smile, because it is much more “nutritious” (remember emotional hunger) to be rude, offend, offend.

How to behave?

1. You shouldn't be rude in response. The point is that this is exactly what the "watchmen" expect from you. Unfortunately, rude people deliberately (albeit unconsciously) bring others to white heat, because they want them to recognize the very fact of their existence, to pay attention to them. It so happened that it is much easier for us to get a negative emotion than a positive one - so they get at least some.

2. Make friends with the "little boss". No matter how angry you are with your concierge for constantly making comments to you, you will have to face the truth and realize that this elderly woman is not doing so well. She sits all day in a small room for a meager salary, because she needs this money. And it would be much more pleasant for her to maintain good relations with the tenants, and not to dog about nonsense. Take the first step: start to say hello, to be interested in her well-being, give a chocolate bar for some holiday, and you will see that the anger disappears somewhere.

3. Do not argue with the sturdy guys on the face-control in the club. This is a pointless undertaking, since such "bosses" are always right. The only way to put the security in place is to get the phone number of their superiors and your friend from your pocket. If this is not the case, then look for another place for entertainment.

Ask your question several times until you get an intelligible answer.

4. Stand your ground politely. If we are talking about a stubborn woman at the clinic's reception or about the already mentioned employees of the passport office who are clearly trying to kick you off, then in dealing with them adhere to the tactics of a stubborn but polite ram. Ask your question several times until you get an intelligible answer. First, politeness somewhat discourages rude employees of such structures. Secondly, no matter how much they want to get rid of you quickly, due to their duty they still have to answer the question asked for the tenth time.

5. Complain to the boss. If the rude person is clearly going too far, and it is not possible to retreat, then feel free to contact his superiors. Yes, it is not good to sneak, but there must be at least some kind of justice for those who finally loosen their girdles and do not want to take off their fake crown. Sometimes only this method helps.